I Dreamed Of My Ex. Does This Mean S/he Is Thinking Of Me?

Posted by on Jun 12, 2018

It depends on the dream.

Before analyzing a dream it is important to understand how dreaming works. For example, often times, if one can look up the images, actions, and symbols in dream dictionaries and reread the dream symbolically, one can realize that the dream pertained to something that is going on within the dreamers emotional life. After all, how many individuals have experienced reoccurring dreams regarding an ex and yet nothing transpired from them in a way to determine them to be purely precognitive? This is because most dreams do not function this way. I have reoccurring dreams that I fly to the moon and live there. Often I will swim in a lake on the moon. So, is that going to happen one day? Likely not because the moon and water are symbols of the psychic realm and emotions. I’m a deep person who likes to explore mysteries. I feel comfortable in these realms.

Yes, occasionally dreams can be precognitive, but most function as an internal processing of the dreamers feelings, situations, events, and relationships. For the average person, dreams are primarily about the self; including our personal thoughts about events and situations, our hopes or fears, and our own feelings concerning how others may perceive us or the relationship. Yes, sometimes we pick up projections of another person’s hopes, fears, or other emotions which become intertwined within our dreams. But, in general, it is best to see dreams as a way to explore deeper within ourselves to learn more about what makes us tick as opposed to using them to try to figure out if our ex still is thinking about us. Thinking in this latter way will only cause a person to dream about their ex more due to creating the need to process emotions, longing, or any way we are self-sabotaging ourselves through failing to move forward (if the case is one where an ex has moved on with their life).

So, why do I dream of my ex?

I think many of us dream of our ex’s, because they had important lessons to teach us about love, what we hope for in a relationships, what patterns or blocks we have, etc. Being “with” someone in a dream can even indicate emotionally living ones life “with” someone–idealistically or otherwise–even if there is no real relationship. For example, I often dream about Brad Pitt romantically, even though I don’t think of him much in waking life. But my subconscious remembers the movies I’ve seen of him. I may have on a subtle level thought, “Wow, he’s the ideal, attractive, sensual, and charming lover; a perfect ideal to have a relationship” (himself or the character he plays). Our exes, if we are still in-love with them and see them this way, can represent the same kind of fantasy or ideal.

At times,  intense feelings combined with recurrent dreams may occur due to a past life connection. But, remember that a past life connection does not mean you end up married or in relationship with the person you are dreaming about, or that you are supposed to work things out with them so this happens. Sometimes the lesson is the very opposite. Sometimes, dreaming about an ex simply means there is left-over psychic debris, unprocessed emotions, or unlearned lessons. Remember, that in other time periods (and still currently in some cultures) people felt obligated to marry for connections, money, or reasons other than love. Other times, individuals were not allowed to marry someone they loved due to these same issues. Some individuals may have married for love only to discover their partner didn’t love them and married for other reasons. Whatever the case, the lesson may be to work through the emotions which were left unprocessed, unresolved, or carried over to this current lifetime.

In general, before you put your life on hold because of a dream (or even a reading) make sure you know all sides of the situation (the shades of grey) rather than simply the black/white or yes/no of things. Use dreams (and readings) as tools for personal growth and healing, but live your life in the now. Be grounded, deal with any codependency, obsession, or addiction issues if you have them in order to pull your energy out of situations and others energy fields in order to find your Self.

So, what can I do about these dreams / moving forward?

Begin to have waking dreams (i.e. new fantasies), where you begin to visualize yourself attracting someone who can love you. Don’t put a known face on this person so that it isn’t connected with any energy of longing, break up, or unrequited love. Putting a face on this character tells your subconscious/the universe that you want a person you have to wait for or who will leave you with the energy of longing, break up, or unrequited love. Leaving the identity undetermined will also help you to let go of manipulation. You can then move into trusting that you can be loved how you visualize you can be loved. Be daring enough to move through all your fear of the unknown, fear of loss, or fear of rejection (applying acceptance and love to these emotions), into a place where you learn to find contentment in the present moment.

But this is different, I really do dream about this person all the time, they must be my twin flame!

I have regular and recurrent dreams of certain high school friends. I never thought of them in waking life. I dreamed about them because they all stand for something. They are points in my life where a certain emotional pattern started. They can show me where I have unprocessed or left-over longing, hurt, fear, feelings of betrayal, or psychic debris.  For example, I looked up to the cool girl in high school and hoped she approved of me. So, when I see her in dreams, she symbolizes the cool girl who I wanted to be like and who I wanted to meet her approval. Something in my present life or emotions may be triggering this old pattern/symbol to make itself known.

