“You have but little difficulty now in realizing that the thought system the special relationship protects is but a system of delusions. You recognize, at least in general terms, that the ego is insane. Yet the special relationship still seems to you somehow to be “different.” Yet we have looked at it far closer than we have at many other aspects of the ego’s thought system that you have been more willing to let go. While this one remains, you will not let the others go. For this one is not different. Retain this one, and you have retained the whole.” ~ A Course in Miracles
Working as an advisor in the new-age industry, I can end up talking to many individuals, both as clients and friends. As a result, I’ve listened to a multitude of individuals and seen how certain new-age ideas have been employed. I’ve also observed the detrimental effects they have had (if any). If consistent patterns arise, I may begin to question, “What is it about certain beliefs; that instead of bringing people more peace and contentment, they are making a great number of individuals feel ungrounded, codependent, addicted, anxious, depressed, etc?”
As one example, I’ve begun to see how the “twin flame” label can affect the consciousness of vulnerable individuals who are in love with someone who is unavailable in some form. This article is geared towards these individuals who are left rejected, pining and hoping for someone who they felt was a twin flame to be able to love them. I understand that psychics who advise others they have met their twin flame may feel that they are trying to offer help. However, from what I see, there is more harm than benefit occurring. It even seems that this kind of harm is being incorporated into the label of “twin flame,” as if a person should expect harm if they have encountered their twin.
And, what if the way twin flames are generally written about in the new age is not necessarily true but a form of misunderstanding that distracts us from a true spiritual path through getting us all tangled up in another form of illusion or label that we become a mental slave to?
From all I’ve observed in talking to individuals who have discussed twin flames and the questions that arise, it seems that a few patterns consistently arise that have frequent and consistent effects. I list the philosophies and the potential accompanying patterns/problems that I have seen arise below.
1. The One and Only
We only have one twin flame. This twin flame is part of our own soul that we are each a half of (there is a male and female counterpart). Being with our twin, therefore, completes us. If we get to meet our “twin” in the physical world, we are to consider ourselves very blessed.
The Detrimental Effects:
A danger can arise if an individual, believing they have met their twin flame, becomes afraid to release their love object to move forward when a relationship does not pan out.
For the vulnerable individual, to release someone that they have accepted as their “twin” could be perceived as walking away from something or someone extremely exceptional. In the mind of the true believer, once lost, one can never have such a “special” love again. They have also lost the opportunity to bond with the other half of their soul. This completely takes a person’s power away through their feeling they need to find something external to find wholeness and completion.
As a result, a person can become very depressed, or terrified of rejection or loss. It can also result in codependency, obsession, clinging, and psychic addiction. In severe cases, I’ve seen it result in loss of touch with reality, restraining orders, and stalking. I’ve even seen people feel despondent and questions themselves after they were the ones who broke up with someone. They say things like “What if he was my twin flame and I ran?” And they start to doubt themselves.
2. Increasing our Frequency
Being with a twin flame can help us “increase our frequency,” or we may attract a twin flame during such a process or to help with it.
The Detrimental Effects:
Like I stated in the first point, something very sacred becomes attached to the idea that a romantic relationship can be mystical, sacred, and evolve a person’s frequency or consciousness. So, again, this can serve to block a person from evolving on their own. It can also lead to feelings of co-dependence, love addiction, obligation, expectation, frustration, and other unhealthy behaviors.
3. “Why Twin Flames Run”
The twin flame relationship is supposed to be difficult and fraught with challenges. We are, after all, facing ourselves and our own flaws through our other half of our soul (in our partner), which this can bring up some difficult situations and emotions. As stated earlier, there are even articles and websites dedicated to the topic of why twin flames run, etc.
The Detrimental Effects:
Such websites and philosophies can innocently turn being “loved and left” into the trials and tribulations of having a soul mate. They, again, can keep a vulnerable person from accepting a reality that someone doesn’t want to be with them anymore. Alternatively, some individuals will remain locked into tolerating abandonment and inappropriate/unloving behavior for the sake of hanging onto a love that is supposedly a mirror image of their own soul.
The information is also slightly misleading. A person does not need to be a twin flame to run from love and difficulties may arise in many relationships that are non-twin. A lot of individuals can be afraid of commitment or may run from a relationship for different reasons. Some of them may be repeating this pattern with multiple partners. Honestly, most people I read who claim to be in love with a twin flame (who is “running from the twin flame bond”) is someone who in general is afraid of commitment, a romance addict, someone who loves and leaves many women, or someone who is only using their proposed twin as someone transitional (as someone to date after a divorce and before this person finds a more committed partnership). More on being the transitional love >>
4. “Intense Feelings”
You can recognize a twin flame from the intense feelings you are having; that may be stronger than you’ve had before.
