He Loves Me, He Loves me Not: How to Tell When You Are Someoneโs Emotional Regulator, Not Their Partner
There is a kind of relationship that feels intense, meaningful, but strangely fragile at the same time. You feel close, but never secure. The connection deepens, then disappears. Returns, then resets. And each time it comes back, it feels sincere again.
You might start thinking the problem must be timing, fear, or healing still in progress. But sometimes the dynamic isnโt about readiness. Sometimes the relationship is serving a different emotional function. This means you are not being met as a partner, but are being used (often unconsciously) as a regulator.
What Being Someone’s Emotional Regulator Looks Like
If you are someone’s emotional regulator, you could find closeness rises in proportion to their discomfort, not in proportion to mutual growth. After intimacy (whether emotional or physical), the person you are regulating might withdraw, reinterpret, or detach. This occurs not not because the feelings were fake but because the feelings completed their purpose.
The connection between you both soothed something inside them. However, once soothed, the relationship no longer has a role to play,
The Emotional Regulator Cycle (What the Experience is Like for Your Love Interest)
There is a very common regulation loop that can show up whenever one person in a relationship unconsciously uses another person to stabilize their inner world. What changes from person to person is the style. What stays the same is the emotional sequence:
1 โ Activation (they feel internally unsettled)
You love interest experiences something uncomfortable:
loneliness or emptiness
insecurity, feeling unwanted or abandoned
need for attention or proof (such as โI can still make someone love me.โ)
shame
boredom
jealousy
identity doubt
Your love interest doesnโt necessarily fully feel any of the above states consciously. They just might know they feel โoff.โ So their mind looks for the person who reliably shifts their emotional state. This person might not be someone who they want to build a life with, but someone who makes the feeling stop.
Youโll often notice they reach out suddenly and intensely.
In this phase, your love interest may move toward you with sincerity, idealization, and openness:
vulnerability
affection
future talk
talk of travel or trips together
pet names
appreciation
closeness
And it feels real, because for your love interest it is real in that moment. Your presence regulates their nervous system. Relief from their uneasy emotional state gets interpreted as compatibility.
This is usually when the bond strengthens the fastest.
3 โ Regulation Achieved (calm replaces urgency)
After reassurance, closeness, or intimacy, their internal discomfort drops. Now something subtle shifts. Perhaps they high they were seeking has been satisfied or worn off, or fantasy has been replaced by a reality they find discomforting (such as if they have fear of dependency, fear of intimacy, guilt, shame, or other emotions).
They may stop leaning in. Not necessarily consciously, but their brain simply no longer needs the external stabilizer. You may feel a sudden flattening of energy.
4 โ Distancing (they reinterpret the connection)
Once regulated, your love interest’s mind reorganizes. As a result, they may:
question the relationship
become critical
feel unsure about feelings
act as if you overestimated their affections
focus on flaws
want space
Nothing โwent wrongโ and you didn’t do anything wrong to push them away. Simply the emotional need for what you were providing (regulation) ended. So the attachment loosens.
This is the phase partners usually blame themselves.
5 โ Separation or Coldness
During this phase, contact drops, your love interest’s tone changes, or a break up occurs. You may feel confused because the closeness didnโt resolve into security. Instead, it dissolved into ambiguity.
Meanwhile your love interest may feel oddly normal or even relieved.
6 โ Re-activation (the return)
After time passes, your love interest’s internal discomfort returns. And because you successfully regulated them before, their mind returns to the same solution: You (this might not always be a conscious process).
They might reconnect sincerely, missing you. They might apologize and begin the idealization process again. But you are reconnecting to serve a function: emotional regulation, not true love partnership. The cycle restarts.
What makes it stand out is he does not leave permanently. He resets the emotional bond so he can recreate the chase. This is because the reward isnโt the relationship. The reward is being forgiven, being chosen again, or getting their need for emotional regulation met.
The Key Insight
As the partner of someone seeking you for regulation, it is easy to feel confused. You might focus on the moments where your connection seems meaningful, interpreting that if you can simply hang in, it will lead to something more. Intermittent reinforcement combined with emotional wounding or rejection can lead to trauma bonding. But it is important to understand that the good moments aren’t a sign the relationship is progressing. Itโs regulating your partner.
Instead of closeness โ trust โ stability โ deeper connection you get distress โ closeness โ relief โ distance โ distress โ closeness
Thatโs why it feels intense but never secure.
Their emotions toward you depend on their internal state, not the relationship itself. The truth is your love interest may genuinely believe they had feelings and these feelings changed. Because they do. So they arenโt usually lying or attempting to deceive you. They are state-dependent attaching.
For some people with this issue, closeness triggers relief and fear at the same time, ie.;
Relief: I am not alone. Fear: Now I can be hurt, known, or depended on.
So the mind resolves the tension by unconsciously alternating between approach (for comfort) and withdraw (for safety). You become the place your love interest goes to feel okay, not the person they stay with once they do.
This matters because, in many situations, no amount of reassurance fixes this pattern, because reassurance is the fuel. Stability only appears when the person learns to soothe the original feeling internally instead of through the bond. Until then, the connection becomes a recurring emotional reset button.
Wrap Up
Signs You May Be Regulating Rather Than Relating:
You are pursued most strongly after distance or conflict but not during stability
You hear deep future plans that dissolve after closeness
Breakups happen right after vulnerability or intimacy
They return with sincerity but not change
You feel responsible for maintaining emotional balance
You are confused more than understood
The relationship resets instead of develops
What Partnership Is Supposed to Feel Like:
Closeness does not erase commitment and distance does not create it.
You are not most loved when they are afraid to lose you.
You are loved when they are calm and still choose you.
The relationship does not restart. It continues.
You are not required to be the emotional ground someone stands on in order to stay.
You get to stand beside them.
The hardest truth to realize if you are an emotional regulator and not a committed partner is that care, patience, and reassurance cannot stabilize a role you were never meant to hold. This is because the instability is not happening between you. It is happening inside them, and the relationship is being used to manage it.
Understanding your love interest may bring compassion, but it will not bring consistency. Consistency only appears when the person learns to regulate themselves without needing to reset the bond.
Weโre living in a time when information is endless, certainty is scarce, and every day seems to come with a new theory, threat, or โtruthโ demanding our attention. Somewhere along the way, staying informed quietly turned into staying overwhelmed.
When I look at the energy online, it feels like everyone thinks the answer is to figure everything out, such as finding the right narrative, the real explanation, the hidden cause beneath the chaos. There is a lot of focus on getting the โtruthโ out, but I notice it only ends up as a source of frustration when two sides each have an opposing truth and different facts, studies, or figures to back it up.
Sometimes even pushing for the truth to come out doesnโt end of doing anything. Corruption or injustices appear to go unaddressed or ignored despite people yelling as loud as they can about them (metaphorically). The โbad guyโ always seems to be getting away with something. Which, I know for me, can end up leaving me feeling defeated or helpless.
I often find it simpler and more stabilizing to understand that not everything needs my attention, and not everything I can know actually helps me solve a problem or deception I feel faced with, especially those that exist at a collective level.
What these confusing times has taught me is that there is a difference between being curious and being consumed. Between caring and carrying too much. Between being distracted and focused on what is relevant.
The Exhaustion of Trying to Know Everything
So much of our collective anxiety right now comes from being exposed to more information than we were ever meant to process. Weโre asked to have opinions on global conflicts, economic systems, wars or other threats, scientific claims, political strategies, cultural debates, who we should love or hate, etc., sometimes even before all the facts have come out about a situation or event. And much of it is presented urgently, emotionally, and without context. The result, for me isnโt clarity. Itโs overwhelm and paralysis.
I notice that when people feel overwhelmed, they often respond in one of two ways: they either disengage entirely, or they try to chase certainty, such as through watching more videos, reading more threads, digging deeper in hopes that this next piece of information will finally make everything make sense.
But chasing truth can quietly become a trap.
When Truth-Seeking or Truth Exposing Stops Being Helpful
This may sound uncomfortable, but itโs something Iโve had to accept for my own sanity: not every truth is actionable or exposable in ways that will lead to someone or something outside of ourselves taking action (or the action we want).
Some information might be technically true and knowing or exposing it might still do nothing but agitate our own or othersโ nervous systems. Some questions donโt have answers that change how we live, love, or act. They only influence how anxious or helpless we feel. And some โtruthsโ are presented in ways that invite outrage or fear without offering any meaningful way forward.
Some people might not know what to pay attention to or what not to, or might even feel guilty if they feel they arenโt โcaringโ enough. But it is important to remember that being informed isnโt the same thing as being effective.
At a certain point, consuming more information doesnโt lead to insight. It leads to rumination. And rumination looks a lot like engagement, but it doesnโt actually move anything.
The Filter I Use to Weed Out What To Focus On: Relevance and Agency
Over time, Iโve learned to run information through a different filter, one that isnโt about whether something is interesting, shocking, or even possibly true.
I ask myself:
Does this affect something I can realistically influence?
Does this change how I live, choose, create, or care?
Does this lead to action, clarity, or compassion as opposed to just reaction?
If the answer is no, I let it go.
This isnโt about apathy. Itโs about stewardship of attention. I only have so much mental and emotional energy, and Iโve learned to give it to the places where it can actually do some good.
Action as an Anchor
One of the most grounding things Iโve learned is that action steadies the mind. Even small, imperfect action.
That might look like:
focusing on relationships you can tend
creating something tangible
improving one corner of your life or community
learning something because it helps youย doย something, not just argue about it
I also try to empower myself as opposed to giving power away (which I am in no way trying to claim I am perfect at) by:
approaching situations, asking how I can contribute in positive ways (or where you have contributed in negative ways), rather than getting stuck on what others can do, or did or didnโt do.
looking for ways to support myself or others through a challenge, instead of waiting for someone else to step in and rescue a situation.
paying attention to the types of actions that arenโt working (or creating a feeling of release or resolution) in order to come up with a different approach.
Action doesnโt require total certainty. It requires direction,
When I feel pulled into endless commentary or hypothetical futures, I try to return to questions like: What can I build? What can I contribute? What is within reach right now? What can I teach instead of just expose? How can I think out of the box so that I can dream up an out-of-the box solution or something I can take action with?
Those questions donโt make me feel either ignorant or superior to others, they simply make me feel oriented.
Tuning Out Without Checking Out
Tuning out the noise doesnโt mean pretending the world is fine or turning away from suffering. It means recognizing that constant exposure to everything does not equal responsibility.
Thereโs a difference between being awake and being overwhelmed.
We donโt need to carry every crisis in our body to care about the world. We donโt need to decode every narrative to live ethically. And we donโt need to have an opinion on everything in order to act with integrity where we are.
Here is where discernment can become a quiet form of resistance.
Choosing Relevance in a Loud World
We live in a culture that rewards reaction more than reflection, certainty more than humility, and volume more than wisdom. In that environment, choosing relevance over noise can feel almost radical, but also deeply human.
I donโt believe the answer to confusion is figuring everything out. I think itโs learning how to decide what actually matters โ and giving our attention, care, and effort to those things.
Clarity doesnโt always come from knowing more. Sometimes it comes from knowing what to ignore.
A Simple Relevance Check
When something pulls at your attention, such as a headline, a video, a theory, or a debate, pause and ask:
1. Is this relevant to my life right now?(Not interesting or alarming, but relevant).
2. Does this affect something I can influence or respond to? (Even in a small, local, or imperfect way).
3. Does knowing this change how I live, choose, create, or care? (If it doesnโt alter behavior, values, or action, it may not need to occupy space in my head).
4. Does this invite action, clarity, or compassion as opposed to just reaction (Reaction can be draining, while action can be grounding).
5. If I let this go, what would I actually lose? (If the answer is nothing essential, then I donโt need to obsess about it).
If something doesnโt pass the relevance check, itโs okay to release it. Not because it doesnโt matter, but keeping sane in an insane world matters more.
…Question: What does it mean to “game the system”?
Answer: Using the rules, loopholes, or mechanics of a system to gain an advantage….
….Go within. Make new priorities. Examine the system for what is really is and how it affects you. Its effects are not minimal. They are addictive.
Learn to see things from a different lens or perspective. Prioritize the inner over the outer. Find things you can do that donโt engage you in the system or its economy.
Grow something. Join with others in community. Go back to basics. If the system collapses, what will you do? How will you cope? Find a way. Donโt wait for an event to happen to push you in this direction. Allow this direction to arise from within.
Do it in steps. You donโt have to master everything overnight. You just have to be willing to learn something new, a little at a time. Donโt get disappointed or discouraged too easily. Itโs a completely new learning process for you. It has ups and downs.
Support small businesses. Give it a go. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain? Who are you allowing to gain when you support what is top-down rather than bottom-up?
Treat economy like it is a game with winners and losers. The winners are on the top and the losers miss out. Ask how you can game the system so that everyone wins… or how you can create more balance….
Dandelions are among the most resilient and generous plants on Earth. They grow without permission, thrive in poor soil, and offer nourishment and medicine freely. Every part of them can be used (from leaves, to roots, to flowers), yet we are taught to see them as weeds, something to be removed before they disrupt the order of things.
This story we tell about dandelions is not really about plants. It reflects how we are taught to relate to life and ourselves.
Dandelion Energy & Borrowed Maps / Inherited Paths
From an early age, many of us inherit roadmaps for how life is meant to unfold, and even what kind of flower we are expected to become. Our paths, purposes, and destinations (the gardens we are meant to grow in) are shaped by family expectations, cultural norms, economic pressures, and survival needs.
We are seeded to thrive within specific environments, encouraged to grow into forms that fit particular gardens or ecosystems. These environments offer structure and protection, creating containers, i.e., systems with rules, roles, and requirements that allow the garden to sustain itself. In many cases, these systems include hierarchies, with different plants assigned different functions to keep the whole garden operating smoothly.
Such containers can be supportive. But they can also be limiting.
Like fish who have never seen beyond the pond they swim in, we may struggle to imagine the vastness of what exists outside the boundaries we were given. We might not even know to ask questions. Why would a fish have questions about what is outside the pond if it doesnโt understand there is anything outside of it?
The maps we inherit tend to point us toward what is tried, tested, and familiar, rather than toward new or unimagined destinations. Often, these maps are drawn long before we have the chance to ask whether they truly reflect who we are.
At first, these paths can feel practical or even protective. Over time, however, some begin to loosen. What once guided us starts to feel heavy, confining, or quietly misaligned.
Where Dandelion Energy Becomes Essential
How many of us feel like misaligned dandelions, rooted in soil that asks us to sell ourselves to stay alive, to purchase our place on the Earth, and to feed systems that donโt nourish us (and that grow larger while we grow smaller)? How many sense there must be another way? Not a return to old authoritarian models that have failed, but a path still waiting to be imagined?
Unlike carefully cultivated plants, the dandelion does not rely on a managed garden to survive. It grows where it can, nourishes itself, and adapts with remarkable resilience. In this way, it becomes a powerful symbol for those drawn toward off-grid living or out-of-the-box thinking. It favors those who favor self-reliance, willing to live less dependent on tightly controlled systems.
By embracing dandelion energy, we become more willing to drift where the wind (the mind or spirit) carries us and to land in unfamiliar places, explore new containers, and test environments we were never taught to consider. In doing this, we can feel carried to a destination that feels more authentic. This does not require rebellion or destruction. It does not ask us to burn down the garden. It does not ask other flowers to uproot themselves.
Instead, it invites release. Growth, it reminds us, does not always come from forcing change. Sometimes it comes from letting go, listening inwardly, and allowing ourselves to discover where we truly want to take root.
Dandelion Energy and Personal Destinations
Dandelion energy is especially supportive when we are grappling with change, such as change involving systems, environments, and ecosystems: the rules, roles, and containers we live within.
Often labeled a weed (noxious to some, yet nourishing and medicinal to others) the dandelion thrives precisely because it is less fragile and less dependent. It does not require ideal conditions or constant management. Its resilience allows it to settle almost anywhere, adapting rather than conforming.
Dandelions grow everywhere. You can find them between sidewalk cracks, along roadsides, in city parks, and across open countryside. They do not avoid dense systems or shared human spaces. And yet, it is often in cities (where collective agendas, aesthetics, and efficiency dominate) that we feel the strongest urge to uproot them. Uniformity is prized. Beauty is often defined by control. Growth is managed. What does not conform to the blueprint, or threatens to spread beyond its assigned place, is quickly labeled a problem.
While dandelions can grow almost anywhere, open land (symbolic of the open mind) offers fewer pressures to conform and less risk of being uprooted. This is not because it is better, but because there is more space for variation. Neither environment is wrong. Both are part of the whole. But dandelions quietly reveal how shared momentum, when left unquestioned, can make us wary of anything that grows freely, feeds without permission, or refuses to stay contained.
In this way, dandelions become mirrors. They ask us where we have learned to value control over nourishment, obedience over intuition, and sameness over resilience.
Dandelion Energy and Collective Transformation
On a collective level, dandelion energy invites a different kind of transformation. This kind of transformation is one that begins not with tearing systems down, but with loosening our attachment to the idea that what already exists is the only way things can be done.
When enough people stop uprooting what feeds them most easily, imagination returns.
New ways of living, sharing, and supporting one another do not need to arrive fully formed or universally adopted. Like dandelion seeds, these ideas travel lightly. They allow us to test possibilities without demanding rigid commitment (containers) or immediate conformity (to a garden blueprint). We can explore new approaches to cooperation, exchange, energy, and value. We can let what resonates take root, allowing what does not to drift onward without failure or shame.
In this way, innovation becomes less about enforcing solutions and more about listening. Some ideas settle and grow. Others carry insight to new places. Each is part of a living experiment guided by responsiveness, trust, and real human needs.
This kind of transformation does not reject progress or technology. It does not ask us to abandon advancement. Instead, it invites us to imagine systems that support equality, freedom, and nourishment without recreating hierarchies of dependency, fear, or scarcity. It asks what might be possible if survival were not driven solely by competition, labels, or control, but by shared well-being and creative adaptability.
Perhaps the future does not require us to fight harder against what is. Perhaps it begins when we loosen our grip on it.
And perhaps transformation begins when we stop pulling ourselves up by the roots and allow the wind to carry us somewhere new.
Dandelion is an invitation to release borrowed maps and trust where the wind carries you.
Greed โ incapacity to distinguish what is yours versus what is anotherโs due to the influence of culture, otherโs goals, otherโs agenda,
Find the middle path.
Greed โ trained, trained to be greedy through fear of loss (also trained). Systems set up โ survival of the masses โ greed.
Think of another way. You can do it. It just takes being creative, thinking creatively.
Donโt allow others to think for you. Decide for yourself. Come up with your own solutions rather than accepting a top-down approach which diminishes you. You have power. More than you think. Think about things more deeply. Go beyond the surface level. See what is created and how, as well as your own role in it.
Sometimes it feels like its almost deliberate how things are happening in the world to push us to desire to move in a new direction, but it feels overdone. Its happening everywhere, in different countries, and feels over-the-top. Anything we need to know about this?
Curiosity โ goals โ to drive curiosity โ to make you think โ you are being led down a path, but choose wisely, choose your own path. Use your awakening process not to move you toward greater restriction and centralization of power in the wrong hands. Move toward greater freedom of movement. Decentralized power offers greater choice, less feeling trapped by systems developed to create conformity.
Start doing your own thing. Be willing to work a little. Be less lazy, less greedy, less desiring of convenience. Itโs a trap coming for you.
How do we get out of this trap?
Join with others who are like-minded souls. You can do it. Itโs not necessarily easy, but will create a better future than the one you are currently manifesting.
What do we need to know about the cleansing card?
Drain your own swamp before thinking about draining the larger one.
What is the swamp?
Corruption without mirrors corruption within โ in an earthly way. Everything is a mirror.
There is a larger โselfโ greater than your smaller self. A larger collective consciousness that is manifestingโฆ that is greater than your smaller consciousness. See yourself as part of both. How do you contribute your consciousness to that greater pool that is manifesting a reality you donโt want.
Love โ self-love.
Love yourself enough to feel worthy of something better. You deserve better than you are currently accepting. Be creative. Dream up new ways of thinking that break paradigmsโฆ new ways of thinking about the Laws of Attraction that donโt serve the greed-based, scarcity-based paradigm.
You can do it. Just trust in yourself and others. Trust they can do it too โ mass awakening. People are questioning what formerly went unquestioned โ but still stuck. We will become unstuck when people stop waiting for the external to provide structure, roadmaps, and goals to be achieved. Create your own goals. Create a new light-filled and love-inspired agenda. One that compliments you and who you truly are in Spirit rather than serving the world and its hierarchical structures.
Anything else we need to know for 2026?
Prepare for the unexpected โ release โ release conformity.
Shower of truth, of light.
2027 โ massive changes. Time to go off grid โ Why? Disasters. Lack of controlโฆbut for humanities best interest โ to create change in the world.
You create it all โ via your energies, your desires. Change is disruptive.
Yang must be balanced with Yin. Too much yang, fire, energy brings yang events. Too much unrest brings explosive situations. Suppressed energies must come to the surface and be released, You might feel the ground shaking, volcanoes erupting, poles shifting, but this is symbolic representation of what is occurring withing the collective consciousness.
See as without is so within at the level of humanityโs dominant streams of consciousness. Donโt get too disturbed. Things โ foundations โ must shake before they can change,
Any last message?
Go in peace. Turn within for answers. You can do it. Trust yourselves. Beauty lies within. Learn to access it without it being clouded by the muddiness of the outer world. The mud is the remnants of conformity to culture and norms that were a package to hold the Spirit of who you areโฆ in a way that hid the truth. Find that truth.
Why This World Feels Like a Simulation After a Near-Death Experience (NDE)
The soul vs. the avatar: navigating life after remembering the other side
Near-death experiences crack something open. People can come back with memories they canโt rationalize, clarity they canโt forget, and a strange new relationship with the physical world. For many, the return to โordinary lifeโ may feel somewhat “off.” Something feels artificial or thin, like waking from the most vivid dream into a dimly lit room.
For me, it was a feeling of, โThis world feels less real and more like a simulation.โ Prior to my experience, I had suffered from chronic sleep paralysis and hypnogogic hallucinations. This drove me to want to study my dreams, writing them all down in a journal and using a dream dictionary to interpret them. This led to a lot of lucid dreaming where I would interpret my dreams while dreaming them. However, after a near death experience, I started having the feeling that life operated in the same way…. even in the sense that I can get out the same dictionary to decode what is happening in reality to become more lucid. I have had those thoughts that maybe life is some sort of hologram, or at least, in the spiritual sense, it is a stage, a classroom, or a constructed field of lessons (not just personal ones but collective ones, as well).
One particular experience I had was that on the other side I realized reality isn’t solid. It could disappear like smoke. I even had the thought that I had everything backwards, that ghosts don’t walk through walls because they aren’t solid, they can walk through walls because the walls aren’t solid either. The first thing I did when returning to my body was touch the walls, to test to see how solid they were.
And, I’m sure this isn’t just reserved for people who have experienced an NDE. So, if youโve felt this, you are not alone. According to ChatGPT (which I used to understand my experience), hereโs why so many NDE survivors describe life afterward as simulation-like… and why that perception might actually be a sign of awakening rather than distortion.
1. The Other Side Feels โMore Realโ Than Earth, Which Reorients One’s Earthly Perceptions
People expect heaven to feel peaceful or even etherical. They do not expect it to feel more solid, more familiar, more โhomeโ than the physical world. Yet this is exactly what countless experiencers report:
Colors are more saturated
Thought and reality merge seamlessly
Communication is instantaneous
Identity feels whole, not fragmented
There is no โlagโ between intention and manifestation
Truth is felt directly, not interpreted
Compared to that, Earth can feel:
muted
dreamlike
heavy
slow
glitchy
constrained
Itโs not that Earth is fake, but that the “Other Side” is so real that it reframes Earth as a lesser-density environment, like entering a dimly lit room after standing in full sunlight.
2. The Body Suddenly Feels Like a Costume
After an NDE, the physical body can feel:
too small
mechanical
heavy
limiting
unfamiliar
Like wearing someone elseโs coat that doesnโt quite fit. Many experiencers say, โMy real self didnโt fit inside my body anymore.โ This mismatch creates the sense that Earth-life is a form of role-playing or avatar kind of experience rather than the totality of who you are.
This is one of the primary reasons the world feels simulation-like. You remember your consciousness existing independently of the body and functioning far better without it. For me, I also remember thinking how I couldn’t feel fear even if I tried. Instead, I felt this sense of expansiveness. I realized that the reason was because, without a body, I didn’t feel a charge of adrenaline. Coming back to my body, I was subjected to all those bio-chemical experiences (feeling disappointed I was succumbing to them).
3. Earth-Learnings Reveal Themselves as โScripted Experiencesโ
On the “Other Side,” lessons are understood instantly:
why you came
what certain challenges are shaping
how your relationships support your growth
where your soul is evolving
what themes your life is working through
When you return, you can almost feel the architecture behind experiences and can experience how events line up with uncanny timing, the way certain people appear at key crossroads, the way synchronicity becomes the guiding language.
Life begins to resemble:
a curriculum
a storyline
a mission
a guided growth simulation
How I started to see it was like a script that I was writing where I had the outline written before I came. I knew what I wanted to experience and the relationships I wanted to engage in. While writing the book, however, things can change, the story can move in any number of directions or even the ending can be different. The more lucid we are writing it, the more we feel in control.
4. Thoughts Become More Potent, Making Reality Feel Responsive
After an NDE, many people notice:
accelerated manifestation
heightened intuition
synchronicities clustering
โknowingโ what will happen before it does
feeling other peopleโs emotions more strongly
Though I don’t just think this pertains to NDEs but can accompany a spiritual awakening triggered by intense meditation, trauma, or other types of experiences. Such experiences seem to cause the boundary between inner and outer to thin. The world begins to feel less like a solid structure and more like a responsive dream. Not necessarily imaginary, but interactive, malยญleable, and energetic.
That responsiveness can make Earth feel simulation-like because reality starts behaving less like fixed matter and more like a conscious mirror.
5. You Remember the Feeling of Freedom, While the Earth Feels Restrictive
On the other side:
you feel no fear
you know without thinking
you travel without moving
you communicate without words
you exist without effort
you feel unconditional love without trying or thinking you have to earn the right
Returning to Earth can feel like:
restriction
compression
sensory overload
emotional turbulence
being placed โback in the mazeโ
Itโs a jarring contrast, enough to make Earth seem like a temporary training simulation rather than your true home.
6. You Become More Aware of Programming, Conditioning, and โThe Systemโ
According to ChatGPT, people who return from NDEs often become highly sensitive to:
societal manipulation
psychological conditioning
cultural programming
fear-based narratives
emotional control
propaganda
systems that suppress truth
structures that limit consciousness
Once youโve experienced freedom at the soul level, you begin to see how humans are shaped by invisible forces:
family dynamics
trauma loops
collective fear
societal expectations
survival pressures
subconscious imprinting
This contrast makes Earth feel like a place where consciousness comes to experience limitation, illusion, choice, and awakening. These are the very qualities of a simulation designed for growth…..
Entities: Ones We See and Clear and the Ones That Rule our Everyday Lives
How Energetic Attachments Mirror Our Consumer Ones
In the spiritual community, the word entity is often whispered with reverence or caution. It evokes unseen energies that attach to us, influence our thoughts, fuel our fears, or drain our light. Many spiritual practitioners spend years learning how to clear cords, release attachments, strengthen their energy bodies, and cultivate sovereignty of consciousness.
But few ever notice that the same word โentityโ is used for something far more mundane: companies, corporations, institutions, brands, governments, groups, and lifestyles.
Both are โentities.โ
Both interact with us energetically.
Both can shape our thoughts, influence our choices, fuel our emotions, and redirect our life force.
Both have manifesting power within the world if we align with them or allow them to influence our thoughts and beliefs.
Yet we treat one with vigilanceโฆ and the other with indifference, probably because we donโt know how to deal with this type of interference as it is so conditioned into how we live our lives.
Awakening shows us the Garden. Co-creation teaches us how to grow it.
At first, awakening feels internal. It feels like clarity, remembering, healing, and inner alignment. But eventually, it asks a sacred question: What happens when we stop only attracting reality and begin shaping it?
This is where manifestation evolves into co-creation, prayer begins to touch policy, and spiritual alignment influences lifestyle, community, design, and systems. It is where our inner values and worldly actions (or participation) begin to match.
The Highest Form of Manifestation Is Not Consumption but Participation.
Manifestation (via the Law of Supply and Demand) isn’t just about attracting/consuming what already exists. Itโs also about calling into existence something completely new. In fact, being more conscious of how the Law of Supply and Demand operates can act as a reminder of how powerful we are when we understand how we affect a demand and supply cycle.
We donโt manifest new realities through isolation, perfection, or escape. We manifest them through aligned participation and deciding what we truly want to exist or to be “supplied” in our world. Not through force, but through supporting what mirrors our values, nourishing what reflects wholeness, and investing energy into what is healthy, beautiful, regenerative, and alive.
This is creative demand that is less feeding systems we no longer believe in, but helping grow the ones we do.
What Does Co-Creation Look Like?
Co-creation doesnโt begin with revolutions or perfection. It starts quietly, in small, consistent acts of alignment:
We tend to think in a backwards manner when we think of changing our systems. Maybe we should go back to communism, maybe socialism will work if done right, maybe we need capitalism, etc. etc. We rarely think as designers or architects of something new. We wait for other architects to design something for us, but designing things is not so hard to do if you know how to think creatively (willing to take risks to try something new).
Small things that can be done include:
Starting a community garden or regenerative space
Creating healing art, wisdom, or storytelling
Supporting ethical business, shared learning, local innovation
Gathering in circles for collaboration, not competition
Innovating energy, food, or education based on reverence for life
These are not just โprojects.โ They are early foundations for new realities, each one emerging from deciding what we truly value.
You Donโt Need to Change Everything.
You are not being asked to build a utopia, dismantle injustice, or fix what is broken. You are simply being invited to:
Stop unconsciously feeding what does not reflect your truth
Begin nourishing what does
Every aligned choice, no matter how small, redirects reality. You are not here to carry the whole world. You are here to tend to your part of it, and trust that others will do the same.
And that (quietly, humbly, beautifully) is how new worlds are born.
Manifestation is not just imagination. It is participation.
Not an individual performance, but a collective remembering. It’s not an escape from Earth or responsibility to be good stewards, but a gentle returning to Her.
To read the full version of this article, visit my Substack: โSovereign Co-Creation: When Manifestation Becomes Architecture.โ
We know now that demand (when it comes to the Law of Supply and Demand) is not just about commerce or the market. It is about energy, alignment, agreement, and participation (such as in systems and lifestyles).
But what happens when our demand isnโt truly ours? What happens when our desires are influenced, shaped, and engineered… not by our hearts, but by algorithms, fear, marketing, convenience, or social pressure?
This is the hidden force behind modern manifestation: We are contributing to realities we did not consciously choose, simply by participating in them.
