“The search for the special relationship is the sign that you equate yourself with the ego and not with God. For the special relationship has value only to the ego. To the ego, unless a relationship has special value it has no meaning, for it perceives all love as special.” ~ A Course In Miracles
Many individuals who tend to romanticize a “twin flame” relationship with someone who “runs” or cannot return their love can have similar characteristics. Problems can start to happen when people hang onto a relationship that is without hope, or who hang on in a way which leads to clinging, over-attachment, or obsession. Some people may even start to feel “possessed,” such as that their personality has become altered in a way they aren’t acting themselves or able to balance their emotions. This can make sense if you consider that people can give their power away or lose their center of loci, focusing entirely on the other person (needing to feel completed by this person in some way, which isn’t always something that can be controlled). Throw in ideas of empathy, a person can end up psychically living outside of their energy field, unconsciously hovering over a love object, anxious for what they may be thinking or feeling or looking for some sign or something to pick up that validates they are loved.
The below list is only meant for people feeling a sense of distress or clinging. All points won’t apply to everyone. However, if you find you identify with any particular trait, it can give you something to work with to learn to cope if you feel distress. There isn’t a lot of information out there on the down-side of twin flames for those who are searching for it. So, I’m posting this information for those individuals who it helps to know they aren’t alone. And it doesn’t require not believing in twin flames. If you want to continue to believe in them, you can learn to do so while dealing with patterns that work against developing an authentic and balanced connection with a loved one.
Traits to watch for:
- A romantic at heart, very trusting, empathic and naive, prey to people who use, deceive and take advantage of them
- Symptoms of love addictions (see http://loveaddicts.org/kindsofloveaddicts.html)
- Feel swept up easily.
- Attracted to strong personalities that create a lot of drama for them. Pay special attention if you feel intense attraction to narcissists who can place you on a pedestal and then drop you. Narcissists can suffer from splitting and can believe in ideal and perfect love but can then switch to devaluing a partner that was once idealized. Patterns of being adored and then devalued (or discarded) or dealing with crazy making, gaslighting, or other dynamics can make people start to feel crazy or borderline.
- Feel bored or restless in a settled relationship, but at the same time feel their “life isn’t complete” without a partner
- Need unrequited love, an on-and-off relationship, a married man, or angst to feel a “high”
- Confused emotions. Confuse intense feelings and angst with love
- Tendency to be codependent or needing validation/approval
- Polarized mind-set, all or nothing thinking
- Very outcome focused rather than living in the present moment and accepting things as they come
- Can go through spells of despondency which they bounce back from fairly quickly through attempting to get validation that a positive outcome will occur or that their hopes can still be fulfilled
- Many have been “waiting” for their twin flame to materialize or come forward (if known or unknown) and thus can vocalize their impatience at having to keep waiting
- Will start to see “signs” of all kinds, such as 11:11 or dreams, that they interpret are God’s or the Universes way of telling them to keep hanging in because the person they love is a twin and will eventually come forward.
- Tend to discuss how they are “picking up” the other persons thoughts and feelings. They may be focused on what another person may or may not feel rather than being in their own body and focused on their own emotions
- Inability to meditate or be still
- Refusal to fully mourn a relationship that isn’t working out or to move forward
- Some will talk about how life is “not worth living” without their “twin” in their life
- In a very few cases, there may occur threats/desire to commit suicide, loss of touch with reality, restraining orders, or stalking
If any of this sounds like you, don’t be afraid to challenge notions that don’t leave you feeling empowered within yourself. You don’t need anyone or anything to complete you or to make you worthy, whole, or enough. If you can change your ideas about love, it opens you up to experience a love that is genuine.