The Detrimental Effects:
This, again, leads to confusion, clinging, obsession, and depression. It also confuses “intense feelings” with “love.” Often, the wrong kind of intense feelings–ones that could offer themselves as red flags and warnings–get confused with love or being “meant to be together.”
What To Do If You Are Exhibiting Some Of The Detrimental Effects:
“We cling to things—jobs, relationships, belongings—to feel more secure. But many of these things actually drain satisfaction from our lives.” ~ The Minimalists, Facebook
1. Understand that the new-age, like any other religion, can be imperfect in its understanding. Spirituality should not make a person more imbalanced but less so. False light always serves a purpose to distract you from a true spiritual path. So, be careful with being locked into mind-sets and philosophies that keep you over-striving, anxious, focused on outcomes, and attached to labels.
2. Be mindful concerning abuse of the occult and don’t believe everything a psychic tells you. You will know if the occult is being abused if experimenting with it leads to addiction, obsession, or hyper-vigilance. The way back onto the spiritual path again is to focus on letting go of control in order to find peace of mind. So, if anything or anyone is making you feel addicted and obsessed, the lesson could be one of transcending or releasing that addiction or attachment.
3. Remember that love addictions, codependency, and unhealthy relationships can trigger obsession and intense feelings. For example, people who date others who are hot-and-cold can commonly report feeling “intense feelings.” Casanovas and romance addicts can be very romantic, empathic, and charismatic. They can come on very intensely and want to move a relationship forward very fast. However, they can lose interest and stop calling you just as fast. Many of them are intent upon getting a “high” off of the intense feelings they foster with many women. See the article here>> for how unpredictable relationships can trigger intense feelings and obsessive compulsive behaviors.
4. Let go of beliefs that if you dream of someone or can “feel” or sense them that this means they are your twin. These days many people can feel intense and even telepathic bonds to many people. When you are ungrounded and outside of your body all the time trying to tune into and figure someone out or asking for many readings on the situation, you are more likely to pick things up (this can border on empathic stalking). Ultimately, remember to be present in your own body, instead, and to feel and process your own feelings. Let go of living in the other persons energy field, unless you have been invited into it. Consciously tune into your own energy field and emotions so that you can process your own grief and feelings of abandonment or disappointment.
5. Let go of the “meant to be together” mentality. We have many lessons to learn from the people in our lives and sometimes the main lesson a person might come into our lives to teach us is to let go rather than hang on. Some of our biggest lessons during this time may be of letting go of dependency, codependency, and need for approval, in order to discover how to truly love and how to allow ourselves to be loved for who we are. There is something that lacks trust in all the clinging. Remember the phrase, “Let go and let God.”
6. Be careful of falling into the “Signs of a False Twin” propoganda. Okay, you misdiagnosed your first twin. Perhaps the real lesson is to release the label and the preoccupation with twin flames to move forward with your life; focused on understanding the true meaning of love apart from the romantic notion of needing someone to be the “one.” This whole propaganda is set up to keep you in the focus on the label and actually keeps you from just trusting that whoever you draw into your life is of value and can be a teacher. But the propaganda wants you to think, “Ooops you got one wrong! But wait, you can do a healing or clearing, talk to a psychic, or buy a program to attract your TRUE twin flame!”
7. Most important, try to let the labels go. Instead, seek to simply focus on how to be a loving person, how to love yourself and how to receive love. Make whatever relationships you are in a sacred one and let it serve you (and you serve it) in a healing way. You are under no contract to love someone who does not love you back, who cheats on you, “runs”, hasn’t called, is married to another person, or anything else. Know that you can still experience a special and thriving relationship with the person who is right for you and who can help you evolve. The most important twin flame is the flame of the holy spark within your own loving heart.
Remember that the whole idea behind mysticism is one of letting go of attachments and clinging; finding peace of mind while becoming mindful rather than obsessed. Many mystics were solitary and were not codependent upon relationships in any way (familial or romantic). So, know that you will not deter yourself from becoming a more enlightened or “higher frequency” person through being alone or losing a love that you feel is a “twin flame.” If anything, the mystical approach is to be entirely devoted to spirit. Spirit becomes the twin flame connection. Enlightenment comes through the release of attachment to illusions of all kinds and forms. After all, we talk about how everything is illusion. If so, then it is safe to let them go.