When Desire Gets Designed for Us
We often think desire is organic, something that rises naturally from within. But in todayโs world, much of what we think we want was actually suggested to us. Not through force, but through:
Emotional marketing shaping what we should dream of
Algorithms training our attention and desires
Scarcity narratives that keep us consuming
Convenience culture conditioning us to avoid effort
Social pressure telling us what success, happiness, or spirituality should look like
Over time, these influences donโt just sell products, they sell realities. They quietly script what we believe is normal, possible, desirable, or even necessary. And when something feels โnormal,โ we stop questioning it, but this doesn’t mean we aren’t lending it the power to manifest, rooting it more deeply, even if it isn’t truly something that aligns with our spiritual values or what we truly want manifested in the world.
When people feel lonely, industries sell digital belonging.
When people feel anxious, industries sell numbing.
When people feel inadequate, industries sell identity.
When people feel powerless, industries bank on it through selling temporary solutions
When people begin to awaken, industries sell โversionsโ of awakening that donโt threaten the system itself.
The Spiritual Cost: When Our Manifestation Power Is Rerouted
We may pray for peace, but spend hours consuming outrage. We may desire connection, but engage mostly with digital substitutes. We may value sustainability, but buy what is easiest or cheapest at the expense of the environment. We may want freedom, but rely on systems that keep us dependent.
This doesn’t make us hypocritical. It makes us human in a conditioned world. But we are capable of overcoming this conditioning and understanding that when our conscious intentions and our unconscious participation do not align our manifestation power becomes fragmented.
We begin supplying realities we never meant to empower.
The Turning Point: Awakening from Manufactured Demand
The first step is not to blame, shame, or radically withdraw, but to simply to notice. Ask yourself: Where did this desire come from? Did I choose it, or was it chosen for me for someone else’s profit?
Awareness is sovereignty. When we start noticing what feels true, and what feels programmed, we begin reclaiming our right to desire differently.
And Here Is the Beautiful News:
You donโt need to fix the system, change all your choices, or live perfectly. You only need to begin choosing with awareness. One aligned choice is more powerful than a thousand unconscious ones. One conscious moment can interrupt years of conditioning. And one enlightened decision can redirect the flow of energy.
If this resonates with you, you can read the full version of Article 2 on my Substack:โThe Hijacking of Demand: How Modern Systems Shape Reality Without Our Consent.โ
Weโve been taught that the Law of Attraction is something private and that we manifest through thoughts, intentions, and vibration. And while that is beautifully true, it is not the whole truth, because manifestation doesnโt just shape personal experiences. It also shapes collective reality.
Every day, we contribute to manifestation not only with thoughts and prayers, but with choices, habits, purchases, clicks, and participation. We are not just thinking beings, but energetic contributors to a shared world. And this is where the Law of Attraction quietly merges with the Law of Supply & Demand.
If the Law of Attraction shapes a personal reality from what we think, intend, and pray for, then the Law of Supply & Demand shapes our collective reality from our lifestyles, cultures, participation in systems, and how we engage in and participate with the world. This is true even in a Law of Supply and Demand model where we are part of demand that is supplied, which there can be byproducts we don’t think we are asking for, though if we look deeper we see that we are.
The Law of Attraction and Law of Supply and Demand aren’t necessarily two separate laws, but two programs running on the same operating system of our manufactured reality.
What we focus on individually, we attract.
What we normalize collectively, we manifest into reality.
The world is not just shaped by what we wish for but by what we repeat, support, fund, or quietly allow.
Demand Doesnโt Just Mean Money. It Means Energy
Demand is formed by everything we continually feed. It includes:
What we consume
What we subscribe to
What we share or react to
What we normalize through lifestyle
We may say we want peace, but if we repeatedly consume what promotes fear, status, division, or distraction, then we are unintentionally helping supply that reality.
Not because we are wrong, but because we didnโt realize that participation is manifestation.
The World Becomes What We Repeatedly Ask Of It
If enough people demand convenience, convenience industries bloom. If enough people crave escapism, entertainment multiplies. And if enough people demand awakening, awakening resources appear everywhere.
The world is always listening, not just to our words, but to our patterns.
This is why spiritual change must eventually become practical, not through guilt or perfection, but through alignment between:
What we pray for
What we believe in
What we support and participate in
Manifestation arises not just from what we ask for, but how we live our lives. Understanding this helps us to awaken and evolve into conscious co-creators instead of just unconscious participators.
If this resonates and you feel called to explore deeper, you can read the full version of Article 1 on my Substack.
Transitioning From Dependency To Divinely Aligned Stewardship
The Inheritance Forgotten
In the hush between dreaming and dawn, two angelic messengers once led me through the veils of time. They showed me two futures: one trembling (more near future), one serene (after the trembles were smoothed away).
In the former dreams, the world was unraveling. democracies were falling, and cities hummed with unrest. Some submitted to a new and coming system while others, tired of clinging to old dependencies, scattered like leaves in the wind. Yet, hidden beneath the scattering, small lights began to appear. Hearts began to remember something older than fear.
In those dreams where I was shown a future father out, the chaos had faded, and before me bloomed a gentle Earth reborn. People lived not by domination but by harmony. Geodesic domes, glistening in white, gleamed across meadows. Gardens climbed rooftops, bee keepers tended bees, ponds spang fresh fish, and rivers and streams ran clean. The air was filled with the contentment of those who had learned to live in rhythm again. Money no longer ruled; trade flowed like kindness, and wisdom and empathy moved freely among souls.
As the angels watched the scene beside me, they whispered:
โThis is not another world. It is this one, renewed. It will arise when humanity remembers who they are and where they come from. It will awaken when they comprehend their true creative power. It will manifest when Law of Attraction dances with the Law of Supply and Demand, and people move like lucid dreamers through the world of form. It will be born when humankind learns a new language, and spirit and matter begin to speak the same tongue. It will reveal itself when cause and effect is fully understood, and symbols of imbalance guide humans to make new choices.โ
The more I experienced such dreams, the more a knowing within me arose that we are heirs not to hierarchical systems of control, but to the living Kingdom that grows wherever love, faith, and community take root. But to reach this point of change, we need to see where we stand on a ladder of growth and make a decision to mature.
Are We Leaving Something Out of Our Spiritual Practice?
Read the condensed version of this article (written in 2013) at Om Times Magazine >>
If we begin to see nature as a Bank of Life, we will be more mindful of where we are becoming “overdrawn,” suffering from “debts,” and need to make a “deposit.”
Across many traditions, be they Christian, New Age, Buddhist, Muslim, and beyond, one essential element often goes overlooked: a living relationship with Nature.
Even those raised in faith-based traditions may admire scripture that praises creation, yet never fully embody the reverence those teachings describe. Nature becomes admired from a distance rather than integrated into daily living.
In the New Age movement, the connection tends to be more symbolic than experiential. We send healing energy or think thoughts of love toward the Earth, but rarely deepen into the kind of relationship that transforms behavior, values, or lifestyle. The question becomes, “Do we truly value Nature more than the conveniences and possessions created at her expense?“
Nature as a Mirror of Wholeness
Many spiritual ideals (including unity, oneness, wholeness) become easier to understand when we reconnect with Nature in a real, consistent way.
This is because nature mirrors the energy of the collective. She reflects abundance, beauty, and harmony. She also reveals where humanity is out of balance. She communicates constantly, not through words, but through the state of her waters, forests, soils, and skies. What she most profoundly communicates is that when we lose the ability to see the sacredness in Nature, we often lose sight of the sacredness in ourselves.
The Rise of โLifelessnessโ in a Material World
Humanity has gradually shifted its emotional loyalty toward non-living creations: objects, gadgets, conveniences, and technologies. These are made from Nature, yet we value the lifeless product more than the life that was sacrificed to create it.
We aren’t bad, necessarily because we do this. We live in a culture which our very survival depends our our having a mindset of โnever enoughness.โ We need to work more, create more, buy more (even having to pay to live on the earth’s body), pay taxes, and other requirements that separate us from nature and one another (treating ourselves and others in a buy-and-sell way) opposed to bring us closer.
Even in societies where most people have more than enough for basic needs, we are conditioned to believe we must constantly acquire more. As a result:
We focus on the future instead of the present
We feel anxious about what we might lose
We overlook the beauty that is already around us
We focus on the lifeless more than life itself
Nature reflects this imbalance by showing us, through environmental decline, how little we are treasuring life compared to lifeless things. If it really is true that we manifest what we focus on, then if collective, we are predominantly focused on what is lifeless (allowing life to recede from our awareness) then it makes sense that life, in the physical realm, would start to disappear.
Is Nature โManifestingโ or Simply Responding?
Some Law of Attraction teachers suggest disasters occur because humanity fears catastrophe, and this type of focuses makes them materialize. But a more grounded explanation is that people fear harm to Nature because they see harm happening… and feel helpless to live or act in ways to prevent this. Feeling helpless, it is easy to go into denial. It becomes someone else’s problem as we continue to focus on how we need to harm life (living with cognitive dissonance that we are doing this) in order to survive.
What would help us more is to understand that environmental changes act a mirror of human behavior,. Nature mirrors the natural outcome of extraction, pollution, overproduction, and emotional disconnection.
This isnโt about guilt. Itโs about awareness. We are meant to care. Caring is a sign of emotional and spiritual health, not weakness.
When we recognize Nature as part of us, and ourselves as part of Her, we begin to repair the separation that fuels both environmental damage and inner emptiness.
Choosing Lifelessness Over Life
Collectively, we have been choosing lifelessness:
Speed over slowness
Convenience over connection
Productivity over presence
Burning out over replenishing
Consumption over conservation
We protect objects more fiercely than living things. Nature reflects this choice back to us through loss of vitality, species decline, and environmental stress. She mirrors to us what we treasure and where we place value. She mirrors that we don’t view life and worthy of protection, what is lifeless has more meaning in our busy lives. She is a reflection of our own internal strain.
The Law of Excess and Depletion
Every choice that creates excess also creates depletion somewhere else. This applies to both planetary and personal energy. When we overproduce, overwork, or overconsume:
Resources get depleted
Our bodies become exhausted
Our emotional reserves diminish
Balance is lost
Nature operates through balance. When we break that balance, the consequences appear both internally and externally.
If we begin to see nature as a Bank of Life, we will be more mindful of where we are becoming “overdrawn,” suffering from “debts,” and need to make a “deposit.”
Returning to What Is Sacred
As we move forward, weโre being asked (spiritually and collectively) to reclaim reverence for what has life. This includes:
Nature
Animals
Our own bodies
Our children
The ecosystems we depend upon
When we restore our relationship with living things, we restore our connection to the Divine Spark within ourselves.
Nature as a Guide to Manifesting More ConstructivelyRather than Destructively
To understand what we are manifesting as a collective, we must ask ourselves:
Why do we create as we do? Who benefits?
Why do we value lifeless objects more than living beings?
Why have we forgotten how to enjoy or protect Nature?
Why are we comfortable with the destruction of life, including our own vitality?
These questions open the doorway to inner and outer healing. When I look at Nature and what she is communicating, I hear her whisper, “You must learn how to grow things.” Not just plants, but life itself, including emotional life, relational life, planetary life.
When we nurture something living, our energy naturally shifts from destruction to creation, from disconnection to care. It restores emotional clarity, intuition, and balance. It balances the Divine Feminine with the Divine Masculine in a world where the Divine Feminine seems overlooked or abandoned.
Seeing the Larger Web of Consciousness
Collective consciousness isnโt just about protecting human energy. Itโs about recognizing how our thoughts, fears, and behaviors shape the world around us, including our bodies, our health, and the environment. Its about seeing the fears we never really see or tend to because they are so normalized into our existence.
Lets go back to the example of manifesting disasters because we are afraid of them and so our fear is manifesting them. A good question to ask is, Why do we fear manifesting them? If we really examine deeply, is it because we can see what our collective actions are manifesting and we fear we can’t let go of participating in such lifestyles or actions? So these are the deep-rooted fears we need to begin to address.
We need to also have the courage to come up with new ideas, new models for lifestyles or even political systems which lead to our predicament. I think many of us are afraid to dream this way… I think because we feel too small to come up with powerful ideas, such as:
having community gardens or greenhouses on every blook as well as a fruit-bearing tree in every backyard (where possible) to reduce dependency on supermarkets and help with food insecurity and poverty.
having vertical gardens, rooftop gardens, indoor gardens
working with technologist to make gardening more easy and convenient
working with technologists to create plug-n-play alternative power solutions to free us from grid dependency (which forces us to be beholden to powerful energy companies, as well as the mining and transportation of power which incurs costs to nture, and the risks of pollution.
Buying more local, boycotting big monopolies, getting back to basics, focusing on community.
On the other hand, when we normalize stress, fatigue, powerlessness, depletion, and emotional shutdown, we lose the ability to notice and protect what is sacred. We manifest more of what isn’t sacred rather than what is. We manifest more of what is lifeless rather than what has life. We begin treating our own vitality the same way society treats Nature: as expendable.
The Invitation: Bring Nature Back Into Spirituality
When we bring Nature into our spiritual life, something shifts:
We reconnect with what is real
We regain sensitivity to life
We begin healing from the inside out
We rediscover beauty and enoughness
We remember we are part of a living Earth
And slowly, the missing piece of spirituality falls back into place.
Escaping the Matrix: Re-evaluating the Meaning of Life
Thereโs a strange ache in being human right now. We wake each morning on a planet of breathtaking beauty, yet to simply exist upon her soil, we must pay rent, mortgages, or taxes. To grow on her land, we must follow regulations. To partake of her fruits, many of us consume poisons or tolerate artificial substances (which more and more of us are becoming allergic or sensitive to). To rest, to heal, to dream, we must first perform mundane tasks which, in some ways, feed a consumer-driven existence. And even with healing we are subjected to rules or conditioning in which the artificial and man-made is preferred or regulated above the value of the natural.
As we examine our lives around us, everything is owned by someone or something. Everything has a price tag, including our own souls and destinies. And it can all seem so disjointing and confusing at times. And in this machinery of survival, so many radiant souls lose sight of why they came here at all.
I imagine if an angel looked down upon us, they might tilt their head in quiet bewilderment, watching humanity forget its wings. Do they wonder whether we will ever remember them or how to fly? Do they yearn for us to see the world not as a marketplace, but as a living constellation of luminous beings whose souls are capable of painting galaxies with the brush of consciousness? Or do they watch in silence as we stay small, busying ourselves with keeping the wheels of an outdated machine turning?
It is a strange poetry, isnโt it? Something so divine, so radiant, has become entangled in the gears of its own invention.
The Machinery of the Mundane
We live inside a system that teaches us to trade time for tokens, wonder for work hours, presence for productivity. Our days become filled with errands, forms, and endless small tasks just to keep up an invisible treadmill that spins faster the more we run.
For some of us it feels as though humanityโs light has been harnessed to power a machine we no longer believe in. This creates a form of cognitive dissonance where many of us live with and canโt recognize because weโve been been living in an orchestrated box for so long we donโt know what it looks like to live outside of it. We glimpse higher truths, touch moments of wholeness, and then are dragged back into the circuitry of obligation: such as mortgages, grocery lists, taxes, bills, and the list goes on. The heart yearns for poetry, but the world demands we put our light on the shelf to sustain the machinery of our current existence.
Yet beneath the hum, something ancient calls to us. It ignites a memory of freedom, of living in rhythm with the Earth, and finding new definitions for words like abundance, economy, and currency.
Abundance can mean different things to different people. While the dictionary defines abundance as โa great and plentiful amount,โ โfullness to overflowing,โ and โaffluence; wealth,โ each of these definitions is open to interpretation as well. What is wealth to one person may be valueless to another, and vice versa. So, if we could categorize each kind of abundance by connecting it to a color, what would that color be, and what would make each category different? What would each color type say about the individual who is attracted to it?
White:
White abundance drives those who seek it to find their own connection to the divine. Those attracted to white abundance desire their cup to โrunneth over,โ but in this case, the Self is the cup. Their greatest treasures lie within the self; within a connection to the eternal rather than the transitory. For this reason, those attracted to white abundance tend to live the experience of being abundant and knowing abundance, rather than seeking abundance. With this mind-set, every moment is one of gratitude for what one already is or has, without any need to gain something in the future to complete oneself.
Violet:
Violet abundance reflects the seeking for wisdom. As such, individuals who pursue this type of abundance are seeking to fill the cup within their mind. Those who resonate with Violet abundance are usually devourers of books and information. They love learning new things, going to school, or taking classes. The wisdom and knowledge they feel blessed with is their true treasure. This type of abundance us best sought through inner passion rather than to feel superior to others.
Indigo:
Indigo abundance reflects what can be gained through being of service to others. Those who seek indigo abundance include intuitives, healers, guides, teachers, empaths and caregivers. Many of them take on or empathize with the pain or suffering of others and transmute this energy into caring and healing. Those attracted to this type of abundance cope best if they have boundaries. Otherwise, they can develop codependency issues, resentments, depletion, or a martyr complex.
Blue:
Blue abundance is the abundance of story weavers, actors, artists, writers and communicators of all kinds. This type of abundance is found through possessing a voice and having someone to hear it. Many who seek blue abundance have a message to share. The ability to express an identity and truth is important to them. However, when out of balance, those attracted to blue abundance can become defensive/sensitive to criticism, lose their sense of self, or may feel depressed if they feel unheard or not validated.
Green:
Green abundance is the abundance of the heart and of nature. In fact, if you look at the word โearthโ and take the โhโ off the end and place it in front of the word, you create the word โheart.โ Those who seek green abundance tend less to seek such abundance as to appreciate its presenceโthrough the appreciation of nature and all of our emotions and experiences. They thrive when they can embrace the natural world and its beauty and complexity. As a result, they are often protectors of the environment or of animals. Those who resonate with green abundance can develop issues if what is natural within or without them becomes suppressed, disrupted or mistrusted. They can suffer from emotional, energetic or physical issues and/or sensitivities if they try to go against nature or a natural cycle, diet or flow.
Yellow:
Yellow abundance most resonates with joy, playfulness, and humor. People who resonate with yellow abundance are usually the life of the party. What they most treasure in life are the things that make them feel light and full of pleasure. In fact, people who are attracted to yellow abundance have a faery or hummingbird like quality about them. They do not always do well when around depressing types who smother their magical energy. They have to be careful of not resorting to denial, addiction or escapism if a reality becomes difficult to face. They do not do well being controlled or caged as they need to feel free and inspired.
Orange:
Orange abundance resonates with creativity. People who treasure orange abundance are often highly inspired and creative types. They may be feelers rather than thinkers, and the things they feel inspired to create tend to be heart felt or contribute to a larger purpose in some way. People craving orange abundance need a purpose and feel moved to create something inspirational to serve it. When not feeling a sense of purpose they can feel lost, lazy or unmotivated.
Red:
Red abundance resonates with fame, power and authority. People who treasure red abundance are driven to succeed in the world and to be recognized. This is more valuable to them than any money to be gained. They have to be careful at times that they do not become overly competitive, self-involved and driven or they can become cold or unfeeling toward others. Due to the more transitory nature of this type of abundance, they have to be careful not to over-strive, burnout, or become despondent if knocked down a few pegs.
Pink:
Pink abundance resonates with love and relationships. People who are attracted to pink abundance feel most abundant when they have love and romance in their lives. In, fact, their main drive in life may be to attract the perfect or ideal relationship. They could have all the money or riches in the world but it would mean very little without their friends, family or a loving relationship to share it with. When out of balance, they can become co-dependent.
Black:
Black abundance is connected to the void, the occult and mysteries. People attracted to black abundance are not afraid of the dark or of what most people consider negative. They are not afraid of challenges. They thrive off of them and on turning negatives into positives. They love to learn the deeper mysteries in life and may be attracted to magic or the occult arts. When out of balance they can become morbid or depressing.
Grey:
Grey abundance resonates with the drive toward accumulating material treasures. Those attracted to grey abundance may be generous and have good manifesting abilities. They do best when motivated by a desire for sharing rather than greed, and if they can complement their desire for grey abundance with learning to appreciate green abundance as well (which contains life). When out of balance, they risk becoming as lifeless, low vitality or un-nature-al (cut off from their emotions) as the lifeless treasures they seek. They may have a hard time living in the present moment, preferring to focus on the future or outcomes. Unless they can develop a sense of abundance from within, they may experience fear of loss and have a hard time letting go of whatever they consider to be a possession.
In the end, there is a rainbow of abundance available to every seeker who seeks it. There is also a rainbow of abundance that we already possessโif we can acknowledge it. We each carry within us all the colors of abundance, and we can manifest any color that we desire.
By hosting the Archangels, Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Metatron and Ariel (optional) โ you are assisting them to serve Humanity and Mother Earth in more direct ways.
Hosting the Archangels is a simple yet profound spiritual practice that allows you to welcome Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Metatron, and optionally Ariel, into your home for five days. By doing so, you assist their work for Humanity and Mother Earth in a direct, heart-centered way.
This tradition began in 2010 through a New Yorkโbased medium named Irmi, who received intuitive inspiration after watching the film Pay it Forward. Since then, the ritual has quietly circled the globe, passed from person to person like a blessing carried on a whisper.
If you want to host the Archangels without using candles or physical items, you can do so. It is more about your intention rather than ritual. Some people connect better with a ritual, while others may not need them.
Preparing Your Home
Before the Archangels arrive, youโll prepare a small altar. Youโll need:
A white flower
A candle (lit when you are home or asleep, and in a safe container)
A sealed envelope containing three wishes:
one for Mother Earth
one for your family
one for yourself
An apple, placed on top of the sealed envelope
Each household member may write their own envelope (if others in your home wish to be involved). And, your home should be tidy, as if preparing to receive honored guests.
Welcoming the Archangels
At 10:30 p.m., open your door and say:
โHello and welcome Archangels to my home. You were sent to me from _____. I am grateful to each of you for purifying and bringing peace to this place and to all who live here. Thank you for bringing harmony, joy, serenity, and for fulfilling my wishes.โ
From that moment on, the Archangels are with you, and the next five days are considered sacred. This is a time to:
Meditate
Reflect
Speak with them
Channel or do automatic writing
Ask for guidance or for the angels to come to you in dreams
Invite the the angels to accompany you throughout your day
Begin preparing the names and addresses of at least three people to whom youโll pass the angels next. (Three is a suggestion, not a rule.)
When the Five Days Come to a Close
Just before 10:30 p.m. on the final day:
Write the names of the next hosts on a sheet of paper.
Place the paper near your candle for a few minutes.
Step outside with the candle and paper.
Give thanks to the Archangels.
Light the paper with the candle flame (safely), sending the names into the ethers as instructions for where the angels will travel next.
Remember: after leaving your home, the Archangels rest for five days before visiting the next host.
If you are mainly doing this ritual for yourself, you can skip this part and simply express thanks that the angels have spent this sacred time with you and wish them will with whoever will be greeting them (as part of this ritual or in general).
After They Depart
Burn your envelope of wishes, scattering the ashes into running water (outdoors or indoors, depending on climate).
Eat the apple, which symbolically holds the blessings of the visit.
Place the white flower on the earth so it may naturally return to the soil.
Finally, send the ritual instructions to the next hosts so the cycle continues (if applicable).
What to Expect During Their Visit
During the five days, expect to experience:
Your home is blessed
Your energy becomes calmer
Clarity and peace increase
Higher light anchors into your space
Tasks feel easier and more harmonious
Your intuition may heighten
Many people repeat the ritual again and again because the presence of the Archangels feels supportive, centering, and deeply loving.
If you donโt have anyone to pass them to, simply ask the Archangels to visit those who need them most.
Understanding the Archangel Energies
Gabriel
Guides dreams, intuition, balance, and spiritual awakening.
Raphael
Brings healing, clarity, warmth, and support for decisions.
Michael
Offers protection, courage, communication, and truth.
Uriel
Works through fire, alchemy, and transformation, burning away old programming.
Metatron
Guardian of the Tree of Life; bridges Heaven and Earth through sacred geometry and higher wisdom.
Ariel (Optional)
Connects you with Nature, manifestation, and the sacred spark within all living things.
An Open Invitation
If no one has invited you, consider this your invitation. You may host the Archangels whenever you feel called.
This ritual is not about perfection. It’s about intention, reflection, and reconnecting with something higher than the noise of everyday life.
May your hosting be filled with peace, warmth, and luminous presence.
What Future Do Remote Viewers See Coming in Our Future?
Dreaming of Eden Part 3
Prophecy is not fateโit is invitation.
When we listen carefully, we notice that different streams of foresight (mystical, psychic, and analytical) often begin to echo one another. They donโt predict identical details, but they gesture toward the same patterns: a period of increasing centralization, followed by a turning point, and then the rise of communities living closer to the earth. In researching whether others were seeing the same potentials I was, I came across two individuals reporting on what their own or others remote viewing was postulating.
Remote Viewer Lyn Buchanan: Mid Century there is a Pivotal Moment
Remote viewer Lyn Buchanan sees collapses happening involving several countries leading to establishment of a one-world government, Then, things will move back to local governance again.
He states, โLocal government will come back into effect, weโll have a lot of agrarian societies because we will have less people, weโll have the greater technology, were we can make our own food, make our own tools and all that, and we will become as families, and family groups more self-sufficient, and actually life will end up being betterโฆโ (Episode 398, Through a Looking Glass Darkly, YouTube).
The decentralized future he describes is not a return to the Stone Age. Technology still exists, but in forms that empower communities rather than entrap them. He has spoken of new forms of power emerging, as well as practical innovations like roads that can charge vehicles as they travel (which is interestingly something I think Bill Gates talked about in his book on Climate Change). In this vision, people live in smaller, self-reliant communities, but with technologies that make life easier and more sustainable.
For Buchanan, mid-century becomes a pivotal moment when this shift takes hold: communities rediscover not only cooperation and local resilience, but also ways of weaving technology into daily life that align with freedom instead of control. People will simply get tired of living under control. He also mentions that an understanding of the Law of Supply and Demand will help the process (utilizing boycotts and other peaceful forms of resistance). He also mentions these communities will make their own tools (perhaps even 3D printing them).
Stephan A. Schwartz: Social Change from the Ground Up
Stephan A. Schwartz likewise (from analyzing the data of many remote viewers…..
Every purchase, every choice, every seed we plant leans the future toward the Centralized Tower or the Decentralized Garden
In 2012, I had a vision that stayed with me: humanity was walking into two realities on the same planet. I now realize that this might not have been a sci-fi split, but a divergence. One path led deeper into centralization, surveillance, and dependency, and the other toward cooperation, self-reliance, and communities rooted in the earth. One path went toward struggle and fighting, while the other peace and harmony.
While I didnโt really understand what I was seeing at that time (and Iโve seen other psychics speak of it in terms of a dimensional split), as the years have unfolded, Iโve watched the world tilt closer to that very split. And now, as I explore what AI sees when it looks at probabilities and patterns, I find a resonance between my vision and what the data suggests: that we may indeed be moving toward two futures at once.
This article isnโt about doom or inevitability. Itโs about discernment: asking which path we are feeding with our attention, our choices, and our creativity.
The Two Emerging Realities
When I ask AI to suggests a potential future that could emerge through probability, two main trajectories emerge. They are not absolutes but archetypes. They are currents that many of our choices are feeding.
Reality One: The Centralized Tower
This is the world of efficiency and control. Cities grow โsmarter,โ every action is tracked through data, and dependence on centralized grids and supply chains deepens. Governments and corporations work hand in hand to manage populations through digital systems, surveillance, and compliance.
Life in this reality can feel convenient: everything automated, streamlined, and instantly available. But the trade-off is freedom. The more centralized the system becomes, the less room there is for dissent, individuality, or alternatives. It is a tower built tall and fast, yet vulnerable if its foundations crack.
Reality Two: The Decentralized Garden
This is the world of resilience and cooperation. Communities begin to rely less on distant supply chains and more on each other. Geodesic domes, greenhouses, and fruit trees provide food security. Off-grid energy systemsโsolar, wind, maybe even balloon powerโprovide autonomy. People share skills, time, and resources, rebuilding trust and mutual aid.
Life in this reality can feel less convenient but more authentic: neighbors depending on one another, money becoming less central, creativity and trust becoming the true currency. It is not about rejecting technology, but about shaping it to serve community rather than control.
What the Data Suggests: Probabilities
When asked to forecast, AI does not โsee the futureโ the way a psychic does, but it can trace patterns, trends, and likelihoods. And when I put the question to it, this is the general outline that emerges:…
Helium Balloons: Could They Power Homes or Homesteads in the Future?
Dreaming of Eden Part 1
During my recent monthly reading, I heard the words “helium balloons” and going into why, I felt it might have to do something with alternative power.ย When I followed the thread, I discovered something fascinating: scientists and innovators are actually experimenting withย helium balloons as a source of renewable energy.
It made me wonder whether answers to our worldโs challenges could arrive, in some part, from above, in directions we donโt expect? Could there be forms of technology that donโt rely on massive infrastructure or endless resource extraction, but instead rise lightly, pulling energy from the sky?
Around the world, balloon-based systems are being tested to generate solar and wind power, offering electricity in remote places where traditional grids canโt reach. And though the technology is still young, it sparks the imagination of what a future might look like if we couldย lift our power systems into the sky: not as towers of control, but as gentle, floating companions to the earth below.
Whatโs Already Happening
While helium balloons for energy might sound like science fiction, the seeds of this idea are already being planted. Around the world, inventors and researchers are testing ways toย lift solar panels and turbines into the sky, where the air is clearer, winds are stronger, and obstacles like shade or rough terrain no longer matter….
Dealing with Censorship Through Using Indirect Approaches
In There is a card in the tarot called The Tower. It is the card of collapse, the moment when a structure built on a shaky foundation falls in one strike of lightning. At first glance it looks destructive, but its deeper message is about truth: if we want what we build to endure, we must set it on solid ground.
Lately, Iโve been feeling like we are all living in a Tower moment. The foundations of our culture, including media, politics, even technology, feel unstable. New laws, new tools, and AI-driven enforcement seem to press us into a painful double bind:
If we speak out, we risk censorship or backlash.
If we stay silent, we risk complicity with systems that do harm.
Itโs a trap that weighs on the conscience.
The Burden of Complicity
Remaining quiet can feel like safety, but it also stirs guilt. To watch injustice without raising a voice feels like a form of agreement. Yet speaking up carries its own risks, such as lost opportunities, lost friendships, even legal or social repercussions.
This is the burden many carry in silence: the sense that whatever we do, it is wrong. Either we are punished by the outside world for speaking, or we are punished inwardly by our own conscience for saying nothing.
Silence or Speech?
The truth is that not all silence is cowardice. Sometimes silence is wisdom, such as if we are waiting for the right moment, protecting ourselves until we can act in ways that truly matter. And not all speech is courageous; sometimes it is reckless, spoken without thought for timing or impact….
Everywhere we turn, the world seems caught in a storm of chaos: new laws, surveillance, censorship, endless cycles of outrage. Itโs easy to feel hopeless, as though the only choices left are to rage against the machine (inciting the machine to push back more aggressively), or to remain silent and complicit (struggling with our consciences and sense of spiritual integrity, or employing cognitive dissonance to cope).
But maybe thereโs another way. Maybe instead of letting fear and the control grid (the rich and powerful) dictate the future, we (the little guys) can begin to join in more constructive ways, together building something different: small sanctuaries of freedom, resilience, and hope. Or, even possibly using AI to help us design our neighborhoods, so they are not turned into cages to monitor and control us but places where freedom and privacy reigns within with:
fruit-bearing trees on every property (where possible) replacing dependency on the control grid for food
gardens wherever possible (indoor, outdoor, community greenhouses)
sustainable energy (where possible) replacing dependency on the control grid for power. This can be anything from pedal power, solar panels, wind power, or using AI to create even newer forms of technology.