As a second example, for 15 years I used to dream quite frequently about one particular boy from high school who I had a horrible crush on. Being shy, I had a hard time talking to him let alone telling him how I felt. I always felt paranoid my feelings were transparent, like it would be the most awful thing in the world if he ever knew I cared about him. He also represented unrequited love in ways. After high school he changed and so did I, but I still frequently dreamed of him. The dreams seemed to progress through phases. At first I couldn’t talk to him, then I could, then my romantic interest was reciprocated, then there was kissing, and then he desired a relationship. Why did this occur? Because he became a symbol of my working through being a torchbearer (a form of love addict that holds a torch for someone who doesn’t know). The pattern had started with him. As I changed myself and started to overcome my fear of intimacy issues (fear of showing my feelings, getting close, etc.), my dreams of him changed to reflect this. So, after 15 years of dreaming, I very rarely dream of him anymore, because I do not need a symbolic representation of him within my dreams to stand for anything anymore.

Why do I “feel” him/her all the time?

As an empath myself, all I can say is that empathy is becoming very misunderstood or distorted. In subtle ways, it is leaving people out of touch with their own energy, or even their own bodies. If you can only associate with your emotions or longing in terms of their belonging to another person it will leave you slightly dissociated. There also can come the erroneous perception that the “other person’s” energy is traveling to meet the empath, but it can sometimes be the other way around. The empath, lacking psychic boundaries, and perhaps out of touch with their own body or emotions (and concerned what others are thinking or feeling), lives slightly out-of-body. This out of body-ness can cause traveling. When combined with subconscious longing, expectation, or wondering what a person thinks (through getting readings or looking for signs), the energy hovers over the person of their focus. So, when clients often ask me, “then why do I feel him all the time?”, it is usually because the client is tuned into their love object even at times they think they are not. After all, they are getting readings or subconsciously looking for “signs.” They are curious, out-of-body, or hypervigilent. If a person is frequently within another person’s energy field looking for clues to how this person feels (consciously or unconsciously), of course they are going to start picking things up even when not thinking about it. Which sometimes it becomes unclear whose emotions are causing what, or if it is based in reality or fantasy.

I’ve seen a similar phenomenon occur with people who are afraid of spells, curses, or psychic attacks. Sometimes these individuals will feel symptoms as a form of projection–projecting that others are attacking them and manifesting the symptoms to go along with it–whether someone is truly upset with them or not. What they are really afraid of is facing other peoples emotions (particularly anger or dislike) or of feeling their own. Trying to convince them that their symptoms are mostly brought on by their own anxiety or out-of-body state of hypervigilance is difficult.

Even in the case that empathy is valid and something is being picked up, it is another issue to interpret it correctly. In the case of an ex, how exactly is your ex thinking of you? As just a sexual fling or wanting more? Even a player will think of all his conquests from time to time or miss someone they have pulled away from (due to issues with intimacy). Don’t make it anything more than it is meant to be unless it truly is and is backed by something more concrete.

I still offer the same advice for any people craving someone who for whatever reason isn’t approaching, isn’t available or the relationship isn’t working out somehow: Get clarity. Ground things in reality, rather than in empathy. Take the risk to ask questions, i.e., use direct means to find out what the other person is thinking and feeling for you. If they have expressed in any way that they don’t want to hear from you, or if they don’t contact back or give you an evasive answer, then try to let the relationship go for the present moment. Put a timeline on how long you will wait for someone to divorce someone, to commit, to approach, to respond to an email, to call you, to reconnect after a break up, etc. If its meant to happen, it will happen whether you are out enjoying life and meeting new people or not. In this day and age when relationships tend to be up and down and off and on, it can be confusing, but try to deal with the confusion by focusing on and processing your own feelings, your fears of rejection or abandonment, your anger, etc.

Things to note when dreaming of someone repeatedly:

1. Recurring dream themes or content with a specific person: Usually represents the lessons you have to learn from the person, hopes, fears, feelings of feeling at home with the person. Also, recurring people in dreams, even friends, especially of past can symbolize old psychological complexes that still affect you in the present, or left-over karmic or psychic debris that is circling around in your energy field.

2. Time element: How old is everyone in the dream? If its someone way past, it still means your living out that energy/trauma/hurt/unfulfilled hope that started at that time, especially if in the dreams you are both that younger age and appearance.

3. Symbols: What do the recurring people in your dreams symbolize to you? Some are people we see as threatening, some as desirable, some as smart, some as funny, some as comrades or confidants, some as life long loves, and some as unrequited loves. Your dream could merely be about the symbol. What other symbols are in the dreams and what do they represent? Are there any that frequently reoccur?

Hope this helps.