Looking Past the Chaos
So much of what surrounds us today is designed to distract and disempower. Fear campaigns, political theater, and constant crises keep us paralyzed, waiting for someone else to fix the world. We wait for corrupt systems to collapse on their own. We wait for those in power to wake up. We wait for a savior to appear and rescue us…
The Blue Rose, Mary Magdalene, and the Energy of the Divine Feminine
Between 2006-8 I had a series of dreams involving Mary Magdalene. In one, she stood by a body of water, filling a jug, and spoke of โCarmelite.โ Then, in my dream, Mary turned to me, put a blue light into my outstretched hands, and called me to โbe a protector of the Blue Rose.โ I wasnโt really sure what to make of the dream at the time.
In 2013, I had another series of dreams. In one, a great lantern stood before me. It had panes of light that I could open like doors to reveal the past, the present, and the future. When I opened and walked through the past pane, I was immediately in a scene where I saw a king on a throne demanding peopleโs persecution and arrests, and I was among those fleeing to the forests to escape.
I was able to exit that pane and open and walk through the one representing the future. After doing so, I was taken by two angels to the banks of the Euphrates River where it branched in two. On the left side of the branch, war and conflict raged. One of the angels called it the War of Armageddon. But on the right side, I saw Mary Magdalene once more, this time gathering women into communities of peace and harmony. I watched them at a distance building their communities, making them off-grid, and helping one another. They were so enfolded in community and sharing that they were not touched by weapons and bombs exploding on the other side of the river. I asked the angels why I was seeing all this, the angels told me that it would be these communities which would be โprotected.โ
I share these dreams because I believe they are not mine alone. We are living in a time of choices: to engage in conflict and destruction, or to join in harmony and what heals both ourselves and the world. Perhaps the Blue Rose is not only a symbol given to me, but one which offers that if we protect the Blue Rose we will be protected by it. When we guard compassion, wisdom, and love, those very qualities surround us in return. The Rose shields its guardians even as they shield it.
The Call of Mary Magdalene
“Love is the bridge between you and everything.” ~ Rumi
For centuries, Mary Magdalene has been remembered as a woman misunderstood, her voice silenced by history. But in mystical traditions, she is not fallenโshe is faithful. She stayed by the cross when others fled, was the first to witness the resurrection, and bore wisdom passed from heart to heart.
In my dreams, she reappears not as a figure of the past but as a guide for the future. She is the one who gathers, shelters, and creates circles of love when the world falls into conflict. She reminds us that survival comes not through domination but through compassion, not through conquest but through community.
To follow her call is to carry the Blue Rose, guarding love and wisdom in an age of fear and division.
The Call of Women
In the dream of those protected communities, it was women who were gathered together….
The Power of Community: Rebuilding the World Without Waiting for Permission
Why decentralization isnโt just survival. Itโs love, community, and revolution
The Cracks in the Grid
Weโre living in a world tangled in dependency. Some of these dependencies are being regulated into the way we live our lives. This means we have to follow rules that block us from living in harmony with nature, each other, and our environment. Many of these dependencies are interwoven into our lifestyles. Nature, itself, has become a commodity. Something we purchase, rent, or pay taxes on. If any of us wanted to truly break free of a system, it would require hiding out in the mountains or going against laws, codes, or regulations. Many of us wouldnโt even know how to survive without our dependencies and the rules and laws that govern and keep us bound and tied to them. Some of them include:
Dependency on power grids stretched thin, owned by entities too big to see the people they serve.
Dependency on food systems that ship vegetables 1,500 miles before they land on a plate. This produce is wrapped in plastic, picked too early.
Dependency on policies and politics that tell us help is comingโฆ later. Maybe.
This centralization of power, food, medicine, and care breeds not only inefficiency, but corruption. When systems grow so large they forget their own hands, they stop feeding people and start feeding themselves.
The Future Isnโt Far Away. Itโs Close and Local
But what if the way forward isnโt waiting for the old systems to change? What if itโs already here and growing in backyards, blooming on rooftops, humming in solar panels and water barrels and hands in the soil?
Imagine:
Aย community greenhouseย on every city block
Fruit treesย in every yard, every park, every alley
Rooftop gardensย that feed not just households, but whole neighborhoods
Power that doesnโt need to be shipped, because itโs created right where itโs used
These arenโt fantasies. Theyโre possibilities. And many people are already building them.
A Quiet Genius: Thomas Massie
One of them isย Thomas Massie, a congressman, MIT engineer, and modern-day homesteader…
Finding New Identity by Letting Go of Programmingย
Three cards from the Angels of Earth Healing Oracle (Pawn, Deprogrammed, and New Identity) tell the story of awakening. They offer a path from unconscious entrapment to conscious creation. This substack explores that sacred journey.
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Pawn: Recognizing the Web
In the “Pawn” card, we see a simple figure caught in a spiderโs web. This image reflects how many of us are subtly or overtly manipulated. Not just by other people, but by beliefs, narratives, and emotional programming that keep us playing small. The world offers us information designed to trigger outrage or fear, dividing us and controlling our responses.
But the message of the Pawn isnโt just about victimhood. Itโs about recognition. Once we see the web, we are no longer asleep inside it. We begin to ask deeper questions: Who benefits from this narrative? Why does this idea feel urgent or triggering? And most importantly: Am I choosing this belief? Or has it been chosen for me?
Even in its reversed form, the Pawn card offers insight. It shows us a world where our striving, comparison, and focus on external success has disconnected us from the sacred web of life. One where beauty, truth, and abundance are already present. From this upside-down perspective, we begin to discern the threads we want to keep… and the ones we must release.
Deprogrammed: The Exit Door
If “Pawn” is the moment of realization, “Deprogrammed” is the moment of courage. In this card, one pawn has stepped off the chessboard and found the exit. They are no longer content to be moved by forces outside of themselves. They have questioned the script.
This card affirms that youโre not here to play by inherited rules. Whether the manipulation came from culture, media, family, or old wounds, you are allowed to step away. You are allowed to break the pattern.
Yet, with awakening comes discomfort. Not everyone will understand. You may face pushback or feel lost in a new kind of freedom. Thatโs okay. You are shedding the mask, releasing the labels, and preparing for what comes next.
New Identity: Becoming Who You Really Are
Once the web is seen, once the program is broken, you are left with a question: Who am I now?
The “New Identity” card shows a pawn standing before a mirror. But its reflection is no longer small. It is evolving. It sees its potential. This is not about ego or superiority, but alignment.
You are not who you were when you started this journey. You’ve grown. You’ve seen through illusion. And now, you are invited to rebuild yourself from the inside out. Not with someone else’s blueprint, but with your own.
This is the moment to explore what it means to move, speak, create, and relate from a place of conscious choice. This is the beginning of spiritual maturity.
Becoming the Weaver
You are no longer the pawn. You are no longer simply reacting to what the world hands you. You are becoming the weaver…
The Circle and the Square: Sacred Integration and the Rainbow Bridge
Reflections on the Crop Circle discovered in May 2025
From fractured ground I rose, drawn by light I almost forgot. Above the noise, I found the truth, and brought it home to earth.
In May 2025, a stunning crop circle appeared in Sutton Veny, Wiltshire. It portrayed an intricate Celtic knot held within a circle, with a square at its center. While crop circles are often debated, and I recommend everyone find their own symbolism and meaning, asking ChatGPT about how it would interpret the response offered was:
The design has sparked various interpretations among researchers and enthusiasts. The Celtic knot is traditionally associated with themes of eternity and interconnectedness. The inclusion of a square at the center is seen by some as symbolic of grounding or structure, potentially representing the material world. This juxtaposition of the infinite (circle) and the finite (square) may suggest a message about balancing spiritual and material aspects of existence.
The circle has long represented spirit, eternity, and the boundless. The square is its earthly counterpart, representing form, structure, stability. For the square to sit within the circle is to place matter within spirit. This is such a powerful message: the material world is (or must be) held inside the container of the spiritual, not the other way around.
But for many of us, when it comes to the way we live our lives, weโve learned to do the opposite.
Forward vs. Backward Integration
The reason this became meaningful to me was because, years ago, within a dream, I was shown two ways humans align spiritually. One way was called, โforward integrationโ and the other โbackward integration.โ
Forward Integrationย is when we start with our spiritual values and shape our lifestyle around them. For example, believing in peace, and choosing not to fund or support industries that profit from war or exploitation, even if it’s inconvenient. Our lifestyles are brought into alignment with our spiritual values of peace and love.
Backward Integrationย is when our lifestyle comes first, representing our need to survive, fit in, or succeed. We package or compartmentalize our spiritual values to fit a box we live defined by our material lifestyles. We might believe in peace, love, and oneness with nature, but still support unethical entities or consume things manufactured through an extractive, exploitative, polluting, or destructive process because โthatโs just how life is.โ
This second way leads to a quiet but aching rift inside due to the need to live with cognitive dissonance or to engage in spiritual bypassing. Itโs like trying to build a temple of light using bricks soaked in shadow. Many of us live in this dissonance daily and donโt even realize it, because the disconnection has become normalized or seems impossible to overcome and still survive.
Building the Rainbow Bridge
The way out of dissonance, is through creating a bridge: bridging the material with the spiritual with new awareness….
A call to remember the colors we carry and the worlds we are shaping
The below is story I wrote based on a dream I had. I couldnโt fully remember it upon waking, but did the best I could to recreate it. It takes us through all of the steps, using them to bring ourselves and the Divine Feminine into harmony.
Within the quiet of my mind, suspended between waking and dream, I saw an angel approaching. Without a word, she took my left hand within her right and led me across a vast and tranquil plain. It was a realm untouched by the ways, the means, or the hands of men. We walked together in silence until Mary paused and lifted her gaze toward the heavens. Raising her left hand, she extended a single finger and traced an arc from left to right. At once, a magnificent rainbow appeared.
She then asked me to notice how a rainbow forms a path: it rises from the earth to the heavens before descending to earth again. “So full of hope,โ she said, and then another word followed, carried like a whisper on the wind: โDestiny.โ
Together we gazed upon the rainbow, and she said, โThis rainbow is your destiny. It is part of who you are, because you are part of everything.โ
We silently viewed the rainbow towering majestically above us. It was both vast and awe-inspiring, like a bridge spun from light itself. Yet when I turned to the angel, I saw no trace of astonishment in her eyes. She looked at me with quiet knowing, as if aware that we were witnessing a sacred truth, It was one she understood, and one I had only begun to glimpse.
โNotice how a rainbow borrows from all of Earthโs elements to tell its story,โ she said. โThe fiery light of the sun casts itself upon droplets of moisture suspended in the Earthโs atmosphere. The light is split into a chorus of colors which form the shape of a brilliant arch. This arch forms a bridge between Heaven and Earth. And wherever a rainbow appears, whether or not a storm has passed, its message is always the same. Each carries every hue that can be imagined, reflected in perfect harmony.โ
She continued, โYour life on Earth, dear child, contains all the colors that life can attest. You, and all upon the Earth, hold all the colors that Pure White Light can possess. Such colors are displayed as split but joined together in a way that unites them all. Intangible, but clearly visible, such a rainbow reveals its beauty, unmistakably and everywhere.โ
As the vision deepened, and I remained suspended between waking and dream, the rainbow began to take solid form. Looking closer, I saw countless souls from every walk of life standing upon it at different intervals..
โWalk it,โ the divine messenger stated, which I interpreted as a command. So I began to walk the rainbow’s path, walking with her, hand-in-hand. As I looked at her with eyes of wonder, she led me upward along the rainbowโs arc.
As we climbed higher, other hands began to join our own. Men, women, and children of every culture, faith, and lineage imaginable joined us on our journey skyward. When at last we gathered at the crest, our heavenly guide lifted her gaze and spoke. Her voice was clear and calm, ringing with divine certainty.
โChildren of both the Divine Father in Heaven and Divine Mother in Earth,โ she said, โlook down from heaven onto the world below.โ
She continued, โFrom this higher perspective, it is clear that it does not matter your physical characteristics, the religion or beliefs you follow, or what you have manifested in your life. What truly matters is your shared purpose, which is one of walking the Earth as equals, creating awareness of who you are in Truth.โ
We listened in reverent silence as she continued, โLook more clearly, dear ones. Stand upon this bridge between Heaven and Earth and see from a higher vantage point the living mural of all your collective fruits. See the destiny you paint upon your loving earth, how itโs been painted with forms and colors that emerge from your joined prayers.”
She continued, “Look upon your creations with loving, unjudging eyes. From the top of the rainbow, where you enter the realm of spirit, you perceive your true perfection. Only from a higher perspective, after rising above appearances and recalling the essence of your being, can you gain the clarity to ask questions that you might not otherwise consider. For example, you can inquire about how to set intentions, think, pray, and live in ways that honor the Earth as your companion and reflection on the journey to understand the One and All..โ
She further encouraged us, โThis is how to bridge Heaven back to Earth again and have it touch ground. While many of you are on a quest to rise and meet Spirit, only through descending back to the material realm can you bring the light of Spirit’s truth to the world of form.”
“As you stand high above the Earth, looking downward,” she guided us, “you can see more clearly how She, your Earth, reflects your level of alignment with your truest spiritual form. She represents both the shadow within you and your divine reflection. She teaches you a Higher Law that what you do unto the Earth, you do unto yourself, for She and you are One.“
As I began to ponder her instruction, the divine messenger resumed speaking, “Begin to see everything that is and that occurs as a form of communication.If you listen clearly, from a place of heightened awareness, you can learn what the Earthโyour guardian, and you hersโis broadcasting through Her form. Through a language of symbols and mirrors, She will show you how to allow your collective, embodied life to radiate the Pure White Light from which all Her rainbows are born.โ
She continued, โLook to Nature and see what has been created there. Where do you find a tree bearing healthy fruit, and where do you see the unhealthy weeds that, without boundaries, threaten what longs to flower more radiantly? Whatever you observeโand without labeling it as good or bad, but simply what isโask yourself, What thoughts, desires, beliefs, or unseen seeds has this been sown from?
โDo not overlook the power of conventions, daily habits, and lifestyles, for these too are seeds in action. Like invasive weeds, they may spread and multiply until the original seed is difficult to find or to take accountability for.โ
Pointing toward a part of the Earth spoiled by human hands and efforts, she said, โHere among the weeds lie the roots of collective prayers and thought-forms that have sown imbalance and chaos into a world still yearning to know peace and love.โ
Then turning toward a landscape more vibrant and alive, she spoke again, โAnd here, within all that is beautiful, balanced, and unpolluted, dwell the seeds of Natureโs abundant, thriving fruits. Examining these fruits, and contemplating why they manifested more wholesomely, you may learn how to think and pray in more united and fertile ways.โ
She lifted her gaze, her expression both tender and firm. โYou can then unlearn the false conditioning that teaches you to adore the very seeds that bear unfriendly or polluting fruits. Choose instead to sow and create what serves the good of all. For, all are One, including One with the Earth Herself.โ
The divine herald’s voice grew quieter, as though speaking directly into the heart. She spoke, โTest all your thoughts for their truth in Spirit, for each must be tested. Test your wants and prayers for their wider effects, for all have effects. Test what or whom you follow, believe, serve, or invest inโincluding through engaging in a consumer economy. Ask yourself, why? See how your light, and all its colors, touch everything and help paint the greater picture of your world.
โKnow that humanity and Mother Earth are joined as One. With your minds, your hearts, and the works of your hands, you shape creation itself,” She reminded us. “Yet remember: whatever you manifest can never alter who you truly are in Spirit. It only mirrors how you see yourself and offers a story for your soul to tell.โ
Then, In each of our right hands appeared a paintbrush, and in each of our left hands, a palette filled with all the colors of the rainbow.
The angels then looked upon us and said, โWhen you gaze down upon the Earth below, you may see that, through your conjoined efforts, you have painted a portrait of the son of man beginning to see himself as the Son of the Creator, and yet still painting the likeness of one bound to the image of man. Such a man becomes a son of industry, a son of bondage to all he conforms and falsely relies. You are not creatures of self-destruction, beloved ones. You hold the choice to paint a life that unfolds in new and liberated ways.โ
She continued, โBe mindful of the divisions you create that keep you separated from Peace and from one another. In truth, you are all joined, One in Spirit, with the Creator of All That Is.โ
Paintbrush in hand and radiant with beauty, wisdom, and strength, she spoke, โMake the choice to paint this truth upon the Earth you see. Paint it into your experiences and realities. It is time to embody what you know of your true Self. Look down from the top of this rainbow and ask Nature how to live this truth. Your material world is alive with mirrors. As such, it is alive with the portraits you choose to paint, the colors you use, and the stories each portrait tells.โ
โAsk yourselves,โ she urged, โwhat within you allows you to treat yourselves or the Earth as if unworthy? For when your bodies and the Earth become polluted, this is a symptom of something deeper. Your brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, children, and Mother Earth are all ever worthy. When you, as a part of humankind, treat any form of life unkindly, it communicates where you have forgotten the colors of what you truly are, and of what All divinely is.โ
As she spoke, she invited us to gaze upon the Earth with new eyesโeyes that know how to blend foresight with conscious intention.
โFree yourselves,โ she then said gently. โYou are here to learn a new freedom. You are called to remember who you are and why you came to Earth. The Earth is a story about yourself, first not knowing who you are and then learning the Truth. You are not a product to buy or sell. You own nothing and are owned by nothing. When you define yourself through the shadows of the world, you create suffering. When you define yourself through enlightened prayer, you recreate Truth. And if you cannot pray for light and peace to define your world, why pray at all?โ
A question stirred within me: What if no one prayed at all?
Our angelic guide seemed to hear the thought before I could voice it. โYou always have a choice,โ she said softly. โYou may choose whether or not to learn a lesson within a lifetime. Through not choosing, you never fail. You merely begin again. The cycle continues until you awaken.โ
With these words, the vision shifted. The radiant angel lifted her hand toward a new horizon, and a glimpse of a possible future opened before us. I saw enlightened communities where men, women, and children were clothed in white, living in harmony upon the Earth. They shared freely, learned together, and tended the land with reverence. They no longer relied on money, but on an economy of exchange, and trust. Lifestyles were simpler and gentler. Power was ecologically responsible, and people lovingly shared responsibilities.
These were the communities that had learned to walk the way of the rainbow bridge. They were made up of souls who had learned to create a bridge between Heaven and Earth, connecting both realms with a paintbrush of living light.
Note: this is a newer version of a story I wrote contained in the book, I am the Lotus, Not the Muddy Pond.
I’ve been receiving a message very strongly lately regarding the opening and closing of doors. The doors we open for our neighbors are the doors we open for ourselves. The tactics that we allow to be used on our neighbors are the tactics that could end up used on ourselves.
In the same vein, the doors you close for others you close to yourself. Those doors then become unavailable for your to walk through should you ever find yourself needing to in the future.
A romantic obsession is an unrealistic attachment to someone who is not interested in you. If the other person has ended the relationship and you cannot accept that, your pursuit then becomes problematic.
If youโre trying to get over a relationship that has ended, the task is much more difficult if youโre obsessed with the other person. That means that you think about him or her all the time and fervently wish the you two were still together. Perhaps youโre even tempted to become a stalker!
If youโre in this situation, there are things that you can and should do to get over it. Here are five tips for getting over a romantic obsession.
1. Cut off all contact with your romantic obsession
If the other person has not already done this, you must end all contact. That means you should not meet the person, talk to him or her on the phone, or text them. Remove the person from your list of friends/connections on Facebook and other social media sites. Return all their belongings and take all your stuff back.
2. Curb your obsessive impulses
When you feel a strong impulse to get into contact with the object of your obsessive feelings, stop and think about it rather than acting immediately. Review the situation in your mind: that the other person ended the relationship and has made it clear that they wonโt reconsider the decision. Think about the fact that your obsession with the person is impractical and is not contributing to your happiness or fulfillment.
3. Demolish your fantasy
Understanding that your obsession is based on a fantasy (you and the other person being together in the long term), you should question that fantasy until it crumbles. Think about the fact that the other person has rejected you. Recognize that your dream about being with them in a loving relationship is a delusion. Accept that their romantic interest in you has ended.
4. Grieve
When you have implemented the aforementioned three points and are beginning to feel somewhat less obsessive, allow yourself to grieve. Obviously, your relationship with the other person was important to you. However, you formed an attachment that was ultimately not reciprocated. Donโt spend too much time pondering about what went wrong or what you could have done differently. Instead, give yourself permission to experience the intense sadness that comes with the end of a relationship.
5. Get counseling
If the previous steps didnโt work and you are still absorbed in your obsession with the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, it may be necessary to seek counseling. This is especially true if you are finding it difficult to function normally. A professional counselor will be able to assess your condition and recommend therapeutic interventions.
A loving attachment to another person can be a wonderful thing. But an obsessive attachment to someone who has rejected you is a problem. Such an obsession burdens both you and the other person. Following these five recommendations will help you to overcome this obsession.
Online Dating Dangers: Watch Out For These Red Flags
Dating online is more common than ever, but that doesnโt mean there arenโt any pitfalls or dangers to avoid. It helps to know some of the common online dangers so that you can better protect yourself.
The world of dating has changed markedly in the last couple of decades. The emergence of social media and the plethora of dating websites has all but eliminated the stigma once associated with meeting people online, and these days couples are as likely to meet on the Internet as at the local bar or night club.
If you are looking for love, chances are you will go online at some point. Whether you sign up for one of the many online dating sites out there or just put out a few feelers to your cadre of social media friends, it is important to keep your defenses up. While most people are honest both online and off, men and women with nefarious intentions sometimes hang out online and look for easy victims.
In some cases, those nefarious online daters are out for your cash. They try to guilt you or trick you into paying their expenses, financing their business dreams or bailing them out of their latest misadventure. In other cases these online fraudsters are trying to take advantage of you in other ways, soliciting sexual images or talking you into doing things you may regret later.
No matter what the situation, falling prey to a bad online dating partner can be devastating on many different levels. These best defense against these individuals is prevention, and that means learning to spot the red flags. Here are some troubling signs that your online dating partner is not all he or she is cracked up to be.
They have a sketchy social media presence, or none at all
Watch out for would-be dating partners who seem reluctant to share their social media with you โ they could be hiding something.
They move way too fast
Watch out for online dating partners who profess their love after a couple of texts or chats on Skype. If you feel that things are moving too fast, you need to take a step back and evaluate the situation.
They try to engage in sexual talk
They ask for nude or provocative selfies or try to engage you in sexual talk too quickly. There are creeps online, and asking for inappropriate pictures is one of their main modes of operation.
They claim to be someone important
They say they are an important person. They may have pictures of holding hands with the president or something that seems to good to be true. There are military and other scams out there where men are pretending to be who they are not. If they give you images, check closely to see if they look photoshopped or upload them to google (where you can do an image search) and search them to see if they come up connected to a scam of any kind.
They need financial help
They want you to cash a check for them or try to get you financially involved with something.
They want to come to your house rather than go out in public
They donโt want to take you out somewhere public and instead want to know where you live, to hang out are your house or to take you to their house where it is easier to allow things to get hot and heavy too fast.
They go dark
They go dark for long periods of time. Watch out for the person who bombards you with text messages and proclamations of love one day and suddenly stops responding. Long periods of online silence could mean your new beau is living a double life or hiding a troubling secret.
They won’t share information about their personal lives
They hate to talk about their pasts. Everyone has a past, and talking about family and personal history is a big part of the dating process. Be wary of partners who seem reluctant to share personal details or even talk about their past experiences.
They won’t meet you in person
They avoid face-to-face meetings. Talking online and chatting over Skype is great, but eventually you will want to meet face to face. A potential dating partner who refuses to meet you in real life is a major red flag.
They are cagey about their careers.
There is no shame in working an entry-level job, or even being unemployed, so you should be wary of anyone who seems reluctant to share what they do for a living.
Dating online can be a great way to meet that special someone, but it pays to be cautious. Whether you are new to the dating world or jumping back in after the end of a long-term relationship, recognizing and avoiding these red flags and pitfalls is the best way to protect your heart โ and your wallet.
Compatibility is an important part of a romantic relationship. Physical attraction and good conversation are important, but you have to look at your lifestyle and plans you have for your future too. If you are at opposite ends of the spectrum, you might not have enough in common to have a successful long-term relationship. This article outlines outlines four signs that you and the man or woman you are dating might not be compatible.
It can be difficult to find someone you are compatible enough with to share a life with, but itโs worth waiting for. Being compatible doesnโt mean youโre exactly the same. It does mean you share the same ideas about the important matters and can spend time with in activities you both enjoy. Here are four signs that you might not be compatible as a couple.
1. You are ambitious, they are not
If youโre an ambitious person, you want to be with someone who is also ambitious. While it isnโt that much of a concern if the person is not as ambitious as you, if they have no goals whatsoever, they might not understand or support you as much as you might need. If you are working toward a future that involves travel, children, and financial security, you want to be with someone who has the same ideas about his future. If the person youโre involved with is content living paycheck-to-paycheck, thereโs nothing wrong with that, but they might not be a match for you.
2. Youโre active, they are sedentary
If you live a life of adventure and fitness, you want to be with someone who is into those things as well. If you are dating someone who prefers video games, fast food, and staying home, such a person probably isnโt the right person for you. Itโs important that couples share similar lifestyles. If you are in a relationship with someone who lives an opposite lifestyle, you will either find yourself doing things without them a lot or you will stop doing things you love in order to spend time with them. If an active and healthy lifestyle is important to you, being with someone with similar priorities.
3. You never know how they feel about you
If the person youโre dating isnโt open or clear about the way they feel, they might not be the โoneโ for you. When youโve been seeing someone for a while, he or she should be consistent in the way they treat you as well as open about their feelings and intentions. A person who runs hot and cold isnโt a love interest you should waste time on. You want to invest in someone that you know is as serious about you as you are about them. If you desire being told and shown youโre wanted and loved, and the person youโre involved with isnโt like that, youโre not compatible.
4. Youโre only happy with one aspect of your relationship
If youโre only happy with the physical or emotional side of your relationship, youโre not getting as much out of your relationship as you could be. If a person youโre involved with only satisfies you in one way, you donโt need to settle. Itโs a common misconception that you canโt expect to find someone who is the whole package. This doesnโt mean the person has to be perfect. Perfection is not a quality you should aspire to find.
If you want to spend your life with someone, sharing a similar lifestyle is important. Liking someone is a good start, but without a solid foundation it will be difficult to keep the relationship strong and moving forward.
A woman who doesnโt value herself might not see her worth and how much she offers the world and others. She may not see that what she has to offer is equal in measure to what others have to offer. Due to this, she may exhibit behavior that allows others to treat her poorly. Here are six common signs that a woman has a low sense of self-worth.
1. She may attract men who donโt value women
A woman who doesnโt value herself will allow a love interest to treat her in a devaluing way. She may pick lovers who come and go from her life or who to treat her casually or with disrespect. Because she wants love, she may sometimes give into sexual advances or consent to having a casual relationships feeling that this is the way to find love. She may forgive all types of abuse or even violence, feeling swept up by the fantasy of who her love interest has the potential to be rather than who he truly is.
Because she feels a deep wound inside and yearning for love, this makes her vulnerable to falling for the amorous advances of charmers and players who may be seeking a romantic high or to take advantage in other ways. While the attention and charm might leave her feeling she has met the man of her dreams, these dreams may be crushed when such a love interest proves unfaithful, abusive, or disappears for days or weeks at a time. Because she hopes the fantasy was real, she will often forgive or take these love interests back too easily. In order to begin to value herself, she will have to be willing to sacrifice fantasy and charm in order to value stability. She will also have to be able to see a man for who he really is and whether he respects women. She will have to value herself enough to be selective.
2. She has a fear of rocking the boat
Women who do not value themselves may have a fear of rocking the boat in their relationships. Because of this, they can fail to adequately stand up for themselves when necessary, or to confront situations head on. Using the example of where a man is coming in and out of her life, she may not even question him as to where he has been or why he disappeared, afraid that doing so might cause him to want distance again. Unfortunately, through this behavior, she is showing others that they do anything they want to her, however hurtful or demeaning, and that she will always be there. Such a woman doesnโt expect to be treated better and has contented herself with merely settling for whatever table scraps she can get. To overcome this dynamic, she will have to become more willing to stand up for herself.
3. She is afraid of attracting a man of integrity because she is afraid of feeling inferior to him
A woman who does not value herself may have a hard time visualizing herself with a man who is committed and successful in life and relationships. The very thought of dating this type of man may bring up fear. If such a woman was to go more deeply into this fear, she might discover that it is a fear of feeling inferior to such a man who she might feel is more likely to reject her.
It may feel easier for a woman who doesnโt value herself to be in a relationship with a man who she considers inferior or who cannot or will not commit. Dating these types of men boost her self-esteem. This is because she can idealize that she is playing the role of the rescuer. When such men refuse to alter their ways, she can then feel a victim, blaming such men for the disappointment she feels. This dynamic is unhealthy, because it feeds the fantasy that one person in the relationship is superior and the other inferior. A woman in such a relationship may flip back and forth between feeling inferior to the man who will not change for her and superior to him at the same time. The way out of this dynamic would be for her to choose a man who is more her equal, who will not need to be rescued, and who might seem a little less exciting (i.e., less drama). She will then have to be willing to face the feelings of vulnerability this might bring up.
4. She is needy and clingy
A woman who doesnโt value herself will have low self-esteem that can make her feel needy, moody, jealous, and clinging. During times where those in her life might be busy or unable to give her attention, she might interpret that she will be rejected, abandoned, or replaced by someone more worthy. She may text a lot throughout the day or need a lot of contact or else be withdrawn and fearful of asserting herself.
Because of her neediness, a woman who does not value herself is often willing to compromise and lose herself in a relationship. She may drop her interests and friends to spend all of her time thinking about or tending to a love interest and his needs and interests. She may be jealous in unhealthy ways and this may cause her to react irrationally to what she perceives as a slight. She might fear that another woman will catch her love objects attention. If a woman doesnโt value herself, she may falsely assume that holding onto a loved one requires her to cling so theyโre not tempted to leave.
5. She doesnโt take care of herself
A woman who doesnโt value herself may not take care of herself well. She might overindulge in alcohol, drugs, foods, or other addictions. Nutritionally, she might not feed her body what is healthy or what it deserves. She doesnโt treasure her body and may therefore abuse it or feel it has let her down. When it comes to her appearance, she may either place too much value on it or give it no value at all. If she is the former, she may starve herself to look good, buying designer clothes to feel good enough, or feel the need to have plastic surgery. If she is the latter, she may not believe she is worthy to look good, to have nice clothes, or to pamper herself now and then.
6. She lacks her own ambition
A woman who doesnโt value herself may lack the confidence to follow her heart and her dreams when it comes to her career or having a life purpose. When it comes to her choice in a job she may:
work at a job that is beneath her and which doesnโt make her happy
choose a career that someone else chose for her or that will make someone else happy (like a parent or love interest)
prefer not to work at all and to be taken care of by others
A woman who doesnโt value herself might do these things because she doesnโt really know herself or what she wants from life. She may only know how to define herself either through what others want or through how others can support and provide for her.
When it comes to her partner, she might not be able to provide the understanding or support he needs to fulfill his dreams because she doesnโt know what it is like to fulfill her own.
Overall, a woman who does not value herself will appear insecure, unhealthy, and unhappy. If this sounds like you, then it is not too late to turn this around. Learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. Make sure others treat you kindly and fairly, let go of neediness and clinging, and search inside your heart for what life purpose would fulfill you beyond the need to please other people around you.
Breaking up is one of the most difficult things that can happen in oneโs love life, especially if things didnโt end in a way that the relationship is unsalvageable. You may not understand what strategy to employ to help your ex notice you or desire to try again. You might be worried about acting in a way that might serve to push them further awaybecause you still feel there is still a chance.
How do you know if there is still a chance for you and your ex? Can you get him back? Or are youโre attempts pushing an ex further away? How do you know if youโre acting desperate, or if youโre showing that you can manage without him or her? If itโs a relationship worth fighting for (and not one which you are simply being codependent or settling for something abusive), then before you give up or act out in a way that pushes a loved one away, try out the 5 different strategies below:
1. Say one, last sincere apology
If possible, say one last sincere apology after the breakup. Perhaps your breakup didnโt go so well and you feel like thereโs no closure towards the end of your relationship. Saying one last apology thatโs sincere can help you relieve the pain thatโs brought about by the confusion of a messy breakup and let you know if there is still a chance for rekindling. Itโs your choice if you still want to meet in person or if you want to leave a message. Whatever you think is the most appropriate way to give your sincerest apologies, gratitude, and appreciation for the relationship, do so. Do not repeat this step over and over again, as this might push your ex away even more.
2. Avoid contact
This may sound counterintuitive to the plans of getting your ex back. However, this is a time where you can give your ex some space to think about the good times in your relationship. This will also give them the opportunity to miss your presence. If there is still a chance to get things on track you don’t want to rush things and push a love interest away.. If you keep on making yourself available even after the breakup, all they would think about are the reasons why you shouldnโt be together anymore. In some cases, absence can make the heart grow fonder, as they say. Do not attempt to message them more after your apology.
3. Still be in touch with mutual friends
If you and your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend have mutual friends, make sure to still be in touch with them. Do not overdo this step, though. It can be helpful to still meet up with them every once in a while so that your ex will feel like youโre out of their life, but still somewhat a part of it. Itโs a strategic situation to be in. There will be instances where the two of you can be invited to certain events. Be okay with this, and be civil with your ex when these situations arise. Do not act hurt or affected.
4. Donโt be all over them when they reach out to you
Unless your relationship ended acrimoniously, it is likely your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend will start to miss you. At this point they may try to reach out, either by messaging you are asking you to come see them. When this happens, donโt be all over them. Be accommodating to them, but at the same time, donโt be wrapped in their fingers. Let them feel that you have a life but at the same time, you appreciate that they still made an effort to contact you again. After all, you can never be sure of what would happen during this stage. You can get back together, but it doesnโt mean that the relationship could work out for the good.
5. Live your life
Living your life doesnโt just mean showing off to your ex. It just means sincerely looking for hobbies and opportunities to improve yourself. Doing things just to fill in the void will tire you. Only do things where you know you can find fulfillment. This works in two ways. Itโs either you will learn to move on if your relationship is not meant to be, or your ex will come to you realizing how great of a person you are. Whatever the result is, itโs a win-win situation. However, if you try to flaunt in the wrong way that you are seeing new people or have moved on, it could push an ex away or may feel orchestrated, so remember to employ this step in a prudent way.
Getting an ex back is something that a lot of heartbroken people want to do. It’s not unusually for there to be still a chance to rekindle what once was. Although itโs not a guaranteed success all the time, itโs still possible in some situations to make your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend to recommit.
Are You About to Be Dumped? 5 Warning Signs to Alert You
Have you ever had the uncomfortable feeling that you are about to be dumped? Is your partner close to calling it quits on your relationship?
Break-ups can seem like they come out of the blue, but there are often warning signs that something is wrong. Does your partner show any of these signs that your relationship may be fading?
Dropping Hints
Many people canโt help but let hints slip out when they are considering ending a relationship. Does your partner make comments about how the two of you arenโt right for each other or say youโll never be able to work out your problems? When you get into fights, does your partner threaten to leave? If your partner has no hope for your relationship, it is probably ending.
Decreased Intimacy
People who are in love typical canโt keep their hands off each other, especially if you havenโt been together for more than a few years. A lack of physical affection will often accompany the decline of a romantic relationship. If the passion in your romance has cooled significantly, or if you partner no longer touches you, it indicates a potential problem.
Picking Fights
Does it sometimes seem that your partner is intentionally pushing your buttons or trying to cause conflict between the two of you? When people want out of a relationship, they may begin to employ sabotage strategies. Your partner could be doing this consciously in an attempt to force you to initiate the breakup, or it could be a subconscious reaction to a stressful situation.
A Vague Future
Making plans for the future is a hallmark of a long-term relationship. When one person suddenly becomes evasive about making plans or no longer wants to daydream about shared goals, a split may be on the horizon. You should not be the only one in your relationship planning for a future together.
Cheating
Cheating, whether itโs emotional or physical, means serious trouble for a couple. Your cheating partner may be craving attention that you are unable to give, or the cheating may be relationship suicide.
Either way, cheating is almost always a death blow to a romantic partnership, and a cheating partner apparently has little interest in keeping the relationship stable.
The end of a relationship can be devastating, but itโs easier when you know that the break-up is coming. If your partner is showing any of these signs of wanting to end your relationship, prepare yourself: It is very possible you are about to be dumped. You may want to be the one to end things on your terms.
A calm, even affectionate, divorce is possible. Marriage breakdowns often degenerate into bitterness quite unnecessarily.
If you believe a civilized divorce is both desirable and possible, try the following:
1. Recognize that the end of a marriage doesnโt have to be someoneโs fault
Many people feel that unless anger, bitterness, and even hatred are involved, they are doing something wrong. You arenโt. Donโt whip up anger and hate where none existed. Marriages can simply run their course. Perhaps the chemistry was never quite right and things came to a natural end, with neither partner able to maintain the lie any longer. Never forget that most people find marriage hard. Sharing a small living space, and especially a toilet, bathroom, and bed, with the same person year in year out is never easy.
2. Remember that divorce is a positive thing
The comedian Louis CK once joked that divorce is the good bit because no happy marriage ever ends, adding that he needed his friendโs sympathies while he was married, not now that he was divorced. Happy marriages do not end. Two individuals are making one another miserable and decide to separate. That is a positive step. Divorce, like most things in life, is a matter of perspective. You can choose to see this as the end of your life or the beginning of an exciting new chapter.
3. Be wary of divorce attorneys
If you are paying someone to represent you during your divorce, it is in their interest to stir up as much hatred and anger as possible. The more messy, bitter and drawn out a divorce becomes, the more money the attorney will make. Why not do it yourself? People often look back and say โI needed my attorney because things had grown too bitter. My partner and I could never have sat down and discussed thingsโ, failing to see that it was only when the attorneys got involved that things became bitter! In the UK, around 40% of couples now avoid attorneys altogether.
4. Do not allow fear to mutate into anger
Divorce often generates a huge amount of fear. People look to the future and panic about everything from money to loneliness. Any therapist will tell you that frightened people become angry people. You have evolved to equate fear with danger, and danger with the need to attack or defend. Try to rationalize your fears. If possible, seek counselling. Divorce is very common and something most counsellors are trained to deal with. They will help you work through the fear and thus avoid the anger.
5. Do not allow your family or friends to create bitterness and hatred where none existed
When couples announce their intention to divorce, family and friends are inevitably drawn in. Parents and siblings often take divorce as a personal insult. For example, they may reassure their son that โshe was never good enough for youโ when what they really mean is โhow dare she divorce you! She was never good enough for my family/us/me!โ. Other family members may now feel free to release years of pent up irritation and dislike. Worst of all are those neighbors and friends who take secret delight in the drama. Never allow anyone to turn your divorce into a soap opera.
Of course, few things are easier than giving advice. But a peaceful, civilized divorce is often easier than many people realize. It is certainly better than the alternative.
Preconscious Thinking: How to Increase Your Intuition
Do you want to know how to increase your intuition? If not, perhaps you should. Intuitive insights can provide valuable information.
Stacey, for instance, felt the urge not to take a shortcut home one evening. The following day, she learned that a woman who traveled the same route that night and had been attacked. Listen to your intuition, and you might glean data that improves or even saves your life, but how can you go about doing so?
Initially, Stacey described her sense of intuition as โfear accompanied by discomfort in her stomach.โ However, looking back, she recalled an image flashed through her mind. The depiction was a poorly lit alley, the type, Stacey mentioned, โWhere people get attacked in movies.โ She was confused, though, since there was no alley in the shortcut.
Most likely, Staceyโs preconscious mind presented a picture of a dark alley because she could instantly connect it with foreboding, and her instincts told her she was in danger. Your preconscious mind displays data visually too. Like Stacey, though, you might not notice images that appear straight away, if at all.
What are pre-conscious visions?
You see images in your mind often. When you think of a chore to accomplish, a picture of you doing it may pop into your head. The same applies to when you recall the past. Additionally, thereโs a gap between sleep and wakefulness when hypnagogic pictures stream, although they donโt always rise into consciousness sufficiently to be recognized.
Many images originate consciously, but hypnagogic visions may surface from an unconscious, or preconscious level. Preconscious thought sits somewhere between stored data you canโt see and full awareness. It rises when needed, but might also appear for no apparent reason. Thus, not all of the pictures your mind produces are intuitive guidance.
How does one notice preconscious imagery?
Much of the time, you arenโt aware of your mindโs imagery, but you can increase attentiveness. When you go to bed, intend to connect with a hypnagogic state. Take deep breaths and notice how, w hen you shut your eyes and relax, you can see patterns, shapes, colors, or complete pictures.
Let your intuition flow. Donโt consider what pictures represent since youโll drop out of a hypnagogic state. When youโre used to observing pre-dream images, practice noticing those that flash into your mind during the day.
If you canโt see anything, use a prompt. Choose a topic, such as a place youโve never been, and observe what your imagination produces. When youโre good at seeing the pictures, ask your preconscious mind questions to raise your intuition. For example, if you have strong feelings, ask for images to show their meanings.
Since the brain sometimes offers data as symbols or metaphors, donโt expect an explicit representation. For example, if you ask whether the job youโre applying for is suitable, you might see a hang glider sailing through the sky, suggesting no hidden problems are detected.
Make recognizing preconscious visions a habit, and youโll be more aware of the information they convey. Also, remember data isnโt necessarily obvious. You need to think about what the pictures you see represent instead of accepting them at face value. The more you practice, the easier observing your intuition will be. Plus, the emergence of images may increase as a result of your attention.
Abuse in a relationship should never be tolerated. However, you might be surprised by what constitutes an abusive relationship. You might think of abuse as physical, but hitting, slapping, and threats of harm are not the only kinds of maltreatment. Here are some subtle signs of abuse that should not be ignored.
1. Your feelings are invalidated on a regular basis
If a love interest ignores your feelings or suggests you are wrong to feel the way you do, he or she is inflicting emotional abuse. Even if such a person does not understand or agree with how you view a situation, that doesnโt make you wrong. If he or she walks away or gets mad when you cry, your feelings are being invalidated. A love interest who cares about you will listen to you and try to understand. He or she will not tell you youโre wrong, stupid, or emotional.
2. You are being called names
Name-calling is never an acceptable form of behavior in a relationship. If your love interest calls you a name for any reason, he or she is out of line. Whether you are being called a โbabyโ for crying or having derogatory names hurled at you when youโre having a fight, you are being abused. Even if you have gotten used to being called names throughout your relationship, itโs still wrong. You must stand up for yourself and make it clear that you will not tolerate being called names.
3. You are given the silent treatment as a form of punishment
While it is good to be able to retreat when an argument gets heated and take a time out, repeatedly giving a love interest the silent treatment (or threatening to leave or breakup) is usually a deliberate tactic that is intended to inflict pain. The message communicated is, โUnless you do things my way, you wonโt receive love or will be abandoned.โ It is passive aggressive and controlling behavior. Be determined to break the silence and let your partner know that this form of abuse will not be tolerated.
4. Your love interest disappears for long periods
If the person you are involved with disappears for long periods without contacting you, he or she is attempting to let you know that you are not a priority nor valued. Sometimes, it can even be a sign that the person you care for is seeing other women. While a person you are dating shouldnโt have to be in constant contact with you on a daily basis, if he or she is disappearing for days on end or not replying to messages, only to show up later acting like nothing is wrong, then this is a sign you are involved with someone abusive.
5. Your love interest sulks when he doesnโt get his way
Love interests who pout or give you the cold shoulder when they donโt get their way (or who get angry and say you donโt love him as much as they thought) are being manipulative. The point of getting upset with you is to make you feel guilty and give in. Donโt. If the person you are involved with finds this tactic works, he or she may be tempted to use it more often.
6. A love interest continues behavior youโve asked him to stop
If the person youโre involved with refuses to stop doing something that offends you when asked, he or she is lording his power over you, takes pleasure in giving pain, or is making sure you know whoโs boss. This can include a love interest thinking it is funny to call you a name you asked them to not call you, to tickle you when you donโt like being tickled, or to initiate sex or a sexual advance when youโve already said โno.โ
7. You frequently feel caught up in no-win situations and arguments
Double-bind situations are situations where you canโt win no matter what you do. They create anxiety for the target because, as humans, most of us have a natural desire to escape upsetting situations where another person can feel offended or we can feel hurt. One good example is below:
A man gets upset with his wife over her seeking employment. He states that he would prefer that she stay at home with the kids and let him support her. However, when the wife rejects the opportunity for employment in an effort to appease her husband, instead of being supportive, he regularly puts her down or complains about how she isnโt contributing financially.
There are many different types of situations where this kind of double-bind can occur. If you start to feel damned if you do and damned if you donโt on a regular basis, to the point it affects you sense of self-worth, this could be a sign that you are being abused.
8. He or she gaslights you
When a love interest gaslights you, he or she is attempting to make you feel crazy. One example is when a love interest accuses their partner of being crazy, paranoid, and imagining things for confronting situations where their is a valid reason for concern (financially, with infidelity, or with something else that is being hidden). This type of abuse is usually intended to wear the target down so that he or she either accepts unacceptable behavior without question or will remain blind to something hidden. If you are going through this and finding that you are starting to doubt yourself or feel crazy, then you may be in an abusive relationship.
9. He or she is dishonest or takes advantage of you
While it is natural that people withhold the truth or lie a little in relationships, if it is becoming a problem, or you are dealing with infidelity or other betrayals, you are being abused. This includes financial forms of dishonesty such as hiding money from you, stealing from you, or taking unfair financial advantage. If you start feeling taken advantage of on a regular basis, it could be you are in an abusive relationship.
Itโs not uncommon for people to view abuse only as physical violence. But abuse affects more than the body. Any behavior that seeks to manipulate, insult, or harm you in any way is abusive, and therefore, unacceptable.
Kind people are often proud to be empathic. They believe empathy is evidence of their sensitivity to the needs of others, and theyโre not wrong. Stepping into anotherโs shoes can drain your energy when practiced without self-care, though. If you can use your insightful nature judiciously, it is more likely everyone will benefit. This is because you will no longer soak up othersโ stress and youโll have the clarity to help them.
Definition of Empathy
Empathic people pick up the verbal and non-verbal cues from others about how they feel. Their keen observance allows them to recognize the joy and pain others experience. Body language, tone of voice, and attitudes provide clues about peopleโs mental states.
If you are empathic, you recognize othersโ feelings and take them inside your body and mind to test how they feel and expand understanding. You try on their emotions for size whether they ask for help or not. Even when youโre watching TV, you become engrossed in whatโs happening, drawing the charactersโ moods inside you. Everyone tunes into others to a degree, but your experience is intense.
When Empathy is Useful
Whether you assist others professionally or listen to a troubled friend, empathy can help. When you empathize, you glean information people wonโt always reveal with words, and see the emotions behind what they say. You receive the vibrations of their feelings.
You may mirror peopleโs movements and let the feeling in your body tell you more about them. Recognition of their moods provides valuable insight that helps you understand their needs.
Know When to Switch to Concern
There comes a point when itโs necessary to switch from empathy to concern. Once you know how others feel, empathy alone has no value. If you identify with peopleโs mindsets but are no longer useful to them, your own well-being dwindles. The best way to use empathy is to gain awareness and then return to a calm, balanced mental state.
Recall your intention to assist others but do not share their emotions. Being self-aware can help you switch from empathy to concern and help without suffering. As soon as you have insight into peopleโs emotions, remember you arenโt them, and go back to feeling like you.
Let empathy guide you when you want to gain understanding and then return to a state of harmony rather than becoming overwhelmed. When calm, you can use the knowledge gleaned via empathy to see peopleโs difficulties and be helpful without feeling overwhelmed.
Does Dreaming of Your Ex Mean They Are Thinking Of You?
It depends on the dream.
Before analyzing a dream it is important to understand how dreaming works. Images, actions, and symbols in dream often pertain to something that is going on within the dreamers emotional life rather than their ex’s. After all, how many individuals have experienced reoccurring dreams regarding an ex and yet nothing transpired from them in a way to determine them to be purely precognitive? This is because most dreams do not function this way.
Occasionally dreams can be precognitive or empathic, but most function as internal processing of the dreamers feelings regarding situations, events, and relationships. For the average person, dreams focus on the self and our personal thoughts, our hopes or fears. This can include our feelings concerning how others perceive us or the shared relationship.
Sometimes we pick up projections of another person’s hopes, fears, or emotions and these become intertwined within our dreams. But, in general, it is best to see dreams as a way to explore deeper within yourself. Use your dreams to learn more about what makes you tick before making assumptions about your ex.
So, why do I dream of my ex?
Many of us dream of our ex’s because they had important lessons to teach us about love. We learn from them what we hope for in a relationships, what patterns or blocks we have when it comes to love. Some questions to consider are below:
1. Is your ex metaphorically living with you because you think of them often?
Being “with” someone in a dream can even indicate emotionally living ones life “with” that person–idealistically or otherwise. A question to ask is, “Are you dreaming of your ex because in some way you are keeping them close to you? Are you thinking about them all the time, so that they are living with you in some regard?
2. Are you dreaming of your ex because they represent a romantic ideal?
Dreaming of a particular love interest can indicate they represent an ideal partner. For example, I often dream about Brad Pitt romantically, even though I don’t think of him much in waking life. My subconscious remembers the movies I’ve seen of him. Part of me thinks, “Wow, he’s the ideal, attractive, sensual, and charming lover.” Our exes, if we are still idealize them and how they made us feel, can represent the same kind of fantasy or ideal.
3. Do you have a lack of closure or left over debris?
Sometimes, dreaming about an ex simply means there is left-over psychic debris, unprocessed emotions, or unlearned lessons. Some of this can even be from past lives. A lack of closure can cause you to be subconsciously waiting for an ex to return which can reflect in your dream content. If you have more stressful dreams of your ex, your mind could be processing old irritations, hurts, or frustrations.
4. Are you dreaming about your ex because they represent a period where a pattern started?
I have regular and recurrent dreams of certain high school friends. I never thought of them in waking life. I dreamed about them because they all stand for something. They are points in my life where a certain emotional pattern started. For example, I looked up to the cool girl in high school and hoped she approved of me. So, when I see her in dreams, she symbolizes the cool girl who I wanted to be like and who I wanted to meet her approval. If you are dreaming of your ex, could they be there to show you where a pattern started–positive or negative?
Summary of things to note when dreaming of someone repeatedly:
1. Recurring dream themes or content with a specific person: Usually represents the lessons you have to learn from the person, hopes, fears, feelings of feeling at home with the person. Also, recurring people in dreams, even friends, especially of past can symbolize old psychological complexes that still affect you in the present, or left-over karmic or psychic debris that is circling around in your energy field.
2. Time element: How old is everyone in the dream? If its someone way past, it still means your living out that energy/trauma/hurt/unfulfilled hope that started at that time, especially if in the dreams you are both that younger age and appearance.
3. Symbols: What do the recurring people in your dreams symbolize to you? Some are people we see as threatening, some as desirable, some as smart, some as funny, some as comrades or confidants, some as life long loves, and some as unrequited loves. Your dream could merely be about the symbol. What other symbols are in the dreams and what do they represent? Are there any that frequently reoccur?
None of the above necessarily means that your ex isn’t thinking of you or that you aren’t empathic. Empathy does happen with dreams. But the truth is, you won’t know unless a situation arises where you can talk to your ex or risk reaching out to connect with him to see his reaction. In such cases, it might be better to approach dreams from what you can learn from them. If you go strait to thinking they are proof of an empathic connection before seeing what they indicate about your own psyche, you could be engaging in a form of spiritual bypassing and missing a higher lesson you could learn.
The way you breathe affects your emotions and vitality since it sends signals to your autonomic nervous systemโa component of the peripheral nervous system that regulates automatic body functions such as blood flow and your heartbeat. Breathing exercises can balance and relax you, leaving you calm and centered. They can also provide an energy boost when you are weary and enliven your mind.
Breathwork for General Relaxation
Carry out this simple mindful breathing technique twice a day to increase calm and tranquility in everyday life. Regular practice will also enhance your ability to focus on tasks, whether they relate to work, hobbies, or meditation.
Begin by finding a comfortable position; seated or lying down. Now inhale to the count of four and out to the same count. As you breathe in, notice cool air entering your nostrils, and when you exhale feel warm air exiting. Practice for 10 or 20 minutes to benefit.
As you inhale and exhale, pay attention only to your breath and the act of breathing. Should unrelated thoughts arise, return to your practice. Carry out the exercise as part of a routine, and you will re-educate your autonomic nervous system to enter a state of calm concentration with ease.
4-7-8 Breathwork for Deep Relaxation
Practice the following breathing exercise twice a day to train your system to relax fast. If you have insomnia and need to sleep or are anxious, you can use this breathwork to achieve deep relaxation quickly.
Exhale through your mouth audibly, so you hear the air streaming outward, and then close your mouth. Inhale through your nose to the count of four before holding your breath as you mentally count to seven. Now audibly exhale via your mouth to the count of eight and repeat the breathing cycle.
Regular practice is essential for this 4-7-8 breathwork because the effects grow with experience. Initially, the impact of breathing to the ratio of 4-7-8 will be subtle and pleasant. Carry out the exercise two times a day, and you will find your breaths become deeper and provide more intense relaxation.
Breathwork for Energy
For greater vitality and alertness practice breathing in and out quickly and evenly through your noseโthe count of three seconds inhalation and three for exhalation is a suggested measure. Practice for about 15 seconds total and increase breaths a little daily until a minute of fast breathwork is accomplished with ease. Use the exercise when you experience brain fog or encounter an afternoon slump.
Meditative Breathwork
Breath counting is a Zen practice used as a form of meditation. Begin as you exhale by silently counting โoneโ as air escapes from your nostrils. Inhale naturally and comfortably and then exhale as you think of the number two while breathing at your own pace. The idea is to count upward progressively each time you exhale until you reach five when you return to the beginning and start at one again. Continue for about 10 minutes.
Breathwork is a simple way of teaching your system to become relaxed or energized. Once you are proficient at using the exercises mentioned, you will have valuable tools at your disposal to improve your well-being.
References: Verywell.com, drweil.com, and Energeticsynthesis.com.
Four Fast Ways to Improve Your Life (Which You Keep Forgetting)
Your brain holds a vast array of self-help techniques youโve picked up over the years. Many of them affected you positively when you first encountered them. Sometimes, you even thought, โfrom now on Iโm going to use this method and my life will be better for doing so.โ In reality, though, you forgot to do all kinds of things that would have made life easier and happier. Here are four vital tips you need to remember from now on if you are to reap the rewards they offer.
1. Stop comparing yourself to people
You know comparing yourself to others is pointless. Thereโs no one like you and everyone has a different background and experiences, so you canโt accurately liken yourself to them. Nonetheless, you compare your appearance, skills, and your popularity. Itโs time you let the idea you are unique sink into your head and stop making comparisons. Follow your own talents and make the most of who you are and youโll be happy.
2. Donโt worry about what people think of you
Only you can judge your lifestyle and actions in a meaningful way when you measure them against your particular values. Other people have different standards, and you need only live up to your own. Still, how often do you get upset when you think someone doesnโt approve of you?
Let go of the need for others validation. Whether they think youโre amazing or terrible, their opinions only show the reality they have created. The only reality that counts lives in your head. Stay true to your principles and strive to be your best self and you canโt go wrong.
3. Recognize your inner worrywartโs a phony
You understand the critical voice within doesnโt tell the truth. It emphasizes challenges and turns them into insurmountable problems. Likewise, it makes little mistakes into unforgivable blunders. On many occasions, however, you allow your inner worrywart to run riot and offer bad advice.
From this moment on, vow to correct the voice within that tells you everythingโs dreadful. Soothe it like you would a worried child, or banish it like you might someone who tries to steal the food from your plate.
4. Look after yourself
You realize gorging on junk foods, not getting enough sleep, and drinking too much alcohol eats your vitality and ruins your well-being. At the same time, youโve probably told your best friend to get more rest, stop putting up with people who put her down, and use her talents.
Do you follow your own advice though? Perhaps not. Look after yourself by taking care of your body and respect yourself like you do the people you love and your life will improve.
If you used all the self-help knowledge youโve come across your well-being would soar. For now, though, concentrate on one of the four tips mentioned and watch your happiness expand. When youโve got the hang of your chosen improvement method, pick another. Eventually, youโll remember further ways to enjoy a happy life and practice them too.
Mindfulness in Meditation: Learning Not to Scratch the Itch
If you practice mindfulness, you might understand what is meant by not scratching an itch. When witnessing your thoughts and feelings, you detach from them. To reach this state, you need to overcome the urge to engage with sensations or your internal voice.
Your senses are heightened for a while as you begin meditating and attempting mindfulness. The quietness and lack of the need to do anything as you sit mean you turn your attention inwards. You notice aches and pains and other feelings. If you attend to these sensations, though, you become attached to them. As such, you are no longer mindfully observing.
Witness the itch
Many beginners to mindfulness imagine they need to ignore thoughts and feelings. Doing so increases their awareness of the areas they want to perceive lightly. The first step to detaching is to allow yourself to notice whatโs occurring. Have no resistance to the happenings of your mind and body, but know they are not you.
Understanding you are separate aids the realization thereโs no need to attend to what you notice. After all, if you observed a cloud moving across the sky, you wouldnโt feel the need to push it along. You understand clouds pass without help. Like clouds, your thoughts and physical sensations will leave without you doing anything.
Doing nothing
Doing nothing can seem harder than taking action. You know how to get up and move, but remaining still might be an alien concept. Until you are an experienced meditator, learning to do so is like lying awake at night. Unless you fall asleep quickly, your attention moves inwards. You become aware of concerns in your mind and body. If you attend to them by focusing on them, you canโt sleep. Likewise, you canโt practice mindful meditation if you concentrate on what you donโt want in your awareness.
Fill your mind
To be mindful, you need to fill your mind. It might be full of observing thoughts as they come and go, or, you can focus on a subject. Many mindfulness meditations begin with the observance of breath. You can notice other sensations, but keep returning your attention to the process of inhaling and exhaling.
As you concentrate on your breath, the urge to scratch an itch or pay attention to a thought will lift. At the same time, practicing will train your mind to choose where to focus. Youโll no longer be at the mercy of inner chatter or outside circumstances since you will be in control.
Learning to be mindful can be difficult. Once you experience consciousness as an observer, though, your perception will alter. Youโll be able to detach from any situation you want to witness with clarity.
If Your Relationship Moves Too Fast It Might Not Last
Are you feeling disillusioned in love because you find yourself attracted to ardent admirers who sweep you off your feet, move a relationship forward really fast, but before you know it its over or they are giving you the brush off? Recently I had someone ask me for advice what to do in this kind of situation. Here is the best advice I could think of:
1- Go slow and take the time to get to know someone on a deeper level
Sometimes a love interest may genuinely feel you are the โoneโ within the first few weeks of dating. However, sometimes this โin the momentโ feeling does not last. Other times, I hate to say it, an ardent admirer may even be deceiving you. โWhy?โ People will ask me. โWhy pursue me so ardently if they arenโt really into me?โ I know itโs a hard concept to grasp, but it does happen. People do use others to get a romantic high, attention, admiration, sex, conquest, or other things. Complicating matters, oxytocin (a hormone that creates the desire to trust and bond) when released after sex can affect women and men differently. For men, the effects may only be felt temporarily. For women, however, they may experience the prolonged feeling that they have found the perfect mate.[1]
Your best protection if you find yourself being pursued by an ardent admirer is to take things slowly. If someone really cares for you they will see you as worth the wait. There is truth to the adage that if you move too fast your relationship might not last, and not taking the time to get to know someone before diving in too deep is the main reason this phenomenon happens.
2 โ Court the other person for a while
For those who move too fast in relationships, on the road to finding love, there may be many green and red lights, but few yellow ones. Yellow lights, however, are what caution us to take the time to get to know someone better before hitting the accelerator. Thus, people who move too fast can get into all sorts of relationship โaccidentsโ that can leave them feeling confused and bewildered. Unable to see the signs, and with so many people out on the road driving out of control, we start to feel we need to have an insurance policy on every new boyfriend or girlfriend we find ourselves drawn to.
Allowing yourself to court a potential lover can help you to slow things down a little. During this courtship phase, you can enjoy going out to public places together, holding hands, feeling butterflies (if there is an attraction), getting to know one another, and being returned home safely.
Avoid the pleas of players and commitment-phobes who their idea of the perfect date is to text you out of the blue to ask if they can stop by your house late at night. Their goal is not emotional intimacy. If they arenโt willing to court you properly, then they donโt really want to get to know you at a deeper level.
3 โ Look for the right qualities in a person rather than someone who gives you โintense feelingsโ
People who attract relationships that start intense and end fast usually want to feel swept up in a whirlwind romance. While an ardent admirer can offer them a pseudo feeling of being loved, it also makes them pray to people who may wish to use them for a sexual or romantic high. The high may be felt on both sides, but that doesnโt signify it means the same thing to both parties or will be lasting.
The best way to overcome falling for the wrong type is to see clearly the type you are falling for without confusing intense feelings with love or meeting โthe one.โ Be aware that stable and lasting relationships generally move at a slower pace and are built on a foundation of trust, friendship, openness, and working through challenges together. This is not to say there is never passion or butterflies in healthy relationships, but such passion is less likely to be driven by fantasy or not truly knowing a love interestโs intentions.
4 โ Know the signs your love interest is a player or commitment-phobe
Spiritually, we live in a time where we want to reject anything โnegativeโ and are afraid of negative emotions. Culturally, we live in a time where sex seems everywhere and TV shows like โthe Bachelorโ shape our ideas. Personally, the traumas of divorce or infidelity can leave a deep imprint. All of this can contribute to commitment issues, fear of confrontation (causing people to pull disappearing acts), or patterns of sexual self-indulgence where people can be careless with othersโ emotions. As a result, people seem to suffer from commitment issues and failed relationships more than ever before. If anyone you are dating exhibits even a few of the below tendencies, you might want to tap the breaks a bit to slow things down:
Wonโt take you out places but texts you to see if youโll let them come over
Takes an intense interest in you but this interest suddenly wanes
Treats you casually or tells you s/he is only ready/looking for something casual
Disappears for periods of time for no reason or doesnโt return phone calls until days later
Disappears at any sign of conflict, later reappearing acting like nothing happened
Comes on very fast, charming, cocky, or is calling you โbabeโ or pet names too early
Talks about having babies, marrying you, soul mates, or destiny, again too early
Uses unusual or hyper-sexual language or wants naked photos
Has a lot of opposite-sex friends on facebook (or other social media) where s/he is not very active other than possibly posting a few selfies
Is jealous/possessive too soon
Itโs a huge flirt or ogles other women/men when you are out on a date
Doesnโt hold your hand in public or walks a few paces ahead or behind
Has been on a dating site for a long time or doesnโt leave despite saying youโre the one
Doesnโt have a good track record for lasting relationships
Can you change this pattern?
Yes! Iโve seen it happen. Just be willing to go slow, let go of desperation (to be loved), and recognize the type of relationship you tend to be attracted to. Also, recognize any patterns from your past that are involved (absent fathers, abusive ex-husbands, parents who never told you how special you are, etc.).
Sometimes women who it took courage to leave an abusive or controlling relationship go through a phase afterwards of dating commitment-phobes. I think this stems from their desire to be loved but a fear of getting too close in case they get abused. The loving words of an ardent admirer who puts them on a pedestal can be very seductive. Whatever the cause, commit to loving yourself enough to know when to leave something that isnโt good for you. Sometimes the support of a caring counselor can help as well.
In todayโs world of rush and business, we can easily become fixated on our work, priorities, and fascination with technology to the point that our relationship with nature and what is living, natural, and pure is eclipsed. We tend to think of the Law of Attraction as a law that states that we will tend to manifest from where we most place our focus. If this is true, is it possible that the external world is starting to communicate to us, and very loudly, that we need to change our focus for the sake of maintaining balance on a personal, collective, and environmental level? If so, what are some ways we can begin to turn our focus around?
Life Energy Tip #1 โ Increase your intake of live and organic foods
When we are in a rush or low in energy, it can be easy to grab something to eat that is quick, pre-packaged, or artificial. However, there are lots of quick and easy convenient foods that are natural and full of living energy. For example, fresh organic fruits can be grabbed when in a hurry, vegetables can be prepared ahead of time, or nuts and seeds can be sprouted. When you eat a more natural diet, you not only support your body to be full of vitality, but you are decreasing the demand for mass produced, processed, and packaged foods. In fact, if more of us can learn to see the value in buying less from polluting, greed-based corporations (in favor of local organic farmers), the more we send a message that creates a new kind of demand: i.e. that farmers will be rewarded for food production techniques that are organic, non-polluting and free of pesticides, GMOs, excess packaging, chemicals, dyes, and other vitality-depleting impurities.
Life Energy Tip #2 โ Spend more time in nature or with pets
It is so easy to spend our days working indoors and then go home and plop ourselves on our couch to relax through engaging in various forms of inanimate technology. Not that technology is bad or wrong, but our use of it can be balanced with our reminding ourselves to appreciate our connection to nature and animals. Things that you can do to restore the balance and renew appreciation for life energy are to exercise outdoors when or where you can, take a walk every day, play with a pet, make sure to notice the beauty of nature every now and then, or organize a weekend hike or trip to the beach or other natural, revitalizing activity.
Life Energy Tip #3 โ Grow something
A great way to refocus on life energy is to tend to plants or living things and watch them grow. Even those who have a black thumb can start small by bringing a few houseplants into the home. Those who feel more adventurous can store seeds, start a garden or greenhouse, or learn to grow simple food crops indoors.
Life Energy Tip #4 โ Understand that there is a Law of Balance
Sometimes less is truly more. Finding the beautiful and miraculous within the mundane and simple can be a wonderful way to revitalize and refocus on what truly matters. It also helps us to redefine our concepts of abundance and prosperity through making sure that it focuses on what has life energy. The downside to our viewing abundance/treasure as primarily money and non-living things is that we must fail to protect life if we wish to amass it. Life, environmentally and collectively, may then mirror that it has lost its value for many of us and thus begin to disappear.
We can turn this trend around through changing how we behave as consumers through being more responsible as to who we buy from and what we buy. This helps us to focus on enhancing rather than depleting vital life energy for ourselves and the environment. We can also rethink the Law of Abundance through understanding that there is also a Law of Balance. The Law of Balance exhibits that wherever we use our energy or resources to produce excess, there will naturally follow some level of depletion through burnout of our own bodies or natureโs resources. So, being able to keep our lives in balance can end up being the most truly abundant way to live!
Life Energy Tip #5 โ Make changes in your use of energy or fuel
While going fully off the energy grid to use more natural and life-sustaining forms of power may not be practical or possible for everyone, there are little things we can do to become more natural and focused on what preserves life. Walking or biking can offer a natural form of transportation. Using less gas, busing, or committing ourselves to using more eco-friendly vehicles also gives companies incentive to think in more sustainable and environmentally friendly ways in order to make a profit. Reducing exposure to EMF (electromagnetic frequency) emitting devices during the day can also help those individuals who can feel sensitive or easily depleted by such exposures.
Life Energy Tip #6 โ Protect water and trees
Water and trees are precious resources can be negatively affected or polluted by human efforts and activities. The first step in protecting them is to begin to see them as precious. The second step is to find ways to protect water and trees through our homes and how we use these resources. For example, we can learn to use less water, buy less packaged goods, use less plastics, buy recycled where we can, or be careful of what chemicals and toilet papers we flush down our drains, toilets, etc. We can also aim to buy from suppliers of goods and services that are more ecologically responsible concerning these resources.
Life Energy Tip #7 โ Honor your natural emotions and cycles
Many of us are conditioned by our spiritual beliefs or how we are raised to suppress our natural emotions. Many of us can end up living in our heads, over-think things rather than living from our hearts. If you have dreams at night where you are running away from something in fear or you are battling negative forces, then you could being in a war with yourself or your emotions; possibly trying to suppress too much. This kind of fight or flight can drain vital life force energy.
A better approach to suppression is to employ mindfulness. Mindfulness honors what we are feeling in the present moment rather than trying to run away from or suppress it. It is always best to honor all our natural emotions and cycles such as sleep, eating, and resting. In this way, we are not burning out during the day and trying to grin-and-bear with what was never meant to be natural.
Another thing you can do is to watch for tendencies toward self-medicating as a way to cope. Many of the ways we may try to self-medicate ourselves concerning the stress we feel and are taught to deny can get us trapped in a vicious cycle of running away. It also leaves us increasingly relying on what is unnatural in order to cope or having a need to self-medicate to take the edge off through overeating, addictions, recreational drugs, alcohol, anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medication.
When we make these small changes in our lives, we may find that we are more balanced and helping the world to be more balanced at the same time.
Are You the Transitional Lover? Signs Youโre a Bridge, Not the Destination
Not every romance arrives to stay. Some arrive as bridges, acting as thresholds between old wounds and new beginnings. Some of us unknowingly become the hands that guide another soul across these thresholds.
If you are trying to turn a fleeting connection into forever (hoping that intensity means destiny, or believing labels like soulmate or twin flame guarantee permanence), pause for a moment. The Universe may be whispering a truth that your heart already senses: You might be loving someone who is only passing through and not hear to stay.
In these types of situations, it isn’t uncommon for those involved to feel blindsided when the person theyโve been waiting for suddenly commits to someone else, moves in with an ex, or disappears into a new relationship. This heartbreak is the very nature of being the โtransitionalโ lover: you help them heal and offer comfort, but they donโt stay.
What Is a Transitional Love Affair?
A transitional relationship often shows up when someone is:
fresh out of a breakup or divorce
โnot readyโ for a relationship
emotionally unavailable but enjoys your company
stuck between their past and their next chapter
turning a platonic friendship into something sexual
afraid to lose a friendship, making them unsure about pursuing a romance
They might ask you to waitโฆ to give them timeโฆ or to understand that theyโre โworking through things.โ Communication may be warm one week, withdrawn the next. All of these mixed signals could leave you confused and hoping that patience will tip things toward true love.
These relationships are tricky because youโre pouring emotional energy into someone who is not fully present. They may truly appreciate your comfort, but theyโre also trying to heal, figure themselves out, or transition out of an old relationship. And while youโre falling deeper, theyโre still trying to decide what they feel.
What Types of Personalities are Most Likely to Be Bridges Rather than Destinations?
After years of talking with women (and men) about their relationships, patterns become clear. People who fall into the transitional role often:
are natural caretakers
feel responsible for someone elseโs healing
deeply enjoy nurturing, comforting, or supporting someone in pain
want to protect the person they care about
believe patience will eventually โwinโ them love
Thereโs nothing wrong with being loving, patient, or generous, but once someone sees you as their transitional support system, that role often sticks. They come to you for comfort, advice, sex, or companionshipโฆ while keeping their heart elsewhere.
And sadly, the transitional partner is usually replaced once the person feels ready for a fresh start with someone new.
โBut My Feelings Are So Intenseโฆโ
Many people in transitional relationships say things like:
โIโve never felt this way before.โ
โHe once told me he loved me.โ
โI read that twin flames run. That must be why he pulls away.โ
The truth is: intense feelings donโt always mean soul connection. Sometimes they mean issues with love addictions (getting a high of a connection or the angst a relationship triggers), unresolved attachment wounds, lack of clarity, or fear of losing someone.
When you donโt have closure, or you donโt know where you stand, your mind fills the gaps with longing, intensity, obsession, and hope. This can create a powerful illusion of destiny. It can also result in projection: projecting your feelings, patterns, and longings onto a love interest.
Transitional lovers often confide in you, share their pain, and lean on you emotionally. While it may create an intense feeling of bonding for the caregiver, it is not always creating the same type of bonding experience in the person being cared for. For this person it can feel more that someone “gets them” in a friendship type of way or in a way that creates feelings of comfort. You may feel like you can read their mind or feel their feelings, but this is usually because youโve bonded through vulnerability, which each of you may be experiencing that bonding in a different way.
And if they constantly talk about an ex, a messy breakup, their unreadiness for a relationship, their not wanting to lose a friendship, or their confusion? Thatโs a clear sign they aren’t thinking of you as a destination, but as a bridge.
Why the Intensity Feels Spiritual or Fated
Intense chemistry often shows up when:
We are feeling an addictive high, limerence, or angst
we fear rejection
we donโt know where we stand
the other person is unpredictable
thereโs a mix of closeness and distance
your love feels slightly out of reach
All of the above are ideal scenarios that make us obsess over a love interest who seems unready for a relationship or in need of healing. Commitment-phobes, players, โrunners,โ or chronically unavailable partners can trigger powerful adrenaline-based chemistry, the kind that feels electric, addictive, and fated. Sometimes the heart races simply because weโre trying to win someone who seems just beyond reach.
Intense Feelings Do Not Always Equate With a Desire for Commitment
In most cases, one persons intense feelings in a transitional love situation might not be reciprocated by the other party. However, sometimes there is reciprocation which makes the situation more confusing. Even if you are accurately interpreting that your love interest feels the same intense high, it might not mean they think you are the “one.”
This can be hard for those to understand who are the types to equate sexual longing with a desire for a relationship, not understanding that others might see both as connected or reliable. This could be the case if your transitional and intense love interest surprises you, suddenly moving onto a new relationship that is less intense and offers something different. That person might have been enjoying intensity with you while seeking something more stable or even boring for a commitment or marriage partner.
In other cases, your relationship might be experienced as more “caring” than “intense” by your love interest. Which your love interest could like being cared for (or that you are “nice”) but subconsciously be drawn to see someone as the “one” if they are more complicated and less caretaking that you are. Such individuals could be less driven by comfort and more obsessive over someone who triggers angst, rejection, etc.
The Truth Behind Transitional Attraction
Itโs not that youโre not good enough, and itโs not that they didnโt care. Many transitional lovers genuinely like, or even love, the person who supports them.
But something holds them back:
Theyโre not emotionally ready.
Theyโre still grieving or healing.
They like you, but not in the way you hope.
They want comfort without commitment.
Theyโre drawn to relationships that feel โchallenging” or the opposite (more stable).
They interpret the frustration or break ups they trigger (from their unreadiness) as signs that a relationship won’t work or would be unstable, nagging, etc.
And all of this drives angst and obsession in the person who is waiting because such individuals are often unconsciously attracted to people who spark anxiety, longing, or the thrill of uncertainty.
How to Protect Your Heart
If you suspect youโre the transitional lover:
Keep your options open.
Donโt freeze your life waiting for someone who isnโt choosing you.
Enjoy the connection but donโt invest all your emotional energy in it.
As one of my clients put it, when asking her own transitional love interest why he was being romantic with her even though he wasn’t ready for a relationship, he replied, “No one wants to sleep alone.” If you find yourself in this type of relationship and you can’t leave, all you can do is shift your perspective, let go of expectation, and share the moment in the moment, and cherish the time you have together. Try not to get down on yourself, understanding that loneliness can make people unintentionally use others for comfort โ including you.
Most Important: Transition Yourself
You are not stuck in the role of transitional lover. You can choose to step out of that dynamic, reclaim your heart, and open your life to someone truly ready. Believe that you are worthy of a love that chooses you… fully, consistently, and wholeheartedly. Move forward knowing that who youโre really transitioning into is the love that deserves love, the type of love where you not only give it but can receive it as well. It all starts with how you love yourself.
Are You in a Relationship with Unpredictable Rewards?
(How Intermittent Reinforcement Creates Obsession, Confusion, and Emotional Addiction)
Some relationships can be uplifting, grounding, and nourishing , while others can become confusing cycles of hope, disappointment, and longing. One of the most common (and painful) relationship patterns is what psychologists call intermittent reinforcement. It’s the same mechanism used in early behavioral studies involving animals, which also applies frighteningly well to human attachment.
Letโs explore this pattern, why itโs so psychologically powerful, and how it affects your heart, intuition, and sense of safety in love.
The Experiment: Three Groups, Three Outcomes
Years ago, a client explained to me a behavior experiment involving pigeons (though it was originally done with rats). In the experiment, each group had to peck a metal plate for food, but the results differed:
Group 1: Reward Consistent
This group received food reliably every time they pecked. Once they trusted the pattern, they pecked only when hungry. They felt secure, calm, and without obsession because they understood their needs would be consistently provided for.
Group 2: Reward Removed
This group of pigeons originally received food every time they pecked the plate. They learned food would come reliably, every time they pecked. Then, abruptly, the food stopped coming and wasn’t reintroduced. The pigeons kept pecking the metal plate for a while to see if food would be providedโฆ then eventually gave up, realizing further pecking would be futile.
Group 3: Reward Unpredictable
For this group, food appeared sometimesโฆ and sometimes not. The result? The birds pecked the metal plate compulsively, desperately, and far more often than any other group.
Why? Because unpredictability creates obsession. The birds never knew when food would be withdrawn or if pecking would be futile or not. So, they kept pecking, unsure of the results.
How This Plays Out in Relationships
Human hearts respond the same way.
Group 1: Secure, Reliable Love
This is when love is consistent, mutual, safe, and steady. As a result, you donโt obsess. You donโt chase. You can relax into the relationship because emotional nourishment is predictable.
Group 2: Unrequited or Absent Love
When someone shows no affection at all, or there is a breakup with no renewal, most people eventually give up and seek love elsewhere. There is clarity, even if it hurts.
Group 3: Unpredictable Love
This is where the trouble begins.
Some partners offer affection one day and vanish the next. They text passionately one week, then ghost you the next. They flirt, love bomb, pull close, withdraw, return, disappear, apologize, deny, breadcrumb, or send mixed signals. This inconsistency creates emotional addiction. You never know if you did something so you begin to question your reality. Do you need to reach out more? Is there something you should be doing? Are they just playing a game?
Responding to chaos with imbalance doesnโt mean youโre weak. It simply means your nervous system is responding exactly how it was designed to respond to inconsistent rewards and uncertainty.
When Deception Adds Fuel to the Fire
The pattern becomes more painful when dishonesty enters the dynamic:
partners who deny cheating or other bad intentions despite clear signs
โCasanovaโ types who use romantic words to manipulate
gaslighters who call you โcrazyโ for noticing red flags
love interests who tell you what you want to hear, not what is true
This creates false security, erodes intuition, and makes you doubt your own perceptions. Your nervous system begins scanning constantly for reassurance…. or the next โpositive peck.โ
When Outside Influences Reinforce the Obsession
The danger grows when friends, psychics, or online sources unintentionally encourage you to keep pecking, even telling you things such as:
โHeโs thinking about you but afraid to reach out.โ
โShe misses you deeply but is afraid.โ
โYour intuitive thoughts are really their emotions.โ
โThis is your twin flame, so donโt give up!โ
These messages can keep you emotionally stuck, especially when they contradict the reality of someone’s behavior.
When signs, coincidences, angel numbers, dreams, or psychic interpretations replace genuine communication or ask you not to trust your lying eyes (or ears), you can begin living the relationship in your mind rather than in real life. You keep pecking, either within yourself (in expectation or unsure if its right to give up), or with your love interest through reaching out, hoping for contact or the day your emotional needs will feel met on a more consistent basis.
Twin Flames & the Illusion of Missed Opportunity
Labels like twin flame or meant to be can turn an unpredictable relationship into a psychological trap or token of disempowerment. Instead of honoring your emotional needs, you may spend days looking for signs, dreaming up explanations, or waiting for fate to step in. You feel you can’t let go of someone because to do so means you are giving up something irreplaceable–that you only have one of.
This mirrors Group 3: waiting, watching, hoping if you wait a reward will come. Each “sign” you think you receive could act as food coming out after pecking a metal plate. Or your love interest could be in and out of your life or leaving you feeling your needs aren’t met predictably (with the hope if you hang in, this pattern could change).
How to Help Yourself Break the Pattern
If you feel like youโre compulsively โpecking at the plate,โ hoping for affection, clarity, or closure, it may be time to:
Have an honest conversation with your love interest about the dynamic
Observe actions, not excuses
Seek secure, consistent love from healthier sources
Rebuild trust in grounded intuition
Recognize your worthiness of predictable, wholehearted love
Let go of spiritual labels
If your partner refuses to acknowledge the inconsistency, or if communication is impossible, gently redirect your energy toward places where love (food) flows freely and consistently, without your having to peck at yourself or the relationship obsessively.
You deserve more than unpredictable rewards. You deserve love that arrives on time, stays steady, and nourishes your spirit instead of draining it.
For deeper healing, it might help to look into counseling, coaching, Emotional Freedom Technique, or resources like Susan Peabodyโs Addiction to Love can offer clarity and support.
I was asked to do another meditation on the White Buffalo Calf Woman for Bellesprit Magazine. Here is what came through.
In my mindโs eye, as if in a dream, the White Buffalo Calf Woman approaches me. With her long dark hair waving in a gentle breeze, she smiles at me… and it is full of warmth and caring. However, there is also something powerful and commanding about her presence.ย It is a little intimidating.ย It is like she can read into the deepest reaches of my mind and soul.ย She knows everything that is hidden within me.ย Yet, she still smiles and holds out a hand of hers for me to hold.
As I take her hand, we are transported to a quiet place. Everything seems so peaceful here. It is a place that is free of the many sounds of civilization: the noise of traffic, technology and other noisy things. In place of these sounds I can hear more vibrantly the sounds of nature and her birds, insects and also the squirrels which squawk and chase after one another in the trees.
Making our way closer to the trees, I look up in amazement. They are very tall and I notice the type of energy they seem to impart is very much like the energy of the White Buffalo Calf Woman herself. It is full of gentleness and charm, but also full of power and strength. The Lady Calf Woman, seeming to read my thoughts, looks at me with a smile and speaks; โYou are wondering how something that is so full of power and strength can be full of gentleness and beauty at the same time.โ
โYes, that is exactly what I was wondering,โ I answered.
โThe world, at present, tends to confuse these qualities,โ she said. โPower and strength when used toward current western world goals and agendas can seem a little harsh, competitive or cutthroat. Strength can then become associated with something controlling or corruptive. What is gentle, on the other hand, can become associated with weakness. This is because to be gentle comes to be seen as being acquiescent; never having an opinion or a voice with which to speak.โ
Pointing up into the leafy green leaves of the tree in front of us, she continues; โBut, from these trees, we can learn that beauty and gentleness can be commanding when it has a voice, and when it can stand in the light of its truth; in a spirit of surrendering to that truth without acquiescing.โ
โThat is such a lovely way to see the trees; that they have their own voice,โ I replied.
โEverything within Nature has a voice,โ she stated. โEverything within Creation speaks of its own mystery and calling. It is simply a new language to learn for those who would wish to learn it.โ
As we gazed upon the trees that towered above us, my mind began to wonder what secrets they could impart to me. The White Buffalo Calf Woman, having read my mind, turned in my direction and asked; โWhy not ask them?โ
โI am not sure that I would be able to hear them correctly,โ I answered her.
โNonsense,โ she admonished me. โOpen your heart. Imagine connecting your own energy to their energy. Then, allow yourself to feel their energy speak to your energy field. Listen to what that energy has to say. The language will not always be transmitted through spoken words, but you still possess the ability to translate into words what is being communicated.โ
โYou want me to do this right now?โ I asked her.
She seemed surprised I would even ask this question; โWhy not now?โ she questioned me. Then, she turned to face the trees again and with a huge smile upon her face said to me; โTell me, dear child, what do you โthinkโ you hear them say?โ
โUmmm,โ I said, feeling a little unprepared.
โThere is no right or wrong way to do this,โ she reminded me. โYou are simply allowing within your own energy field an open door for the energy of the trees to enter.โ
I closed my eyes and focused upon connecting my heart to the energy of one of the trees in front of me. After a few moments, the Lady Calf Woman asked me to put what I was sensing from the trees into words.
โHere is what I think I hear them say,โ I answered. โโIn the circle of life, there is no real time, only a circling of life. Everything operates in this material dimension through various laws and balances.โ
โAnything else?โ asked the White Buffalo Calf Woman.
โYes,โ I answered her. โI hear the tree say; โThe Holy Spark of life within me is one with the Holy Spark of life within you. As the Holy Spark within me greets the Holy Spark within you, I greet a part of myself. As I bless you, I bless myself. As I love you, I love myself. Our life energy springs from the same seedโa thought within the mindโs eye of a greater universe of thought.โโ
The White Buffalo Calf Woman seemed pleased and stated; โThe trees thank you for your loving receptivity.โ She added; โYou can also use this approach to speak with almost anything living within this world. You can speak to your body, its cells, crystals, animals and more.โ
Then, the White Buffalo Calf Woman took my hand within hers and again the scenery changed. I suddenly found myself standing with her in the living area of my home.
โTell me something about this,โ she directed me while pointing to my radio.
โIt is a radio,โ I replied.
โYes,โ she affirmed. โBut, I want you to go beyond the label of what it is. If there were no labels, what would you say to me about this object and its purpose?โ
โHmmm,โ I said, needing to think about how I was going to put it into words. I finally responded; โI guess that it is an object that was designed to project sound and music.โ
โHow does it do that?โ she asked.
โFrom what I gather, sound waves and frequencies are picked up by a tower that transmits these sounds to radio devices. Radios have antennas that allow them to pick these radio waves up. They also have tuners that help to separate the different radio signals from one another so that one main broadcast can be selected The devices then communicate those sound waves into something audible. People listening can hear people speaking from far away, or can listen to various songs and music.โ
โConsciousness communicates with the material dimension in much the same way,โ she stated. โThe universe is comprised of waves of consciousness. It is like a dialogue of energy and creative intentions. In a way, the larger consciousness of the universe is in constant communication with itself.โ
She continued; โBecause there are created within this universe of consciousness various levels and dimensionsโincluding a material oneโan experience can be created where a part of the consciousness can seem to split off from itself and forget how to tune into the main Master frequency. This is similar to how you need to use a tuning dial to hear particular stations on your radio; otherwise you cannot hear a particular broadcast.โ
โI never thought of it like that before,โ I stated.
โIt is like if you imagined a huge diamond,โ she continued. โImagine that someone shattered that diamond into many pieces.โ
โOkay,โ I said.
She then continued; โEach piece is still a diamond. Each piece is still a part of the original stone. Each piece of diamond still vibrates the original radio frequency of a diamond on some level. You simply have to relearn how to tune into that original frequency, to let it communicate with you; to remind you that you are a diamond and that the diamond is your true source.โ
The Lady Calf woman took me by the hand and began to walk with me. Then, she turned to face me and said; โThe first step is to learn the tools and the language you will need to be able to tune into other pieces of the diamond so that you can begin to recognize yourself as true brothers and sistersโa part of one another; since each of you are a shard from an original diamond source.โ
โSo, this is something humans can learn to do with one another,โ I stated.
โNot just other humans,โ was her response. โPart of the problem occurs when humans only recognize themselves within others that share the same material form and spoken language. The trick is to connect with the Holy Spark. Whatever contains the Holy Spark can communicate the Master radio frequency. So, when you can connect with the Holy Spark within everything that was created from it and which contains it, you meet your Creator in a larger way.โ
โDoes this include inanimate things?โ I asked.
โInanimate things are part of the material dimension,โ she answered. โThough they have symbolic content and communicate the thoughts and intentions of those who created or became dependent on them, they are not life forms containing living energy or consciousness. For, you are not like the inanimate forms you create. You cannot perish or be disposed of. Your life is eternal in the same way all things that contain life are eternal and contain the Holy Spark of their Master Creator.โ
The Lady Calf Woman continued; โLearn to recognize yourself within everything that is living in order to better understand your true Self. Learn to recognize how valuable and precious you are through learning to value and to see as beautiful all that is living that is a part of the consciousness experience. All that lives throughout this Earth radiates what is part of your original essence.โ
The White Buffalo Calf Woman continued; โThe fact that your environment is suffering because you have caused damage to it is a mirror that true recognition has been lost. It is being regained in ways, but there needs to be more of a movement from the knowing of spiritual understanding within the mind toward truly accessing it within the heart. When you truly recognizeโthrough your heartโthe eternal all around youโas being a part of your Creatorโyou will cease to have such a destructive effect. Right now, many of you are more preoccupied with what has no life in it than what has life. You let your concerns over money and possessions dominate your mind, prayers and hopes.โ
โI know,โ I said. โIt is like people were finally opening up to understanding spirituality in a bigger sense; returning to some of the wisdom of the masters. However, something side tracked us and diverted our attention again toward focusing on money and material abundance.โ
โThat is only one way to see abundance,โ she stated. โFor, if you look at Nature, is She not the very definition of abundance?โ
โYes, indeed,โ I replied.
โWhen you forget to honor the sacred spirit within Her, She comes to be seen as perishable and to be used as a means to an end rather than cherished in the light of what She is part of; or for all the love She provides,โ explained the Lady Calf Woman. โHowever, many of you are now beginning to awaken and realize how She is an important teacher for this age. Which, it will be through learning to love and protect the light within Herโrecognizing it in its full and miraculous beautyโthat you will better learn how to love yourself, your fellows, elders, and children.โ
She continued; โYour world can speak to you through both what is eternal within one dimension and through what is symbolic and material within another dimension. If you allow, you will hear your world communicate to you on various levels that Nature is the missing step in your spirituality, among other things. If you allow it, the communication from Nature can help you redefine the various concepts you most support and live by. However, because youโve lost this communication ability, the dimension of the material has been out of balance.โ
โThough it is the dimension we understand the most. And, yet, still it is out of balance,โ I added.
The White Buffalo Calf Woman smiled and took my hand and we were transported out into nature. As we walked she stated; โWhatever is collectively out of balance externally is simply a communication regarding what is collectively out of balance or alignment internally; such as with your collective belief systems and Self- knowledge. What created the internal imbalance also creates the external communication of the same frequency of imbalance. In doing this, it teaches the way back home to what is sacred.โ
She had me look upon everything around me out in nature. So much life was all around us. The sound of nature seemed to create its own music.
With this, the Lady Calf Woman herself began to sing a song in a language I was unfamiliar with. As she sang, she appeared to be directing her song to everything within our midst. She sang looking up to the sky, looking down to the ground, and to all the living plants and creatures that surrounded us. Then, she took me by the hand once more and the next thing I knew, I was home within my own back yard. I heard one last whisper before she disappeared; โAwaken, dear one. The whole of Heaven waits in joyful anticipation to show you its Magnificence and Truth.โ
In the first vision, I was shown the souls of a multitude of natives, rising from the earth, ready for action, and to take back the Americas. They were climbing over obstacles and hills, charging forward. They had war paint on their face and wore their hair in a strange fashion. There were red, white, and blue feathers tied in their hair.ย
Then, the vision shifted and there was a woman and she was in the library of congress. She was suited in armor and the helmet was designed like a birdโs head with a beak on it. She was standing at a podium, holding the constitution in her hands. She vomited upon it, but then ate the vomit. After eating back the vomit, fire began raining down around her and the structure of the library started to crumble.
Then, the vision shifted again, and instead of natives, the souls of women and children who had been burned and persecuted were rising from the earth. They had torches lit with fire.
Then, the vision quickly shifted again, and many spiders-looking creatures with hard shells on them and other beetles were rising out of the earth in mass numbers. They were attaching to the feet of many humans.
Lastly, there was a vision of much wind everywhere. People were going down underground for protection.
To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour. -William Blake, 1807
We live in an age of overconsumption, over-activity, and constant promotion. Everywhere we look, someone is selling something, sometimes even their spirituality. Modern teachings often tell us how to โmanifest more,โ โachieve more,โ or โbecome more,โ implying that if weโre not materially successful, there must be something wrong with us. Some even suggest we have energetic โblocks,โ as if our humanity were a spiritual disease to be cured.
But the deepest healing we can bring to Earth, to one another, and to ourselves does not come from chasing more. It comes from remembering that we are already whole. We are already enough.
The Wound Beneath Our Striving
If we could see into the heart of most human conflict (such as jealousy, resentment, competition, overwork, or emotional withdrawal), we would find the same root: A fear of being less than, more than, or not enough.
Nearly every interpersonal hurt traces back to this fear. And yet, imagine what would happen if we released the belief that anyone must prove their worth. What if enoughness became our default?
This is not idealistic. It is deeply practical.
Letting Go of the Drama of โMoreโ
To let go of struggle, we must first examine the human condition itself.
As humans, we are conditioned to compare, to compete, and to assume that security comes from external achievement. But much of this conditioning arises from an imbalance in our collective energy: an overemphasis on yang (doing, conquering, striving) and a dismissal of yin (receiving, resting, intuiting).
Most people fear yin energy because yin looks like surrender, softness, or โnot doing enough.โ But yin is the well from which abundance flows.
Yang creates action. But yin allows us to receive the fruits of that action without anxiety. Without yin, yang becomes frantic and represents the endless hustle with no sense of arrival.
Balancing Yin and Yang: The Hidden Secret of Abundance
True abundance requires harmony between yin and yang:
Yang: action, creation, movement
Yin: receptivity, surrender, intuition, trust
When yin is present, we feel full. We worry less. We trust more. We move from the heart instead of fear.
When yin is absent, and rely too much on the yang, we over-strive, overwork, and feel the constant pressure to achieve, without the ability to rest, receive, or replenish ourselves. We believe the present moment is โnot enough,” and therefore we are not enough.
This mistrust of yin leads to the modern obsession with chasing abundance rather than receiving it.
Redefining Abundance: From Egoโs Hunger to the Heartโs Wholeness
As Eckhart Tolle beautifully explains, the ego is sustained not by having, but by wanting. Wanting more. Seeking more. Needing more to feel substantial.
But wanting is not abundance โ it is lack.
True abundance has no fear of loss and no need for acquisition. It is gratitude. It is presence. It is the miracle of enoughness.
This is why spiritual texts say it is harder for a rich man to enter heaven. This is not because wealth is wrong, but because seeking more can obscure the heaven that is already within.
With this, we begin to understand that heaven is where the heart is. The more we look outside ourselves for completion, the further we drift from it.
The Miracle Hidden in Ordinary Things
When we experience true abundance, we find beauty in the seemingly simple:
a quiet moment
a kind word
sunlight on a leaf
a breath of peace
a shared smile
Seeing the miracle opens the heart. Once we see the miracle in the world, we recognize the miracle within ourselves. This is not striving. It is awakening.
Why โStriving for Abundanceโ Doesnโt Work
Striving implies lack. You are trying to manifest something you feel you need rather than have. You cannot strive for what already exists.
The truth The Secret never taught you is that trye abundance is not something to attract in the future. It is not something material. It is not part of the consumer paradygm that holds us hostage to outdated norms and values, that treats us as something to buy and sell and encourages us to treat the world and everyone around us in a similar fashion.
Abundance is something to recognize in the present. The miracle innate within such abundance is that it is always now. And this is why both the materially abundant and materially poor can share the same inner wound of โnever-enoughness.โ Neediness doesnโt disappear with possessions. It disappears with presence.
People who know inner abundance often live simply not because they must, but because they can. They have less fear, less grasping, less need for control. They experience more unity, peace, and freedom.
Cultivating Inner Abundance
If you want to understand what abundance you are truly seeking, ask yourself, โWhat feeling do I hope abundance will give me?โ
Acceptance?
Safety?
Worth?
Ease?
Rest?
Freedom?
Joy?
Then, begin nurturing that emotional state from within, rather than waiting for the external world to create it for you.
This shifts your entire life.
The Lotus Within
In the end, all we truly need to know is this: Inner abundance is not connected to material abundance. Inner neediness is.
You were born whole. You remain whole. Within you is a divine lotus that is eternally pure, untouched by the mud that surrounds it.
It never ceases to amaze me just how much luxury we all currently have, both material objects and levels of longevity. Well of course that is not the case for the majority actually, though to us in the west it would appear to be the case. The real truth is that almost 80% of the worldโs populations have very little of these commodities, and their lives are often cut prematurely short through hunger and disease. Kind of odd wouldnโt you say? That 20% of the people of the world have more than enough and may not even realise their good fortunes. A conundrum indeed, do we need more or do we need less (to share more)?
The undertones of the issue I see as the feelings of not-enough-ness: a supposed lack of โabundance.โ People seem to think that in having more (mostly material things) they will somehow escape the feelings of not being enough. The evidence is however, that many if not the majority of these poor souls never reach a point of satisfaction. They continually strive for more and newer gadgets and clothes and wealth.
Now, I am not here to criticize any of this. I simply wish to point out a few fundamental facts that may be escaping people and thereby direct others toward a different potential: one of peace, freedom, and avoidance of the outcomes of our current preoccupation (which their eventualities end in mental dis-ease and many other devastating physical health symptoms).
Point 1
The items we strive to accumulate are intrinsically dead. They are lifeless, motionless, without animation, created by destroying that which is living. It is a type of necrophilia to be killing the living earth and creating lifeless gadgets and other material objects. No-one (not even me) would argue against that these items can have a beneficial purpose and serve us well. They are tools to give us ease of life and help us to be able to achieve many more tasks and objectives than we previously were able to achieve in our lives or certain time-frames. However, we all are aware of many things that we hardly ever use, but do very little about this if we are honest. We stick them in cupboards, attics, garages, sheds and containerized storage facilities, waiting for a day to use them that often never arrives. My grandmother had plates and crockery which I never actually remember her using. After she died, all that happened was that her family argued and fought over who got what. And, for what? So that they could stick it away in another drawer, cupboard or garageโฆ.
I hope that you see the point that I am trying to make. Billions of created (dead) objects are not even serving any useful purpose at all, except possibly occasionally reminding us of a loved one. We all know someone whoโs house is so full of โthingsโ that their life is cramped and challenged by fear of someone stealing their dead goods. If we were actually using this stuff, then it wouldnโt feel so destructive and harmful to Mother Nature. But, we all do this: we take and we take and we give little mind to what the effects of our wanting/taking will have on her.
Point 2
We really donโt need all of these things to have a happy life. Before they were invented, we managed. We made the best of our situations and got on with appreciating Nature, our natural environment, the beauty in it, and how to enjoy it. We knew how to enjoy gatherings with friends, shared meals, sharing of tools and equipment, resources and the abundance of Mother Earth.
An example of this:
In rural communities the farmers would employ the local people to produce the crops and when harvest time came, even the villagers whom usually had other jobs, businesses, pretty well all gave a hand to bring in the sheaves. This provided unity of purpose, a shared income, and meaningful work for many people.
When mechanised farming came in, farmers needed less farm hands, were able to create more product from less resources of labour and could create larger profits (the debate about profits/loss can go on all year, and Iโm certainly not inferring farmers were/are greedy and therefore the cause of the suffering). But, people were the ones to lose out in this scenario, and also the earth. Because labour wasnโt needed so regularly, tractors, harvesters, ploughs, harrows and crop-sprayers had to be made; and, then, buildings to house them. (Have you also noted the amounts of old rusting rotting machinery there is laying around in farm yards/buildings? These could have long since been recycled).
Point 3
The clothes, shoes, jewellery, ornaments, make-ups, perfumes, designer things, named brands and technology have all come at the cost of using natures stored resources, and not always in very environmentally friendly ways. I, too, like some of these items and get great satisfaction from having their service. But it bothers me, that we as a race, have not really considered the long term damages we have wrought in having these things. Our wants have overtaken common sense and reason. Our needs have given us almost no conscience for the results of this action. We need to see that coexistence and longevity as human beings and Nature is a fine line that cannot be crossed without huge impacts.
Many others, including myself, have actually been championing this issue for many years. The ways in which it has become so evident that we, human beings are causing the majority of our environmental problems is clearly documented in scientific studies and ecological research. Al Gore, Severn Cullis, David Suzuki, Friends of the Earth, and Greenpeace are amongst the main initiators of action being taken to rebalance this caustic behaviour. And others, like Mandy Peterson, Radical Routes, Abundant Earth Community, People for Ethics, Awareness, Community and Ecology (P4eace.com), Fellowship of IntentionalCommunities, Diggers and Dreamers (and the groups/communities and organisations they champion) and many more are all taking positive steps towards de-cluttering the earth of the materialism and its cruel harmfulness towards Nature.
As a warrior for change, and out of respect for Nature, I have cut down significantly on using carbon energy. I make more informed choices now with regards purchasing products (which, does not mean buying nothing), so that I can have a clearer understanding about how these actions have impacted on physical resources. I am not totally against people benefiting from creating items for people to use, nor in favor of suddenly closing factories. But, I am saying that I have seen other ways of providing things that have less impact on the planet and communities.
I also gave up collecting huge stores of material items and now I share the things I had previously and keep little more than what serves me daily. I donโt own a car either. That way I donโt need to impact our environment through using petrol (which these companies destroy and harm the planet more than most). I donโt need insurance (another largely greedy commercial enterprise), nor roads already laid. I ride a bicycle and walk everywhere I can, occasionally ride in a car or on a bus or train. I buy foods from local enterprises and check that they have sourced them from greener sources as much as is humanly possible. I work to support myself, which as I have little outgoings, is far easier than before. This gives me some free time to pay attention to the beauty all around me. In fact, walking is a fantastic way to see Nature and engage with it and reconnect with the beauty it shares for free. Traveling at speed means that we miss most of this engagement.
I recount the above measures I have taken merely to highlight what is possible and not to say anything heroic about these actions. It is far easier though to go with what everyone else does, but it would not be the right thing to do. As I have seen the benefits of this choice, I wanted to share the idea that I am helping to implement here in Lincolnshire. It is presently called the Abundant EarthCommunity. Please check out the google group, read the blog entries and share whatever you can if you feel the passion to help create sustainable alternatives for our futures.
Most of all, please remember, that you are enough; without all the trappings of the world and its greedy selfish negligence of the planet.
Using EFT to Tap Through Blocks to Self-Love & Self-Acceptance
A few years ago I experimented with using EFT on a list of individuals whom I would send remote healing too on a weekly basis. Some of the individuals on the list were depressed and had what is termed โMassive Psychological Reversal (PR).โ This is a condition where a person is chronically blocked. Most times, individuals with Massive PR will feel blocked when it comes to healing until they can address an underlying issue of lack of self-love and/or self-acceptance. So, for my list of individuals who desired remote healing, what I ended up experimenting with was tapping one round of EFT on each of the main psychological reversals (see the article on psychological reversals here >> for more information).
The results were pretty incredible. I had many people offer me feedback expressing how much better they felt, that they felt real shifts, or that they felt so much lighter and less depression or obsessed.
If you want to do this for yourself, simply focus on tapping one round of tapping on each of the main tapping statements below:
“I deserve to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
“It is safe for me to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
“It is safe for others if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
“I am willing to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
“It is possible” for me to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
“I allow” myself to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
“I will benefit” if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
Others will benefit” if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
โI have what it takes to make life work if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
“I don’t have to feel deprived if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
I don’t have to lose my identity if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
Even if I never deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations, it is okay because God (or my higher self, the universe etc.) does.โ
“I am ready to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
Then tap the main affirmation of “I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
Because the above exercise can take 15 โ 35 minutes (depending if you embellish and your speed), I also provide a more condensedโbut embellishedโversion of this tapping exercise below.
Condensed Script
Round 1
Side of the Hand: I donโt need to hang onto any feelings of shame. I donโt have to feel unworthy or not good enough. Those emotions hurt so badly and I never deserved to live in that kind of pain. I always deserved to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, regardless of my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of the Hand: I donโt need to hang onto any feelings of guilt or remorse anymore; especially where I havenโt even done anything wrong. I donโt have to feel guilty or not good enough just for being myself. I donโt have to need others approval to love myself. Others will benefit if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of the Hand: It doesnโt have to feel unsafe for me to love myself. I donโt have to think something bad will happen to me if I accept myself as I am and feel good enough. I can trust that it is safe for me to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, regardless of my weaknesses and limitations.
Top of Head: I feel all the shame that I have been carrying around begin to away. I deserve to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.
Eyebrow Point: I feel all of the hurt and pain of being not good begin to fade away. I always deserved to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of the Eye: I feel the hurt and the fear of not being good enough begin to fade away. I donโt need that hurt and pain anymore. I always deserved to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses, mistakes, fears or limitations.
Under the Eye: I feel all of the guilt that I have been carrying around drop off me now. It is safe for others if I let that guilt go. Letting go does not mean I will become mean or hurtful. It is safe for others if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Under the Nose: I feel all my worry drop off me now; worry that I was not good enough for others, that I was a disappointment in some way or that I would be rejected for being who I am. Others benefit if I can replace these worries with compassion for myself. Others will benefit if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Chin point: I feel all fear of being myself begin to fade away. I feel all that fear being replaced with warmth and compassion for myself. I can trust that it has always been safe for me to deeply love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses, fears and limitations.
Collar Bone Point: I feel all my fears of being loved and accepted begin to fade away. I donโt need to be protected from being loved anymore. It is okay to make mistakes, to be rejected, to not be perfect. It is always safe for me to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Under the Arm: It is safe to give and receive love, and to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Round 2
Side of the Hand: I donโt have to feel hopeless anymore or that I canโt heal this issue. I donโt have to feel doomed to forever carry pain and fear when it comes to loving myself. It is possible for me to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of the Hand: It is not hopeless to think that I can completely love and accept myself. I do not have to feel depressed about life in this way. I can create a new identity for myself where I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses, emotions and imperfections.
Side of the Hand: And,even if I never deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my imperfections, this is okay, too. I know that God and the universe unconditionally love me no matter who I am or what I do.
Top of Head: I feel all my beliefs that it is not possible to completely love myself begin to fade away. I feel these beliefs being replaced with beliefs in my own worthiness. I know that it is possible for me to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all weaknesses and limitations.
Eyebrow Point: I visualize that all of my worries that I will never feel completely whole and accepted drop off me now. I no longer have to believe that I will never deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Eye: It has always been possible to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself; regardless of any weaknesses and limitations. I visualize that all my doubts are fading away now.
Under the Eye: I donโt have to believe that I will never deeply and profoundly love and accept myself. I visualize that any such negative beliefs begin to drop one by one from my energy field. Such beliefs are replaced with new ones that honor my new sense of self-esteem.
Under the Nose: I will still know who I am if an old unloving identity disappears and is replaced with one of profound self-love and self-acceptance.
Chin point: I visualize myself standing tall and confident. All past identities of shame, guilt or feeling not good enough drop off my energy field now. I stand in a new energy and new identity where I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, imperfections and all!
Collar Bone Point: I visualize that my own self-love is filling up my energy field. My energy field expands out with that love to share it with the world. This is my new identity, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Under the Arm: I keep allowing love to fill up my energy field, and I keep radiating that love outward. I have a new identity where I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself not matter what weaknesses or imperfections that I may think I have.
Round 3
Side of the Hand: Even if part of me is still not allowing myself to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations, this is okay. God/the Universe deeply and profoundly loves and accepts me with all my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of the Hand: Even if part of me is still not ready to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself [and to let go of any shame or guilt I have felt for not being good enough], this is okay too. God deeply and profoundly loves and accepts me with all my weaknesses, guilt, shame and limitations.
Side of the Hand: Even if part of me is still not willing to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, because it might feel too hard or difficult, this is okay. God deeply and profoundly love and accepts me with all my weaknesses, lack of belief in myself and limitations.
Top of Head: I visualize that all resistance to loving myself begins to fade away now. It drops off my energy field, so that I can allow myself to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Eyebrow Point: I visualize that all past conditioning or memories that told me I shouldnโt love myself begin to fade away now. I now allow myself to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, regardless of my imperfections.
Side of the Eye: I am ready to be free of all frequencies, blueprints, imprints, causes and memories that blocked me from deeply and profoundly loving myself. I donโt need to hang onto any of this energetic baggage anymore.
Under the Eye: I now allow myself to be free of all frequencies, blueprints, imprints, causes and memories that blocked me from deeply and profoundly loving myself. I donโt need to hang onto any of this energetic baggage anymore.
Under the Nose: I am willing to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations. It doesnโt have to be hard or difficult.
Chin point: I choose to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations. I make this choice easily and effortlessly.
Collar Bone Point: I feel my whole body and energy field respond to the power of this choice. I feel strong. I feel confident and fully willing to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Under the Arm: While this is a new type of way for me to feel about myself, I am ready and I am making a choice to deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, regardless of any perceived weaknesses or limitations, and regardless of anyone else’s opinion or mood.
Round 4
Side of the Hand: I donโt have to hang onto all the benefits or rewards I receive from feeling small, guilty, ashamed or not good enough. I can benefit if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself regardless of any imperfections.
Side of the Hand: I donโt have to feel unworthy or โless thanโ others for any reason. Others WILL benefit if I can deeply and profoundly love and accept myself; regardless of what others perceive to be my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of the Hand: I can make my life work if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with any perceived weaknesses and limitations.
Top of Head: I and others fully benefit if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Eyebrow Point: I visualize that any benefit that I receive from refusing to love and accept myself is disappearing now. Any energetic contracts that I created to keep me stuck in never feeling good enough are falling apart.
Side of the Eye: I visualize that any desire within me to withhold love from myself based on another personโs opinion of me is dropping off my energy field now. It is no longer resonates with my new and self-loving vibration.
Under the Eye: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself regardless of any weaknesses, imperfections or any need for another personโs approval. I donโt need the approval of others in order to love myself.
Under the Nose: I fully benefit if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations. I feel my energy field fill up with self-love, and I direct that love in an unconditional manner toward all parts of myself.
Chin point: I also allow myself to set loving boundaries that allow me to love both myself and others with all of our human weaknesses and limitations.
Collar Bone Point: I can make my life work if I unconditionally love and accept myself and others regardless of our weaknesses or limitations.
Under the Arm: I can make my life work if I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and others with all of our weaknesses and limitations.
Round 5
Side of the Hand: I no longer need to feel blocked when it comes to profoundly loving and accepting myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of the Hand: I let go of any addiction to drama, fear, or negative emotions. I no longer need to feel deprived of any of these things if I should deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of the Hand: I can permanently be free of blocks to deeply and profoundly loving and accepting myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Top of Head: My love for myself is unconditional. I feel this through every fiber of my being. I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Eyebrow Point: Anything that has blocked me from experiencing unconditional love for myself is fading away now. It no longer needs to take up space within my energy field. I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself now.
Side of the Eye: I visualize that all frequencies, blueprints, imprints, memories or causes linked to any lack of self-love are disappearing now. They no longer have a place in my energy field because I deeply and unconditionally love and accept myself now.
Under the Eye: I visualize what it is like for this feeling of unconditional love to be permanent. I keep tapping while I let my mind visualize this now.
Under the Nose: I am ready for this unconditional love and acceptance for myself to be permanent.
Chin point: I allow for this unconditional love and acceptance for myself to be permanent.
Collar Bone Point: I can make my life work if this unconditional love and acceptance for myself is permanent.
Under the Arm: I donโt have to feel deprived in any way if this love and acceptance of myself is permanent.
Final Round (Optional)
Top of Head: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Eyebrow Point: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Side of Eye: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Under Eye: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Under Nose: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Chin Point: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Collar Bone Point: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
Under Arm: I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all of my weaknesses and limitations.
If you still feel blocked, you can try using the online EFT Divination and Chakra Deck to draw a card for what is most blocking progress (located at http://www.love-light-healing.com/decks/).
If you feel nothing is working, it may help to work with myself or another EFT practitioner who may be able to help you to tap trough angles or issues that you might not think of.
Food cravings can be a complicated topic. It depends why you are having a craving and what it is related to.
Tapping Around Issues Related to Willpower or Self-Indulgence
For some, it might be a willpower issue. If so, you might want to do some EFT tapping on the issue of willpower or self-indulgence. For example, you can try tapping, โEven though I have cravings that prevent me from losing weight, and I feel I don’t have the willpower to resist them, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.โ Feel free to reword or change the script I provide around to add what’s relevant.
Tapping Around Issues Related to Addiction or Withdrawal
If you suffer from candida, food allergies or an addiction (such as to sugar, wheat, or chocolate)., you might experience intense cravings as part of withdrawing from particular foods. Some people when they first go off sugar or wheat can experience what feels like drug withdrawal, experiencing anxiety, stomach pain, nausea or other symptoms.
If this sounds like you, try replacing the word โcravingsโ with โaddiction’โ or โwithdrawal symptoms.” For example, you can try tapping, โEven though I am suffering horrible withdrawal symptoms [list symptoms] from removing [list foods] from my diet, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.โ
Tap-Along Video
You can also simply tap along with the video below, if you wish.
Use the image below if you are unfamiliar with where the tapping points are located.
EFT Tapping Chart
Round 1
Side of the Hand: Even though itโs not possible for me to be free of these food cravingsโIโll never be free of the compulsion to overeat certain foods, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even if Iโm never free of these food cravingsโIโm too resistance to letting them go, itโs too hard and they are too overpowering for me, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even though I canโt even imagine what it feels like to be free of food cravingsโthey have become part of my identity and I think about eating these foods all the time, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Top of Head: It does not feel possible for me to be free of these cravings [or list the particular foods]. There is too much resistance that I feel.
Eyebrow Point: Itโs impossible to be free of these cravings because it is impossible for me to free myself of all the causes of these cravingโincluding a lack of willpower. This is just too complicated and hopeless, especially since the desire to overeat certain foods has become too much a part of my identity and daily routine.
Side of the Eye: It seems impossible that I could be free of these food cravings permanently. Itโs probably not even possible for EFT to work that well.
Under the Eye: Whenever I have tried to be free of food cravings in the past, they always came back. The temptation to eat these foods is too strong. So are the feelings of withdrawal if I take the foods I crave out of my diet. For these reasons, it just feels like I will never be free of food cravings.
Under the Nose: I know on some level it is possible to be free of all of my food cravings and issues with food. There is always hope. I donโt have to believe I can never be free.
Chin point: It is even possible to be free of all of the causes of my food cravings. This includes whether the causes are emotional or physical [such as candida, food allergies, etc.].
Collar Bone Point: It is possibly to be clear of these food cravings permanently. It is possible to be permanently clear of all their frequencies, imprints, and blueprints.
Under the Arm: I donโt have to believe that I will never be free of these food cravings. Even now, I can visualize my life free of cravings. I can even visualize myself feeling quenched from enjoying fruits and vegetables in their raw and natural state.
Round 2
Side of the Hand: Even though it is possible to be free of cravings [which you can list the craving(s)], this does not mean that I deserve to be free of them. But, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself anyways.
Side of the Hand: Even though it might not even be safe for me to be free of these cravings [for example; I might go through pain or withdrawal symptoms, or I might feel that I can no longer comfort myself through food], I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even though it is not safe for others if I am free of these cravings [for example; it might offend someone if I donโt eat with them, or they will feel threatened if I lose weight], I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Top of Head: Maybe it is not safe for me to be easily, effortlessly and instantaneously free of food cravings. I donโt even know that I deserve to be free of them that quickly and easily. I have these feelings of unworthiness.
Eyebrow Point: I do know on some level thatI deserve to be free of cravings now. I also deserve to be free of all of the causes of my cravings, as well as the need to suffer through withdrawal symptoms.
Side of the Eye: I even deserve to be free of all frequencies, blueprints, imprints, causes and memories that may be connected to these food cravings. And, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Under the Eye: It has always been safe for me to be free of these food cravings [you can list what foods or you can describe what the craving feels like].
Under the Nose: It is safe for me to experience withdrawal or discomfort if I remove the foods that I crave from my diet. I can trust that I can move through these types of symptoms quickly, easily and effortlessly.
Chin point: It is safe for me to be free of all of my food cravings and their causes now.
Collar Bone Point: It is safe for others if I have the willpower to avoid the unhealthy foods that I craveโwhether others like it or not.
Under the Arm: It is safe for others if I am free of all food addictions and cravings now.
Round 3
Side of the Hand: Even though I wonโt allow myself to be free of my food cravingsโI feel so much resistance and lack of willpower when it comes to letting them go, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even though part of me is not willing to be free of these cravings (after all, these have been foods that I have loved and which have given me comfort and pleasure), I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even though I will feel deprived if I am free of these cravingsโI will miss all of the sweetness and comfort that certain foods had to offer, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Top of Head: I am willing to be free of all of these food cravings [or list the particular foods], and all resistance to being free of these food cravings now.
Eyebrow Point: I am willing to be free of my food cravings, as well as their emotional or physical causes.
Side of the Eye: I now allow myself to be free of all frequencies, blueprints, imprints, causes and memories connected to these food cravings, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Under the Eye: I allow myself to easily and effortlessly move through symptoms of withdrawal or discomfort.
Under the Nose: I also allow myself to be healed of all causes of these food cravings, or whatever they symbolize within my lifeโsuch as a desire for nurturing or love, a desire for sweetness or comfort, a relief from stress, or whatever the case might be.
Chin point: I donโt have to feel deprived if Iโm free of these food cravings. I can allow healthier foods to make me feel good [you can list the foods you want to crave here].
Collar Bone Point: I do not have to feel deprived if Iโm free of the causes of these food cravings; whether the causes are emotional, physical, or something else.
Under the Arm: I donโt have to feel deprived in any way if I adapt a new diet that is healthy for me. As my diet changes, I can begin to enjoy new and healthier foods to eat. I can allow healthier foods to satisfy my appetite.
Round 4
Side of the Hand: Even though I wonโt benefit if I am free of these food cravingsโI would be giving up things that give me comfort and pleasure, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even though others wonโt benefit if I am free of these cravingsโthey need me to eat certain foods in order not to feel alone in eating them themselves, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even though Iโm not sure I have what it takes to make my life work if I am free of food cravings, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Top of Head: I wonโt benefit if Iโm free of these food cravings [or list the particular foods]. If I gave them up, Iโd be depriving myself of a source of comfort and pleasure. I might also experience uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms, such as anxiety, hunger pains, or stomach issues.
Eyebrow Point: A part of me does know that I will benefit if I am free of food craving. I will even benefit if I do not have to experience any type of suffering or withdrawal symptoms from changing my diet.
Side of the Eye: I will benefit if my energy is cleared of all frequencies, blueprints, imprints, causes and memories connected to these food cravings. And, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Under the Eye: I have what it takes to make my life work if Iโm free of cravings; if I can easily and effortlessly enjoy a new and healthier diet.
Under the Nose: Even others will benefit if I am healed of all causes of these food cravings. Others will also benefit if I am healed of whatever these cravings symbolize in my lifeโwhether it is a desire for nurturing or love, a desire for sweetness or comfort, a pleasurable relief from stress, or something else.
Chin point: I will benefit if Iโm free of these food cravings, and if I no longer feel dependent or addicted when it comes to how good these foods have made me feel [you can list the food or foods if you want].
Collar Bone Point: I can make my life work if I am free of these food cravings. I can make my life work if free of the causes of these food cravings; whether the causes are emotional, physical, nutritional, or something else.
Under the Arm: I can make my life work if I adapt a new diet that is healthy for me; if I can feel drawn to healthier foods [or list the foods you want to crave]. In fact, I now I allow my craving for starches, wheat, sugar or chocolate [whatever the food might be] to be replaced with a desire to enjoy fruits, vegetables and unprocessed foods.
Round 5
Side of the Hand: Even though I still need these food cravings, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even though I still feel unready to be free of these food cravings, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Side of the Hand: Even though it is unlikely that I can permanently be free of food cravingsโI have tried to be free of them in the past and they came back, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Top of Head: Iโm deciding now that Iโm ready to be free of these food cravings. I have the willpower and I can follow through.
Eyebrow Point: I am fully ready to be free of these food cravings; as well any symptoms of suffering, withdrawal or detoxification. I donโt need these cravings or their symptoms anymore.
Side of the Eye: Iโm ready to walk into a new identity that is free of all frequencies, blueprints, imprints, causes and memories connected to food cravings or food issues. I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Under the Eye: I can visualize my life permanently free of food cravings. I visualize myself enjoying a new and healthier diet where I desire only healthy, nutritional and unprocessed foods in amounts that help keep me slim and fit.
Under the Nose: I feel my cravings departing now. This is a good thing, and I am ready for this.
Chin point: I feel my food cravingsโand all of their causesโbeing healed and solved. This benefits me tremendously, and I am ready to experience a permanent healing.
Collar Bone Point: I feel these cravings, and any need to hang onto them, disappearing. Any resistance I have felt is fading away. Even the symptoms of withdrawal, hunger pains and anxiety are fading away as well. They do not need to be part of my life or experience anymore.
Under the Arm: I now feel free of food cravings. When I visualize my life, I see myself free of struggles when it comes to food. I see myself living a happy life while enjoying foods that foster health and vitality and which keep me slim and fit.
Still Feel Blocked?
If you still feel blocked, you can try using the online EFT Divination Kit to draw a card for what is most blocking progress (located at https://mysticmandy.com/eft-cards-online/ ). I also have a longer video that goes through all the blocks here >>
If you feel nothing is working, it may help to work with myself or another EFT practitioner who may be able to help you to tap trough angles or issues that you might not think of.
James Redfield, Eckhart Tolle, Mandy Peterson and many other authors have been writing about these issues for such a large part of the past several decades with the aim of waking people up gradually into a new world. One that has been created by blindness and greed. The reason they have been attempting to wake people is certainly not to manipulate them further. But it does seem clear that these rather small groups of people have done so out of concern for the welfare of the greater number of their human family. Of course no-one likes to be waken in a violent and scary fashion. A cold bucket of water thrown over you might cause you a heart attack, but a slow gentle shaking will do no harm whatsoever.
Though this has been going on for some time, it would appear to certain observers that the result has been lethargic from the people waken from this preoccupation with materialism/things/resources. We are still using energy sources at rates that are unsustainable. Why even a week or so ago here in the United Kingdom, energy companies were reporting strategies that would stop private users demanding so much supply during the week, when manufacturers needed that power for industry. They were being encouraged (the private household consumer) to use supply at the weekends rather than at other times.
Peaceful Warrior is a writer, song writer, boat man, warrior of light, adventurer and doer of random acts of kindness. You can find out more about him at his website and his blog.
What is Duality and what is Isness, and why does it matter what we believe?
Duality by dictionary definition is:
duality (djuหหรฆlษชtษช )
Definitions
noun
(plural) -ties
the state or quality of being two or in two parts; dichotomy
(physics) the principle that a wave-particle duality exists in microphysics in which wave theory and corpuscular theory are complementary. The propagation of electromagnetic radiation is analysed using wave theory but its interaction with matter is described in terms of photons. The condition of particles such as electrons, neutrons, and atoms is described in terms of de Broglie waves
(geometry) the interchangeability of the roles of the point and the plane in statements and theorems in projective geometry
to have presence in the realm of perceived reality; exist; liveย โย I think, therefore I am, not all that is can be understood
used in the perfect or past perfect tenses only to pay a visit; goย โย have you been to Spain?
to take place; occurย โย my birthday was last Thursday
copula used as a linking verb between the subject of a sentence and its noun or adjective complement or complementing phrase. In this case be expresses the relationship of either essential or incidental equivalence or identity ( John is a man; John is a musician) or specifies an essential or incidental attribute ( honey is sweet; Susan is angry). It is also used with an adverbial complement to indicate a relationship of location in space or time ( Bill is at the office; the dance is on Saturday)
takes a present participle forms the progressive present tenseย โย the man is running
takes a past participle forms the passive voice of all transitive verbs and (archaically) certain intransitive onesย โย a good film is being shown on television tonight, I am done
takes an infinitive expresses intention, expectation, supposition, or obligationย โย the president is to arrive at 9.30, you are not to leave before I say so
takes a past participle forms the perfect or past perfect tense of certain intransitive verbs of motion, such as go or comeย โย the last train is gone
British English: being You can refer to any real or imaginary creature as a being. NOUNPeople expect a horse to perform like a car, with no thought for its feelings as a living being.
To the untrained eye, it may appear that there are always pluses and minuses. Good or evil, love and hate, war and peace, cold and heat, or light and darkness. Up, down, left, right, inside and outside, forwards and backwards. But you may be surprised to know that by a process we call relativity we can arrive at many other points of conclusion and or debate. Duality would have us believe that both exist side by side and that there is only one thing or the other, with it’s opposite at the point of us determining our viewpoint.
For example: if we are cold, that means there is an absence of heat. Heat exists as a concept like everything else, therefore if we are not experiencing it, we are subjected to it’s diverse opposite. The amount to which we are experiencing it is determined by our personal decision about where one ends and one begins. Quantifying. In this theorising model, both heat and cold are the same thing, just adverse ends of a spectrum of sensation felt by our bodies sensory receptors, with determinable advances towards or away from each end. Which of course also indicates/theorizes that there is/are no ends, on this linear scale.
If we go up, by relativity, we are no longer going down or stationary. Right means less left, and so on… I’m sure you are beginning to get my point. So if we move from one to the other both still exist in the material and tangible world in which we perceive this experience to be taking place, whilst another potential truth also exists. That we can move and not move and whilst we are moving, one of the perceived ends appears closer, but also that the non movement requires a silence, a pause which in and of itself is neither of the ends of the scale. Is the fog clearing, or are you still confused?
I merely offer another perspective that you and I can consider, to be able to diversify our relative thinking, and see this in and of itself as somewhat limiting to our being, our Isness.
Duality gives us a reason to feel comfortable in the main, because we can fit things into a neat box. We label it up and pigeon hole it and go away thinking nothing bad can come our way because we have organised our world as we wish it to be. Compared to the theory of complete chaos, relativity and duality appear very sound and dependable. Have we considered our own limiting minds in all of our calculations? Our emotions, beliefs, prejudices and bias, not to mention our paranoia that we don’t know everything and our rationality dictating our soundness of mind? Duality really implies that something is, and it is, because of what it is not. And by definition, there are many things it is not, all at the same theoretical moment in what we have constructed to evaluate this and called this time.
Being, Isness however allows us to accept all things as equal, as being one with each other. This Isness means logically that each occurrence is as important as any other. That what holds each thing together is as important and relative as any of the other component parts which it bonds/holds/controls to keep them where they are, will and should be.
Significantly we as human beings have for centuries tried desperately to control, understand and manipulate everything in our material and tangible existence, but without the wisdom to see that we cannot and do not have the power to control everything. There does seem to be a type of order in the realms of the known universe, and the tangible reality we have called life. And yet there is also a lot of mystery, chaos and apparent tragedy in it too.
My personal experiences have shown me that following a particular path can lead to treasure as also it can lead to disappointment. No one way is superior to any other in discernible and or credible values, other than does it serve me or not. For this reason I cannot judge one way as being inferior or superior, despite what other human beings state of their experiences. My truth is only that. My truth. It is a truth, based upon present considerations and data. Tomorrow it may change, or it may not, depending upon what event comes along to offer me a new way of evaluating that new data.
This article is intended for those who are familiar with Emotional Freedom Technique. If you are unfamiliar and wish to learn more, you can find more information here>> .
This series of EFT articles is based on healing ourselves in ways that can help us heal the world. When asking what to focus this script on, I drawn a card that represents being able to feel we are enough. This makes sense when we think of the conditioning we receive in the world that keeps us in a state of:
competition
focus on outcomes
feeling we never have enough
feeling we never are enough
feeling we are never doing enough
I’ve made available a free app here >> to use in place of muscle testing. You can use it to detect blocks that are unique to you.
To Begin…
1. A Round of Tapping to Clear and Connect to Source
Use the set-up statement:
โI am clear and connected to Source.”
See the EFT Points image for the location of the points. Tap firmly with two fingers each point as you repeat the set up statement.
2. I Choose to Feel Enough
Asking what block the collective needs to tap through first, I draw “I Choose.” For a majority of us, we may not choose to feel enough.
To clear this block, repeat one or a combination of the set up statements below while tapping the EFT points 6 to 7 times each:
Even though I donโt choose to feel enough, I deeply love and accept myself.
Even though I don’t choose to feel whole, complete, and valuable, I deeply love and accept myself.
I choose to feel enough
I choose to feel that I have enough (optional variation)
I choose to feel that I do enough (optional variation)
Points to tap:
Karate Chop Point (3 x)
Top of Head
Eyebrow Point
Side of Eye
Under Eye
Under Nose
Chin Point
Collar Bone
Under Arm
3. I am Ready to Feel Enough
Asking if there is a second block that we would collectively benefit from working on, I draw the card โReadiness.โ So, we might not feel ready to feel enough.
To clear this block, repeat one or a combination of the set up statements below while tapping the EFT points 6 to 7 times each:
Even though I’m not ready to feel enough, I deeply love and accept myself.
Even though I’m not ready to feel whole, complete, and valuable, I deeply love and accept myself.
I’m ready to feel enough
I’m ready to feel that I have enough (optional variation)
I’m ready to feel that I do enough (optional variation)
The points to tap are listen in Step 2.
4. I Want to Feel Enough
Drawing a third card for what we would collectively benefit from clearing, I draw the card โI want.โ So, part of the collective does not truly want to feel enough as we are.
To clear this block, repeat one or a combination of the set up statements below while tapping the EFT points 6 to 7 times each:
Even though I donโt want to feel enough, I deeply love and accept myself.
Even though I don’t want to feel whole, complete, and valuable, I deeply love and accept myself.
I want to feel enough
I want to feel that I have enough (optional variation)
I want to feel that I do enough (optional variation)
The points to tap are listen in Step 2.
5. It is Safe for Others if I Feel Enough
Drawing one more card, it reads โSafe for Others.โ This card means we feel that we will hurt others if we feel enough or something bad will happen. Maybe we won’t accomplish something and it will cause our family, boss, or people in general to suffer. Or you could feel it would make you uncaring or narcissistic.
Even though it is not safe for others if I feel enough, I deeply love and accept myself.
Even though it is not safe for others if I feel whole, complete, and valuable, I deeply love and accept myself.
Nothing bad is going to happen to anyone if I feel enough.
I won’t turn into a bad or hurtful person if I feel enough.
It is safe for others if I know I have enough (optional variation)
It is safe for others to feel I do enough (optional variation)
The points to tap are listen in Step 2.
6. Tap Any Other Blocks You Can Think of Related to Feeling Enough
You can use the app here >> if you are looking for options. Or simply tap the main issue: that you are enough, always were and do not need to feel otherwise.
7. Optional Set-Up Statement
In closing, you can tap the following set-up statements:
I see the beauty and the miracle in all that is simple.
I find beauty and the miracle of being enough within myself
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as Energy Psychology or Meridian Tapping, is a gentle yet powerful form of Thought Field Therapy. It combines psychology, acupressure, and intention to help release emotional blocks, limiting beliefs, unhealthy patterns, and even physical discomfort.
Today, EFT is used by therapists, naturopaths, healers, life coaches, and energy practitioners. It can be practiced in person, online, or even on your own after learning the steps. Itโs flexible, easy to learn, and works beautifully alongside other modalities such as muscle testing, NLP, meditation, talk therapy, and inner child work.
How Does EFT Work?
EFT is based on the idea that emotional discomfort or sabotaging patterns are connected to disruptions in the bodyโs energy system, whether emotional, mental, or energetic. When a traumatic memory, fear, belief, or problem becomes โstuckโ in our meridian system, it can cause:
By tapping on specific acupressure points while holding a problem in mind, we shift its energetic imprint. This helps restore balance, release emotional charge, and make space for mental clarity, peace, and improved well-being.
EFT and Psychological Reversal
Sometimes, no matter how much we want to change, we subconsciously resist healing. This is known as psychological reversal, and it shows up as resistance, avoidance, or self-sabotage.
Some examples of reversal thinking include:
โHealing will mean losing a part of my identity.โ
โOthers need me to stay sick, sad, or stuck.โ
โIf I change, Iโll lose connection, security, or belonging.โ
โI donโt deserve success, love, or happiness.โ
This subconscious resistance can block results, even when a person consciously wants healing. Fortunately, EFT helps bring these hidden beliefs to the surface and clear them layer by layer.
How to Perform EFT on Yourself
1. Identify a Main Issue
Begin with a core issue, such as anxiety, food craving, fear of success, self-doubt, pain, or emotional triggers.
Break it into aspects, or smaller pieces of the issue. For example, some issues to consider tapping related to โweight lossโ may include:
Food cravings
Lack of motivation to exercise
Emotional eating
Fear of losing identity if weight changes
These aspects are tapped through one at a time.
2. Notice the Emotional Intensity
Traditionally, we use a 0โ10 scale (SUDS) to measure emotional intensity. However, if you or a client doesnโt โfeelโ the level clearly, you can simply notice:
Where in the body the issue is felt (or you feel tenseness or sensation) when you think about it
If there is resistance or emotional charge
Whether the thought or issues still feels โtrueโ
You can tune into sensations instead of numbers if that feels more natural.
I also created an EFT Divination Kit with “blocks are clear” cards so that people using the cards know when an aspect is
3. Create a Setup Statement
Setup statements acknowledge the issue while affirming self-acceptance. The classic formula is:
Even though [problem], I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Example: Even though part of me fears I will lose my identity if I lose weight, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
Repeat this statement three times while tapping (see image for point location):
Karate Chop point (side of hand), or
The Sore Spot (Collar Bone Point)
4. Create a Reminder Phrase
Now, shorten the statement into a โreminder phraseโ to keep the issue active while tapping. For example:
“Fear of losing identity”
โI donโt feel safe to changeโ
โThank you God that I donโt have to lose my identity to growโ
Positive phrasing can be added when it feels right.
5. Tap Through the Meridian Points
Tap approximately 5โ7 times on each point while repeating your reminder phrase (see image further above for point locations):
Top of Head
Eyebrow
Side of Eye
Under Eye
Under Nose
Chin Point
Collarbone
Under Arm
(Hand points may be added if needed.)
6. Reassess and Continue Tapping
After one round of tapping, pause and notice whether the intensity dropped? You can measure again, or simply feel for shifts in:
Emotional charge
Body sensations
New insights
Resistance
Repeat new rounds on any remaining aspects or layers.
7. Optional Gamut Procedure (If Your Issue Feels Stuck)
If you feel stuck or progress is slow, you can include the 9-Gamut process, which adds eye movements and brain balancing exercises while tapping the point on the back of the hand.
One can perform the gamut procedure by tapping the gamut point on the EFT Points image further above (the point is in the dip between the bones going up towards the pinky and forth finger, below the knuckles).
Tap this point while doing the following:
close your eyes
open your eyes
move your eyes hard and down to the right
move your eyes hard and down to the left
circle your eyes right
circle your eyes left
hum for a few seconds
count to ten
hum again for a few second
do the eye movements again
repeat the application of EFT on all the points from the head to under the arm.
Using EFT Responsibly
EFT is safe for most people, but there are important precautions:
Do not encourage exposure to traumatic events when a person feels unready.
Never force emotional processing or confront triggering memories too quickly.
Use gentle methods, and seek licensed or trauma-informed support when dealing with severe trauma or deep emotional wounds.
Hydrate before and after sessions to support energetic flow.
Final Thoughts
EFT is not about forcing change, but inviting it. It encourages the body, mind, and energy to release what no longer serves and make room for what does. Healing happens gently, one layer at a time.
Abreactions
In a small number of cases, EFT can result in what are called “abreactions” which may be experiences as the rise of uncomfortable symptoms due to resistance or emotions rising to the surface. They can be avoided by being cautions by being slow and gentle with the healing process, letting go of force.
When asking a question on Facebook regarding what I should write about for Bellesprit Magazine this month, a good friend of mine offered me an intriguing response. She told me to โchannelโ the White Buffalo Calf Woman regarding a post she had published on Facebook a few days earlier.
This post showed a map of how the radiation from Fukushima was spreading to the North. With theย mapย was a link to an article (seeย here>>). So, I sat outside for a bit with a pen and paper to connect with the White Buffalo Calf Woman and to see what story would flow through. While these have been called โchannelingsโ they are actually fictional stories. To begin each story, I close my eyes and imagine the White Buffalo Calf Woman approaching me. I, then, allow a dialogue to begin to unfold. Here is the story that would result:
Within my mindโs eye, as if in a dream, I see the White Buffalo Calf Woman approaching me. She offers me a pink rose and I accept it graciously. As I take the rose, it changes color from pink, to yellow, to white and back to pink again. Then, the White Buffalo Calf Woman finally speaks.
โLove is like a rainbow.โ she tells me. โIt has many different shades and meanings. It does not take much to bloom, but has certain requirements to thrive; just like the rose dose. And, while love represents strength, it also represents vulnerability. This is why the rose, a symbol of love, has thorns to protect itself from predators.โ
โCan love heal the waters that have been polluted by the disaster at Fukashima?โ I then asked.
โLove can heal your miscreations, but only once you understand why you miscreated them. Otherwise your miscreations will repeat themselves.โ was the Lady Calf Womanโs reply.
With this she took my hand in hers. The next thing I knew, we were both standing on a beach together, ankle deep in water. I jumped backwards and out of the water, shocked to see what I was ankle deep in. However, the White Buffalo Calf Woman kept to her position and posed to me a question, โDonโt you want to join me here?โ
My immediate reaction was โNo way!โ I could see that the ocean water where she was standing was full of many unclean things. It appeared as if it was full of oil, debris, sewage, and filth. And, I was sure that because my original question involved Fukushima, it was probably polluted with radioactive byproducts as well.
โWhy would you want me to stand in there with you?โ I asked her.
โYou are not afraid to be part of what has manifested it. So why would you be afraid of the effects?โ She asked me. โโAs without, so within,โ I always say.โ
โWhat do you mean Iโm not afraid to be part of what manifests it? Iโm very vocal about us becoming more aware.โ I said. โItโs the reason that I called upon you today.โ
Once more, she motioned for me to stand with her in the water, urging me not to be afraid. So, I joined her, trusting that it would be safe. However, as I looked down toward our ankles, I saw that lesions were beginning to form. I immediately felt afraid and almost jumped back out of the water again. My Lakota companion, however, encouraged me to stay standing with her by her side.
โWhy are you making me endure this?โ I asked.
โWhy are you making yourself endure it?โ was her response.
All I could do was continue to look down at my ankles in trepidation. The lady calf woman saw my anxiety. โDonโt worry about the lesions,โ she reassured me. โThey are only illusions; illusions that spring from mankindโs thoughts, wishes and deeds.โ
โWe wish for this?โ I asked.
โOf course.โ she answered. โWhatever you wish for, you receive. Do you not ask to enjoy ways of living, conveniences and power sources that you know have polluting or unhealthy effects, and to be able to live with these effects?โ
โSo, this is all illusion and we are not supposed to be concerned?โ I asked.
โYes and noโ was her response. โIn spirit you are always safe and your material life is an illusion. However, within this illusion you always have choice of what illusions you wish to create.โ
She continued, โRight now mankind is choosing to pollute the waters. It is illusion, yes, but it is also an active choice; though few of you would own up to what you are choosing. Not enough of you will take action to choose something else. โ
โThat is true.โ I responded.
The White Buffalo Calf Woman continued, โMost of you mistake knowledge for wisdom, and then knowledge becomes something to use in order to continue to produce miscreations.โ
โWhat do you mean that knowledge is not wisdom?โ I asked.
โI mean that no one can argue that mankind is not knowledgeable of many things. In more recent years, a great deal of spiritual knowledge has been passed down to the peoples of Earth. Though, it remains simply knowledge rather than wisdom. This is because wisdom is the ability to use knowledge in a creative way rather than toward miscreation.โ
โWhat do you mean when you say โmiscreation.โโ I asked.
โMiscreations are creations that fail to honor the sacred spark and your sacred Host, Mother Earth. They are creations that are not born from love or from an understanding that you are a part of a bigger picture and that bigger picture is a part of you. For, if you understood true love, you would not need to miscreate anymore. Your creations would all create peaceful, healthy and loving fruits. You would openly seek to bring balance back to your world, regardless of what you might have to give up. However you are unwilling to give up what creates pollution for you and the pollution itself. And you do not understand that the pollution you perceive outside of youโwhich results from your miscreationsโis merely a symbol of how polluted and โradiotoxicโ your mind, thoughts and wishes have become. You have left a place of being natural and of appreciating what is natural to choose something else.โ
โSo creating nuclear plants are miscreations?โ I asked.
โYes.โ she responded. โYouโve taken knowledge and refused to turn it into wisdom. Youโve filled your brains, but left a void within your heart.โ
โMany see that not as their fault.โ I said. โThey see that they didnโt create the nuclear plant and donโt even want to see it sustained.โ
โThey can choose to see it that way if they want, but it wonโt be the whole truth. For the lesson is a collective lesson, not just for the individual to learn, but for a collective to share responsibility for.โ
โSo, what can I do?โ I asked
โTake knowledge and turn it into wisdom. Then you will, for your part, cease to be part of creating unloving fruits.โ she said.
โWhat does that mean?โ I asked.
โIt is not enough for you and mankind to carry ideas of representing love, light and wholeness. That is simply the act of carrying knowledge that has been given to you. You must also learn to transmute knowledge into wisdom and allow the wisdom you gain to teach you how to change the way you treat life. You must begin to care for what is greater than yourself and your own advancement while at the same time not taking it too seriously. You must begin to care for the advancement of the Earth Herself. She is waiting.โ
โWow, she is actually waiting?โ I asked.
โYes.โ answered the White Buffalo Calf Woman. โShe is waiting for the sons of daughters of Earth to understand who they are and what the truth is. She is waiting for you to understand who She is and what Her truth is.โ
โWhat is Her truth?โ I asked.
โHer truth is love, sweetness. Her truth is a sacred truth. In Her own way she is knowledge and wisdom combined. She can teach you the meaning of true beauty and miracles, but only if you let Her. So, she waits for mankind to let Her.โ
She continued, โHer truth is the One truth which many of you do not yet understand. So this makes your intentions honorable, but not necessarily wise.โ
โWhat does all of this have to do with Fukushima?โ I asked.
โIf you can collectively unite in ways that allow you to use knowledge that has been passed down to you wisely, there will be no more Fukushimas. And you will know how to heal the Earth of what has already been miscreated. You will know how to separate the path of knowledge from the path of wisdom.โ
She continued, โThe majority within the collective generally live split between thought and action, what is conscious and unconscious, and what is spiritual and what is lifestyle. This manifests in split intentions concerning what many of you within the spiritual community are attempting to accomplish; which is ultimately Love.โ
โI think itโs a question that we want to know love, but have never truly known it to know what it is or what it truly encompasses.โ I offered.
โTrue. It is a journey where you have to re-learn something you have long forgotten; and you have to learn it from scratch again.โ
The Lady Calf Woman continued, โWhat creates more of a challenge for youโthough not a bad challenge because you chose to experience these challengesโis that you are immersed in streams of consciousness that place a fog over your perceptions. Then, you have to find your way through this fog to arrive at the truth.โ
โTrue.โ I stated.
โYou are born into this fog and consciously remember nothing outside of it,โ said the White Buffalo Calf Woman, โSo, it becomes hard for you to grasp any other way to live, feel, think and breathe. But live, feel, think and breathe you must. For, you are all on an amazing journey to find completeness. And you will not find it without challenging some of the fog and more unconscious thoughts that you prefer to remain blind to. Until you are willing to see that the path of blindness is not the path of love, you will not know how to truly bring peace into your world. In such a case knowledge of love has been acquired butthe wisdom regarding how to make it a walk of life is still absent to a large degree.โ
โPeople think that we can just use our thoughts to heal the waters.โ I told her.
โAnd this is not without truthโ She stated. She then closed her eyes and looked deep in concentration. As I looked down at the water, it had become clean and pure and the lesions around our ankles were healed and removed.
โThatโs incredibleโ I told her. โI would like to have this ability.โ
โAll in time, my childโ she stated. โYou first have to pass the test of knowing the difference between knowledge and wisdom. You then have to be able to use wisdom to create love and trust. You have to be able to know why you are miscreating, so as to refrain from miscreating anything more. You have to know what you are truly thinking, asking for and why. Otherwise all your efforts will yield some form of result and yet be returned back to dust.โ
โSo what is the first step?โ I asked.
โThe first step is to pray. Sincerely pray to have more than knowledge. Pray to also have wisdom. Pray to be able to recognize your miscreations and why you miscreated them. And then pray to know how to use love to create something else, instead.โ
She continued โUse nature as your guide. She will speak to you about your miscreations and what wisdom can be applied. But you will only be able to hear her if you listen. You will only be able to love her if you can put aside your love for material things enough to feel an opening in your heart. For, she is your true treasure and the spark of holiness and life within herโthe spark of miracleโis part of what you are as well.โ
โThat all seems like it would be so simple, but it is difficult at the same time.โ I responded.
โYou donโt need to make it so confusing for yourself.โ She stated. โSimply be willing to recognize how your soul and Her soul are partners on this journey. Treat Her with respect. Care for her as your Mother, your elder, your teacher, your lover and your heart. For if you take the โhโ off of the word โheartโ and put it on the end of the word, you have the word โearth.โ It is not an accident that the words โheartโ and โearthโ are of the same numerological vibration.โ
โYes, I have heard that before.โ I said.
With this the White Buffalo Calf Woman took my hand and had me kneel down in the pure water with her. Using her hands as cups, she scooped some water and poured it over my head. She then stated, โYou have now been baptised in the purity of Nature. Keep Her waters pure. Encourage others to baptise themselves as well. For water is what your body is made of. It is the same substance that makes up the lakes, rivers and oceans of Mother Earth.โ
With that, she began to sing a prayer as we waded in the water together; a prayer to the east, a prayer to the west and to all other directions. Her last words to me were: โRemember the rainbow bridge. That bridge is your bridge home.โ
I asked my guides how to make sense of the rift and arguments currently occurring between two factions of spirituality. One faction focuses on inaction, feeling that this is a peaceful and loving path. It perceives that to give any attention to problems in the world is “negative” or focusing on “illusion.” The opposing faction believes in seeing everything clearly. It feels that the way to peace has to be established through overthrowing those structures in the world that keep us dependent or “slaves” to a corrupt “agenda.โ It is focused on action and revolution. This is the answer I received through automatic writing:
While humanity is abundant in knowledge, it is lacking wisdom. Wisdom, after all, is the ability to use knowledge wisely; which you will know when true wisdom has been applied from its fruits. Until humanity can perceive the fruits of its miscreative thoughts and behaviors, it will continue to miscreate[i] and produce unloving fruits.
This problem of miscreation occurs when individuals possess knowledge, but do not yet fully understand it inside their hearts. They only know it within their brains.
Think of it this way: if a person truly believed in transcendent love or in serving only what was “positive,” while rejecting what creates a “negative” or unloving effect, they would automatically cease to partake in what corrupts the world. This is because their mind would no longer comprehend any need to have fear. It would no longer have a need to serve a way of life that is polluting. Nor would it need to live a lie that has them walking a path between thoughts which manifest something loving in spirit and thoughts which manifest something ugly and unloving into the world of form. Many can’t see this yet, and this deserves compassion. It is merely out of misunderstanding that many of you and your brothers and sisters can only understand Love, Light and Oneness in a mental way while remaining addicted and attached to what destroys Love, Light and Oneness at the same time.
The ability to transcend this dilemma lies with bridging what you intellectually know [such as of concepts] through the wisdom of the Heart. Then, the path of love can be redefined as simply what produces loving fruits. All that produces unloving fruits must be defined as something else. Only then will the Mind, desiring to be in Loveโs service, know through the wisdom of the Heart what action is required: the act of ceasing to partake in what corrupts the world.
As for those individuals who feel the corruption and negative fruits of the world must be denied because they are “illusion,” the Wisdom of the Heart does not judge and merely sees such fruits as a form of miscreation that has manifested from unloving thoughts.
Beauty abides within,
Grace be to all.
[i] To โmiscreateโ is to manifest in material, emotional or spiritual ways that are not loving, peaceful, or respectful of life/living beings. โMiscreationsโ are creations that are the opposite of what we may truly intend to manifest (life, abundance, love, peace).
The โLove & Lightโ Focus
The โTruth & Awakeningโ Focus
Focused on peace, presence, and positive energy
Focused on exposing illusion, control, and deception
Avoids negativity, media, fear, or conflict
Often immersed in research, seeking hidden truths
Believes focusing on darkness feeds it
Believes ignoring it enables it
Practices compassion, prayer, meditation
Thinks if enough people awaken and assign blame there will be top-down change
Risks spiritual bypassing
Risks spiritual burnout or despair, especially when exposing truths doesn’t create top-down change.
Without a word, she takes my left hand within her right palm and leads me through a meadow to the bank of a river. She motions for me to sit down with her and I happily oblige.
In the trees nearby, the birds look down from their high branches and I can hear their pleasant tweeting amidst the sound of the rushing water as it streams by. A clear sky overhead, the sun casts its brilliant light upon the river; which its ripples appear to sparkle as they reflect the light.
The White Buffalo Calf Woman can see what has caught my attention. She watches my face with a pleased but curious glance. Then, she finally speaks; โSee how the sunlight sparkles upon the river, but never reaches too far below the surfaceโฆ its beauty can only go so deep. The story it would tell, if it had one, would be a happy tale, however. It would be a story of joyfully dancing and playing upon the water; having no real concerns at all.โ
โI never noticed that before.โ I responded.
โVery few do.โ she remarked.
We look upon the flickering light together and then she shared a perception; โThe world is advancing so very quickly in its process toward awakening. However, one must also remember that the collective mind-set has been trapped in darkness and powerlessness for a very long time. It is only now beginning to wake up and look for a new direction to turn.โ
Motioning toward the sparkling river she continued, โAt times, the only way you could see the light was if it caught your attention on the surfaceโฆ never reaching much deeper than this. Oh yes, that light made you feel unburdened, possessing a playful and innocent quality. However, when locked into the surface of anything, you can become stunted in your capacity for greater depth, understanding, and growth. Fortunately, the time has come where the lock can finally be released.โ
โWhat kind of lock was it? Was it created deliberately?โ I asked.
The white buffalo calf woman replied, โIt was created by unconsciousness, and such unconsciousness is capable of being woken from. As for your second question, everything can serve a purpose, even unconsciousness.โ
She then turned her gaze away from the water and took my hand and placed it inside of hers. With a more serious tone she spoke, โFor a very long time, mankind has felt a void withinโฆa state of unconsciousness regarding who he is. This left man continually trying to find a way to fill this void from without, only to have his efforts leave him feeling unfulfilled. Whenever a spiritual light began to emerge, it was played with in various ways, but could only ever offer a small taste of its magicโฆ a taste that could escape from the mind of mankind just as quickly as it could be happened upon. Men would then return to the harsh and structured ways of the world, while left with a feeling of longing in their soul for the Lightโs returnโฆโ
โThat is something I can definitely relate to.โ I said.
She then asked, โHave you noticed how such a feeling of longingness can feel particularly difficult to cope with during times the skies above become overcast with clouds? Many of you can fall into a deep depression and wonder if the clouds will ever part again. This keeps you longing for the sun in an external way or through external acts that keep you waiting. You are left with the subtle realization that this playful light can only behave in a superficial and temporary manner before your mind is drawn back to how dark your world has truly become.โ
โWhat else can we all do?โ I asked.
Placing her hand over her heart, the lady calf woman replied, โThe answer to that question lies with where you choose to find the spiritual light. For example, if you keep looking for a light to shine down upon you from heaven above, it blocks you from looking within your heart for the warmth of a different kind of sun that shines from heaven within.โ She continued, โLook for the sun which arises from the holy spark within you. This sun is also a Son of the Great Spirit; which if you cannot see it in yourself, you miss it everywhereโwithin the trees, within the grass, within the creatures that stir.โ
We both pause for a moment in order to observe all of the breathtaking beauty that surrounded us. Then, the buffalo calf woman picked up the conversation where it was left off. She stated, โThe next phase of the world will see a return to recognizing sacredness. For a long time, sacredness was lost when you would greet a person, a creature or a part of nature. Now the world can enter a new phase where the focus is not merely an attempt to use the natural world and its creatures solely as a means to create something lifeless or transitory to indulge in or worship. In place of this, you can come to greet and revere the natural worldโas your companion on your Earth journeyโthrough recognizing the holy spark you share.โ
With this, the White Buffalo Calf Woman looked down to the ground and shook her head. She stated, โIn the past, there has been no responsibilityโฆno accountabilityโฆโ
โIn what way do you mean?โ I asked.
She answered, โBecause many of you innocently played with the Light while looking for it externally through various forms of religion, doctrine, concepts of material abundance or other means, you could not see the Light where it truly was.ย This was neither right nor wrong, but a step in your development.ย But, a change is now beginning to stir within many of you. Many of you will begin to know the truth of who you are before long.โย Which, pointing to my heart with a smile upon her face she exclaimed, โItโs in you! It is within your blood, within your heart, within your lungs. It is within the song your life sings and dances to! It is in all you have formerly thrown away and took for granted.ย For, both you and mankind lost the way of sacred prayer and the knowledge of how to smoke my sacred pipe.ย But, such knowledge lost can be returned to you again; in a way which appreciates it in a new light.โ
โIs this what many of us are starting to do through focusing on love and light?โ I asked.
โA small taste. A small sweet taste.โ she answered.
Silence passed for a few moments between us, and then she began to speak again.
โRemember, love is like a mirror in which you can see a reflection. Love is reflected all around you; in the trees, in Nature, in your heart, and in one another. This mirror has been lost and shattered; replaced instead with a broken record that keeps spinning out the same tune over and over; a tune which has you feeling mesmerized and lost.โ
Asking her what she meant, she replied.โ Your ideas of love are all enabling and thrive on ideas of hopelessness. They are ideas of weakness instead of strength. Yes, Yes! Love is gentleness, but it is also power and strength! It is responsibility! It is sharing and caring! It is the life giver and it never seeks to ungratefully take another life!โ
โTo me, it makes sense that true love would treat everything as sacred.โ I said.
โYes! Yes! For, would not love protect its mother and the giver of its life?โ exclaimed the white buffalo calf woman. โWould not Love know that within Her lies the very spark of the Holiest of Holies; which this holiness lies within all living things and beings.โ
The lady calf woman continued,โ The mother who gave you life is One with the Mother of all natural life. It is this Mother of all natural life that is the giver of your motherโs life and your own; which She, Herself, first took form within the womb of a greater Mother. Yet, in many ways, she has been unintentionally abandoned and disownedโฆ this mother who shared with you and yours her great abundance. Man did not know any better, for to know better would be to know the beauty and holiness that exists first within the Self. Many of you have been unconscious for a very long time; which in order not to feel Mother Natureโs pain as your own, you taught yourselves not to feel for Her at all. Though, this will change. You are now beginning to experience that what seeds you sow for your Earth Mother reap a harvest that affects you as wellโฆโ
The lady calf woman then stood up and approached the nearest tree. One of the leaves she took within her fingers, and then she spoke,โ Man has not yet learned to even love one leaf upon one tree most days. This isnโt conscious or intentional. He simply doesnโt know better. It is comingโฆ it is coming as now an increasing number of Earth children are stepping forward to teach other men how to love one leaf upon one tree most days.โ
โBut man does love its offspring and family.โ I replied.
โMan currently loves the idea of romantic relationships, offspring and family. This is because man loves not to feel alone,โ said the white buffalo calf woman.โ If he truly knew what love was, then he would surely love his offspring and family. But, he will not love as long as he is lost in darkness and trying to find himself in the external. He has to first unlearn the teachings that falsely taught him that he has to compete for love. Because of this, he cannot find peace; he cannot find happiness. He has never learned to love himself. He was never truly given permission. He thinks he needs permission and for this permission he waits.โ
I asked her what could be done about this.โ Speak.โ she simply said.โ Donโt enable this lack of love any longer. Would you enable a child to wander into the busy traffic with no one to guide its path?โ
โBut people donโt want to listen.โ I responded.
โOf course they do not want to listen.โ she answered. โThey are afraid of being shown that what they thought was light was only mediocrity and what they thought was only mediocrity was light. But the light is coming, and the light is increasing; whether they like it or not.โ
She spoke again, โFor the sake of the Oneness experimentโin other words, for the sake of a Oneness experience which you call unity consciousnessโthose who know the truth must get past the fear of knowing it. If they know where love exists, then they must have the strength to show where to find this love; so that others can learn in order to join with it. When people conjoin in love, love then becomes strengthened.โ
โWhat if it is too late?โ I asked her.
โIt is never too late for love.โ She said. โNoโฆFor love is not about achieving any outcome. Love is justified through its expression alone.โ
She continued, โSeek to love. Seek to always be loving. But, love from a place within the heart that knows what love is and what love is not. Love from a place that knows where love is, and where to greet it. If you do not know what love is and where to find it, it is not hard to learn. Simply look around you, because the opportunity to see and learn is everywhere. Love is the language of Nature and the Universe. It endlessly speaks to us of its great love. But, learn first for yourself what love is. Listen to what it has to teach you, and then teach it.โ
โHow will we know what love is and what it is notโ I asked her.
โYou will know if you can separate yourself from the world and its consciousness enough to begin to see life and love from a perspective that is unclouded by popular beliefs, stories and thought forms. For, the world loves to be carried away in its own stories and beliefs. In getting carried away, however, the collective consciousness has become slightly infected. Neither this infection, nor the collective consciousness, represents the truth of who you are, however. Such an infection is only a story each person weaves while united in consciousness and thought with brothers and sisters who were taught to weave the same story.
She continued, โNature communicates everythingโฆit always has. Nature is part of the Universe which communicates everythingโฆ.and always has. Some of the beliefs that infect the collective consciousness arise from mankind, while other beliefs arise from other sources. So, you must separate yourself from the world for some time, even from what appears to be โlight.โ While separated from the world for a time, you can then learn the ways of sacred prayer and how to smoke the sacred pipe.โ
โWhat is the sacred pipe?โ I asked.
โI will save this discussion for another time.โ she stated, letting me know she would return to speak to me again.
At this point, the White Buffalo Calf Womanโs expression and demeanor changed. She approached the nearby tree and placed her hand upon its body. She then looked into its branches for the bluebird that was singing. With a playful grin on her face, she exclaimed to the bird, โSpread your joy little bluebird! For pure joy is what you are! And, when you spread your wings to fly, please carry on your wings my own joy. For such joy arises in the recognition of your sacred spark; the same sacred spark which lovingly gave birth to all of Creation.
Then, she turned around to speak to me once more; this time with a grin upon her face. She informed, โDespite all that I have said, remind yourself never to forget to play. There is always time for it. If you watch little children, they know how to play. They know how to play with nothing man made, and they rarely focus upon an outcomeโฆโ
She continued, โPlay like the light that dances on the water, but go deeper. Bring light forth from your internal sun as well. Let that light greet everyone, not just of human form, but of animal and plant as wellโฆโ
And with this the lady calf woman began to sing a song; she sang a song of prayer to the east, to the west, and all directions. Then, the white buffalo calf woman merged into the tree and I was left standing by the river alone. Amidst the sound of the water rushing by and the birds chirping, I could hear one last faint whisperโฆ โI will be back,โ it said. โRemember, we are One.โ
Exert yourself, O holy man! Cut off the stream (of craving), and discard sense desires. Knowing the destruction of all the conditioned things, become, O holy man, the knower of the Uncreated (Nibbana)! – Siddhartha Gautama Buddha
In the last chapter, I discussed the Law of Attraction in a very personal sense as it relates to dreaming the personal dream of life. I had actually been planning to write a book a few years ago about my feeling that the prevailing understanding of the Law of Attraction is incomplete. I am glad that I waited, because I had not yet grasped that there existed a whole other dimension of thought and manifestation that I had never before considered.
An 2011 Reading
It was not until I was asked to provide a world reading for a 2011 New Yearโs Eve radio show that an alternative way to view our abundance driven lifestyles unexpectedly revealed itself. And, I refrained from voicing on the radio what I saw, needing time to process it all. This was in large part due to the fact that the main message of the reading seemed to challenge the rationality of some of our popular abundance centered philosophies.
A sample from the reading follows (Peterson, 2012b):
The message was very direct, that the wheel of fortune was reversed and stuck in that position. The core of what I remember seeing is that we are stuck and not changing in ways that we are really being called to change. There were cards of refusing to change, being stuck, addicted, codependent, and similar โstuckโ themes. Many cards were indicating that what we are being called to change is our materialistic lifestyles, our greed, and our perversions of nature. The main message for 2011 was that we were stuck, and many of us likely were not going to change in the ways we were going to be called. There is potential, though, because I kept drawing the card, โA choice will be made for you, if you do not make one for yourself.โ The other cards forewarned that โan unexpected change will be occurring, when or how remains uncertain.โ
While the reading revealed aspects about humanity that seemed harsh, what seemed even harsher was the outcome that was potentially coming into form via the card, โA choice will be made for you, if you do not make one for yourself.โ I do not believe the reading was meant to judge or frighten anyone. Its true intent, I feel, was merely to bear witness to what was going on within our collective mind-set, and to reveal what that mind-set was manifesting and whyโand that we do have choice.
Part of the reading relayed that a few disasters were in store for 2011; which, indeed, by March of that year the world saw Japan devastated by a tsunami, and deadly tornadoes tore through the United States shortly after. Even as events themselves drew closer, Spirit was revealing to me within my dreams how these happenings were not only symbolic, but manifested from various patterns of lifestyle, thought, and energy.
Conditioning Blocks Awareness Which Then Impacts Manifestation through Influencing Our Thoughts and Desires
What I had never realized before was how much I was blocking my own awareness of truth by going along with being conditioned (like much of the world is) to perceive the larger problems of the world as an โus-against-themโ situation. And, by using the word them I am referring to various parental constructs, governments, institutions, power providers, and etc.
Seeing problems in this way, it makes sense that I would have to project what was, in part, my responsibility onto something outside of me. So, like many others, I carried the unchallenged belief that something or someone external should take responsibility for and fix many of the increasing number of issues within the world. Then, when this huge change in my perception took place, I could no longer see the same issues in the same light.
Once I glimpsed this bigger pictureโone in which I had a share in the responsibilities of this planet and its problemsโit started triggering further realizations. It was like a domino effect. Part of me struggled for a while with how to deal with this change in my perception that was taking place. I had been part of the whole movement that believed, โlife is all illusion, so what is manifested, be it earth changes or anything else, does not matter.โ While this will always be true, certain angelic beings were telling me repeatedly, and even within my dreams at night, that we are gifted with โchoice;โ ultimately to choose what to serve: love or fear, the whole or the self, awareness or denial, etc.
Free Will’s Role in Choice, Desire, and Manifestation
At the same time, it became clearer that the path of blame and of running away from the compounding problems that were manifesting in our world was the path of fear rather than love. As I kept digging and asking questions, I realized that we are reaping what we sow through our own free will. Not only this, but our free will has in way lost its freedom. How so? Our free will has become so trapped in fear-based patterns of thinking and choosing that it is becoming more increasingly difficult for us to believe it is even possible to think or make choices in any other way.
What I started to realize was that free will has been gifted to us out of the highest love of our Creator. It is also the impetus behind our eternal and subconscious drive to come to know ourselves as this Creatorโs reflection. Many of us, I feel, unconsciously seek to become this reflection through the work of our hands, minds, and actions; which at the end of the day, these works can either reflect something that is life-giving or anti-life.
For example, notice how the word evil is the word live spelled backwards. Consider, then, that blasphemy may merely reflect a choice to scorn life, rather than to protect, revere and foster it. This โlifeโ does not simply pertain to our daily living, either. It encompasses the miracle and holiness that lives within all living things and beings. It is this miracle of life which has been imbued with our Creatorโs breath and ignited into living form through his great love. It is this natural abundance and treasure that our thoughts unconsciously undervalue while giving value to the lifeless and transitory. Why? Because we have lost the ability to cherish the original lotus seed we were born from. Instead, we live a life that is depressed and muddy. We have lost grasp of the miracle, and can only perceive abundance through using our will and manifestation abilities toward the creation of money and lifeless commodities.
Using the Fruits That Manifest in Our World To Decode Higher Truths and Shape More Wholesome Desires
I now believe that an opportunity to make a free will choice between serving the true life or the false anti-life is a prime reason why many of us incarnated during these amazing times. Due to the incredible fruits being sown in the world, we have the chance, unlike generations prior, to use the environment and world scale events as a way to see where we have gone astray in our thinking. We can use this time period to understand that we not only have personal karma to fulfill, but a responsibility to the collective and to the earth. Of the various lessons that are available for us to learn, we can choose to learn peace, we can choose to learn to wake up to our illusions, we can choose to learn how to bring balance back to our dream of form, and we can choose to come to embrace that we are part of a collective consciousness experience as well. But to do this, we must first understand what is meant by the term collective consciousness; we must understand how our thoughts may not necessarily be just our own but a reflection of a greater whole.
Here is where we get to the meat of this discussion.
Individual versus Collective Streams of Consciousness
What is a good definition of collective consciousness? I see it as a level of thought that extends beyond our personal thought level, of which our personal thought level can both be affected by various streams of collective consciousness as well as contribute to them.
If we can step back and contemplate a bigger picture concerning our thoughts and how they are intertwined with the consciousness of a collective, we may be able to view them as existing within a system of streams (visualizing these streams as encompassing different branches of collective thinking, patterning and belief). We can then visualize how there exists one large stream with smaller and smaller tributaries running from, into or within the larger streams. Some may cross over into other streams, take multiple pathways, etc. Though, when it comes to thought, its streams might not be as clear cut as those streams we view within nature.
In my perception, the biggest streams are those which involve our beliefs concerning life in general, such as that we are human and have basic needs for survival. Tributaries may form which encompass the beliefs of different cultures, norms, groups, religions, etc. Even these tributaries, may have smaller streams within them or branching from them, and so on and so forth; each reflecting more and more individualized and independent streams of thinking. Our individual consciousness is only one tiny stream that flows among many other streams to form a larger one.
The Two Levels At Which Manifestation Can Occur
To add a twist to this, in the same way that there are various streams of consciousness, there is more than one level which manifestation can occur. For the purpose of simplicity, we could categorize two main levels:
Personal Manifestation: creates fruits within oneโs personal sphere of experience. Such fruits affect oneโs personal/individual dream of life.
Collective Manifestation: creates fruits within a larger sphere, such as on a collective or world scale. Such fruits affect a bigger picture that goes beyond the individual level of experience. There may be a collective consciousness of the entire world, as well as sub-collectives (i.e. the sub-streams and tributaries), representing cultures, countries, areas, groups, etc.
If we can also take into account beings such as angels, guides, discarnates, or inhabitants of other realms and worlds and their belief systems, then there is even the possibility that nonhuman dimensions of consciousness and/or manifestation can have an effect upon the earth, or influence our individual or collective consciousness.
The Three Different Levels of Consciousness
Even the two main levels of manifestation mentioned aboveโpersonal and collectiveโmay be affected by different levels of consciousness:
Subconscious
Conscious
superconscious
If we can visualize these different levels as they pertain to streams of consciousness, we may find that the most stable and purest stream is the superconscious; of which our individual superconscious is our lotus nature, and our collective superconscious is a pond which is pure, immaculate, and free of mud or algae. The superconscious stream is the part of us that I see as fully awake, even if in our human form we are not conscious of it.
While our higher thoughts spring from these superconscious streams, our ego-based thoughts originate from the conscious and subconscious streams. These streams represent the illusions that make up our dream of life and all the stories it weaves and tells. I think part of our incarnated purpose is to find our way back to the superconscious stream, individually and collectively.
Furthermore, while the superconscious stream can never be polluted by the other streams of consciousness, the conscious and unconscious streams can become more purified and aligned with the superconsciousโthrough realizing we are the superconscious. This said, we are all living an experience as part of a multi-dimensional stream of consciousness. Within such an experience, the dualities and pollution only appear real, until we find our way back into alignment with the superconscious stream. Once doing so, we will not need to create various forms of emotional, physical, mental, psychic or spiritual pollution anymore.
What Really Constitutes Thought?
Not only do we have multiple levels of consciousness, we also have different carriers of consciousness vibration. Such carriers carry the energy and make it real by expressing it into the world of form.
In the Bible, it was the word becoming real, which when our will and intention are strong and unwaveringโwhile supported by the knowledge of who we truly areโmanifestation can happen that straightforwardly. However, I believe that there are forms of consciousness that are capable of manifesting, which the carriers of such consciousness can go beyond words. There are, after all, many different forms of thought, communication, and language that can be expressed all at once, and many do not involve language thoughts (thoughts composed of words).
So, what are some of these carriers of thought?
willful prayers, intentions, and desires
emotions
visualizations (intentional or subliminal)
conscious or unconscious wants, desires, hopes, dreams, beliefs
actions or inactions (arise out of thoughts, wants, desires, hopes, intentions, etc.)
lifestyles, habits, conditioning, addictions (arise out of various forms of thought and beliefs, whether conscious or not, sometimes operating on autopilot)
energy and vibrations
Again, many of these can be considered as existing at an individual level of expression, or as part of a collective level of expression (i.e. where a group of people act as carriers for the same thought consciousness).
What Happens When Thoughts Contradict One Another Or Are Empathically โTaken On?โ
Not every thought we have will manifest concretely. Additionally, different thoughts and intentions can contradict one another, even at a core level. I realized this one day when I saw a psychic while seeking to be released from various forms of suffering. He explained to me that I had two intentions that opposed one another. One was conscious and the other was unconscious. According to this psychic, not only did this frustrate me, but it manifested neutrality concerning what I consciously wanted to achieve.
As it turned out, I even had thoughts that were not my own that I had taken on from others around me in my personal environment.6 Yes, this is a form of thought as well; as is picking them up from the general collective consciousness.7 I had accepted a certain stream of consciousness, and it became part of my own energy, vibration, intentions, behavior, and language. Whether a person does or does not end up taking on another individualโs thought forms is largely dependent on their own thought level and susceptibility.
Many of us take for granted how truly sensitive we are at a vibrational level. Most healers understand that we can even forcefully project thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and other vibrational energy onto others. Such transfers of thought energy, when unloving, are often labeled as psychic attacks, curses, voodoo or spells. Such transfers of thought energy, when loving, are often labeled as prayer or healing. Through such prayer or healing, energy (a carrier of thought vibration), can be directed into another personโs energy field to help them with their own thoughts, or to help them to balance their energy or vibrations (since thought and belief is believed to be at its core a form of vibration/energy).
Other Carriers of Consciousness that Impact Our Own
Additionally, some of us even use homeopathic medicines, flower essences, and other vibrational medicines which carry the consciousness vibrations of various plants, crystals, animals, music, etc. These vibrational energies become integrated into the energy field of the person who uses and accepts them. We are also sensitive to the positions of the planets, and to the moon and tides. Some people with earth empathy may sense Mother Earth and her consciousness, energetic shifts or imbalances. Other individuals may be sensitive to animal consciousness, or that of cherished pets. And, as I suggested earlier in this chapter, it is even possible to have our thoughts or consciousness affected by nonphysical beings such as angels, guides, departed ones, extraterrestrials, etc.
The truth is, many of us subliminally take on thoughts and beliefs that are not our own all the time. It is by choice though. We do have free will and cannot attract anything unwillingly or which does not resonate with our energy and belief systems on some level.
The most common way we subliminally and willingly take on thoughts is through general streams of collective consciousness that linger around us and influence us more than we may realize. We take them on from television, movies, books, advertisements, magazines, culture, governments, and religions. We take them on from anything that tries to impress upon us who we are, what we want, how we should feel about ourselves, what we should look like, what we should believe in, what we should buy or sell, and the list goes on. While embarking on cleansing programs to vigilantly โclearโ ourselves of beliefs is not necessary (see chapter 9), finding a way back to Self does involve weeding through all these thoughts and beliefs (through becoming the detached observer) in order to find who we are, who we are not, and what thoughts are in true alignment with the energy that we truly, and on all levels, wish to carry into our world.
How to Tell What You Are Thinking & If It Is Aligned With Truth
A fool who knows his foolishness is wise at least to that extent, but a fool who thinks himself wise is a fool indeed. Ill done is that action of doing which one repents later, and the fruit of which one, weeping, reaps with tears. Well done is that action of doing which one repents not later, and the fruit of which one reaps with delight and happiness. So long as an evil deed has not ripened, the fool thinks it as sweet as honey. But when the evil deed ripens, the fool comes to grief. -Siddhartha Gautama Buddha
There is a reason the Bible and Buddha preached to us about the fruits of our actions and prophecy. As taught within the bible, we will be able to distinguish the true prophet of God from the false prophet according to the fruits of each prophetโs teachings (i.e. the effects of our seeds or beliefs). This may sound judgmental, but it simply means the true prophet is the one who speaks in service to Spirit rather than to the split or to the world. Today, there are many spiritual people who still serve the world. And, that service does yield the fruits of ecological imbalance, as well as bondage to systems, structures, forms, and other manifestations that have nothing to do with who we truly are. They are illusions. We do not necessarily need to fight them, master them, or change them. We merely let them reveal themselves to us for what they truly are: illusions.
Because all manifestation in the world is rooted in thought, we can use the world to decipher what our own thoughts and beliefs are, both on the collective subconscious and conscious level, as well as the individual level. As we discussed in the chapter on the Law of Attraction, we can use the symbolism within the world to locate even some of the subconscious thoughts of the collective that may be influencing us.
To begin this process, we can start to look at the problems of the collective world (i.e. the fruits of false prophecy) while connecting these problems to certain ways mankind is behaving. Once able to do this, we can then connect these behaviors to the thoughts and beliefs that lay underneath (as well as what streams of consciousness are promoting such beliefs). Then, we may be able to see where prophecy (i.e. guidance concerning how to live spiritually or otherwise) may have become misaligned. We may also begin to see how this misalignment process happened. Sometimes, when examining issues this way, we may find multi-levels of thoughts and beliefs all working toward various forms of misaligned manifestations. We may also find that some beliefs and systems we went along with without questioning are the ones that are leading to the disharmonious fruits in the world.
Yes, our wholeness exists, but our earth being-ness may not yet know this at a human level. It is still acting out themes that are self-undoing (see glossary) within its dreaming. This is not to say that this is โwrongโ or that we need to feel bad. We are simply having a consciousness experience, in which our consciousness is capable of growing, learning, and evolving.
In chapters 5 and 6, we look at how certain collective thought processes are affecting us on an individual and societal level.
[6] For those readers who will not know what I mean when I use the term โtaken onโ or “picking up,” these are common terms used in new age circles and various energy healing modalities. Another word used is โsponging.โ It reflects the belief that we can be affected by other peoples thoughts, prayer and energy through a process called โempathic spongingโ where one literally takes on(take into their own experience, beliefs and energy field) the thoughts, symptoms, feelings, or vibrations of other individuals, collectives, or earth Herself.
Seductive Withholders: Their On-and-Off Patterns of Coming Close and Backing Away
Like romance addicts, seductive withholders are a form of what Susan Peabody calls Ambivalent Love Addict. Her work Addiction to Unrequited Love explores these patterns of craving intimacy while simultaneously fearing it.
Ambivalent love-addicts often keep love at a surface level to protect themselves from deeper connection.
What Is a Seductive Withholder?
Among various types of ambivalent love-addicts, there are:
Torchbearers: Attracted to unrequited love.
Saboteurs: End relationships once things get real.
Romance Addicts: Cycle through partners, avoiding commitment.
Seductive Withholders: Alternate between closeness and withdrawal, offering affection, then retreating.
A seductive withholder could have romance addiction, but not always. They are also similar to a saboteur. However, while a saboteur leaves for good, a seductive withholder keeps circling back. They might start an emotional connection โฆ but once things deepen they pull away.
Two Core Types: Narcissistic vs. Fear-Based
Narcissistic Withholders use seduction and withdrawal as a game. They manipulate emotions, avoid intimacy, lack empathy. They might disappear into their own world, only to reappear when it suits them. The opportunity to re-seduce someone they abandoned is part of a game for them.
Fear-Based Withholders, though equally erratic, are motivated by fear of rejection or emotional overwhelm. They may genuinely care, but their coping strategy is avoidance, so they can’t resist the urge to run. I will often try to talk clients out of running, and intellectually know not to, but when I next hear from them, they couldn’t help it, and now they they’ve run, they tell me, โIโm scared. I donโt think heโll take me back this time.โ
Why They Return โ and Why We Stay
For the fear-based seductive withholder, returning can feel safer than being alone or moving on. They also sometimes have a fear of rejection, so the fear of their partner simply accepting the break-up and moving on can trigger anxiety. The chase and return cycle becomes familiar, offering emotional high points and safety nets.
For the narcissistic type, itโs about control, validation, and the thrill of chase and power. Alternatively, you could be one of a string of girls which are randomly rotated, without much thought to it.
Either way, the partner often stays because they hope that this time things will change. But change rarely comes, unless deep internal work is done (also see the article “Are You in a Relationship with Unpredictable Rewards” here >>)
I recommend to my clients that if they are with a fear-based seductive withholder and they really love them and don’t want to move on, to not punish their love interest for running. Each time a love interest runs out of insecurity, they can feel intense embarrassment or shame returning, and if they do it frequently, they can start to feel hopeless or like they should stop trying (to avoid pain and embarrassment for both parties). Helping your love interest understand that you get it, and if they run, they can trust to come back around they can. It’s like adopting a pet from a shelter who has been abused and providing a safe place for someone to run and approach, without punishment or force can help the issue.
Sub-Types or Other Types You Should Know About
The Tester
The tester can test their partner through withdrawing from the relationship when they feel insecure, to see if there is a reaction, if their love interest cares, or if they will be chased. This could be a sign they are in a relationship that isn’t meeting their needs or they don’t feel appreciated or cherished.
The Renewer
The renewer ends things when the โhighโ phases fade, returning to recreate the high. This type can be either narcissistic or fear-based. They can be a player who feels bored or is avoiding deeper attachment and leaves to come back around when the pressure is off or a lover is excited to hear from them again.
The fear-based type can feel anxiety when a relationship moves into a more settled phase. They might assume they are less cared for or are empathic and feel the energy is less intense. When they leave and come back, usually it recreates intensity of a reunion, bringing back a high in their partner that makes them feel safe and cherished.
The Fixer-Upper
The fixer upper often picks a partner who they can feel superior to or they feel is beneath them or doesn’t meet their needs. Withdrawal is often used as a form of punishment, to try to change the partner. They either come back around if their partner agrees to change, or they feel anxiety that their their partner isn’t chasing them back, so they return, and the cycle repeats.
Often the fixer-upper doesn’t really value their love interest. They look down on them. It would be better if they felt secure enough to attract someone more equal to them. To do so, they have to let go of the need to be superior as a way to feel more secure and less anxious in a relationship.
The Ashamed Abuser
This subtype runs because they feel unworthy or afraid of hurting their partner. They could have real issues with their temper, cheating, or addictions, or they could care about their love interest but can’t commit or don’t want to string them along. The thought of hurting their love interests drives them to break up. If their lover chases them to renew the relationship, it helps to ease their shame or anxiety, indicating that it was the love interests choice to accept them or move on.
The Commitment-Phobe or Confrontation-Avoidant
Some commitment phobes consciously or unconciously seek to run from a relationship when things get close or certain ultimatums or conversations seem on the horizon. They can either run away in a direct manner, or attempt to provoke their partner to do the running (pushing them away). Cheaters can do this as well. They can push a partner away as justification to cheat. They, then, become renewers who return again, and the cycle repeats
Each subtype holds its own risks and pointers to deeper issues.
What If Both Partners Are Ambivalent?
When two ambivalent types pair up, the relationship can survive on revolving patterns of push-and-pull, but it rarely stabilizes. If you suspect youโre in this loop, and you are the one running away, stop breaking up for now and observe what happens when you hold space. If your partner runs, then be patient, and sit back to see if they come around.
Key Advice & Healing Steps
Recognize the pattern, not just the person.
Work on grounding rather than chasing high drama.
Set boundaries. Avoid being drawn back into the seduction-withdrawal cycle.
Consider therapy or coaching if fearโbased withholder patterns dominate.
Visualize a relationship that feels safe, consistent, loving, and not just intense and chaotic.
If abuse or infidelity is present and the partner refuses to change, the healthiest choice may be to leave.
Conclusion
Seductive withholders can be charismatic and captivating, but they often keep their love interest in limbo. If you recognize this pattern in yourself or a love interest, itโs not about blame. Itโs about healing.
If you are feeling pain over being with the damaging type of seductive withholder, take a pause and ask why you are hanging in. Are you afraid of loneliness? Do you have past traumas that keep you tolerating abuse? Consider choosing someone who doesnโt keep you guessing. Choose someone who chooses you.
The truth is: everyone deserves a relationship where safety, consistency, and mutual respect are the foundation. If this isn’t the truth you are living, start asking why.
I have never before really wanted to say anything, nor put myself out there in certain โpredictiveโ ways, because Iโve never really been someone to predict world events before. Reading in this manner makes me uncomfortable. I also donโt believe outcomes are written in stone. So, in speaking about changes potentially coming or which are needing to be made, I had to think about how to present all this. I do believe information intuited can be used as a warning. We are not all fated to events, but in many ways have choice.
2010 New Years Even Radio Show
In 2010, I was invited on a radio show to give New Year’s prediction for 2011, and I refused to go on. I told the host that I was seeing some very ‘negative’ things. I didnโt know how to process it to feel confident saying anything on air. However, now that certain events have already transpired, I feel I should put forward the message in the way it was originally received. So please, take for yourself what feels right for you and ignore what doesnโt.
Wheel of Fortune Reversed and Stuck in that Position
The message was very direct: that the wheel of fortune was reversed and stuck in that position. The core of what I remember seeing is that we are stuck and not changing in ways that we are being called to change. There were cards of refusing to change, being stuck, addicted, codependent, and similar ‘stuck’ themes.
Many cards were indicating that what we are being called to change is our materialistic lifestyles, our greed, and our perversions of nature. But, the warning was that we were stuck and many of us likely were not going to change in the ways we were called to. There is potential though because I kept drawing the card, “A choice will be made for you, if you do not make one for yourself.” The other cards pointed to “an unexpected change will be occurring, when or how remains uncertain.”
Natural Disasters
We’ve suffered two extreme devastations in less than a year. We have also seen tornadoes go through the United States unlike ever before. Yet, life continued on like normal as if nothing happened. We all need that denial because it keeps us feeling safe. We could see the call in such events, but such a call becomes displaced by philosophies which tell us that denial is the only way to survive.
Just Be Love n Light
Others think the answer is to simply ‘love’ and to again enter a state of denial. But the message Iโm getting is that yes, we are always safe in spirit whose message is always to remain centered and loving in the eye of the hurricane, but we are also here to learn, grow and to find our way back to source. All this happens around us to help us to find a truly loving bond not just with our own source energy, but with the loving energy of creation around us… in true honor, awe and respect for it. All of this, if we allow it, can help us see what needs to be done. Yes, we can connect with our inner self and the core of love within. But, we can also let it help us change our lifestyles and connect in new and miraculous ways to everything outside of us.
Doing Away With Blame and Taking Responsibility for our Dependencies
The message I received is not one of blame, but of individual change. It’s not the forces, the illuminati, nature, or anything else outside of us that is creating all of the unbalance around us. It is our lifestyles, addictions and dependencies.
Many of us are also waiting for a ‘Venus project’, ascension or something external to offer a solution. But, the message is look within. Stop waiting on anyone else or anything else manifest the way out. We are supposed to learn during these times how we have created the very reality we live in, on both the individual and collective level of our experience. We have chosen to be here, in this time period. We have the opportunity to learn how to take our power back, through being able to see how many ways we have given it away, and in many cases created complete dependencies.
We are likewise being called to give up quick-fixes and ways of wanting an easy way out. For example: some of the external structures, institutions, entities or beings that we may overly rely on (for the purpose of creating more ease and simplicity within our lives) may include those which do not always have spiritual or loving intentions towards life or Earth. Some may be engaged in deception.
Most of us already are aware, on some level, that certain corporations come about to satisfy whims and desires that we collectively put out there. So many more new corporations are emerging as time goes on, not all of them possessing ethical, honest or ecological intentions. However, instead of blaming what has been created within the world, we are asked to recognize choice: choosing whether we will plug into a certain level collective consciousness at this time, or whether we are going to unplug and release ourselves. Choosing whether we are going to be part of a demand for an old life, or whether we wish to be part of a demand for a new type of world that can come into form.
The Law of Supply and Demand
We are meant to understand during these times that, in the same way that exists a Law of Attraction, there also exists a Law of Supply and Demand. This latter law controls what corporations, individuals, and energies gain the most power or influence.
This law demonstrates that, we, the public, are not helpless. There is no real or valid excuse for our being overly complacent or defeatist. The core of the message I received pertained to mankind becoming too complacent. We are meant to embark upon the next phase of of our spiritual growth and change, which includes examining certain societal addictions, dysfunctionalism, co-dependencies, and lifestyles which all emerge from our unconscious thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and our world.
The Abuse of Power
Yes, there is power being abused in the world. We are being shown an illusion where governments and other forces, seemingly outside of us, more frequently abuse power because we continue to give it away. But, trust that the outer is mirroring the inner: the problem is coming from within.
What is being created in many ways is based upon the collective demands of a world that has become dysfunctional in a multitude of ways. Examining the fruits of what has manifested, and what continues to manifest within our ecosystem and in other ways, displays this clearly. However, we are so used to the dysfunction it may be difficult noticed unless we are willing to look upon the world from a higher and more collective perspective.
Enlightenment Has Not Yet Shifted Us Beyond a Survival Consciousness
Despite increasing in awareness, we collectively still tend to operate within the level of the lower vibrational animal / survival consciousness that uses the earth for its primal needs and unconsciously destroys it. Knowing this, there is the opportunity for to become more human or “humane”. We can choose to move out of a more survival based consciousness into one which we choose to align our energies with nature and with one another in peaceful and love-fostering ways. Humankind is achieving this in steps. And, we can further open up and realize that, in the end, there is no true duality, no ‘good’ or ‘bad’, no ‘success’ or ‘failure’, just our united dreaming of a story where we become more in touch with a part of us that remembers what God, Love, and Truth really is.
Processing Our Emotions
Within the reading, the message was not about fear, but about love. We are not asked to deny any feelings, either. Within our process toward self-realization, we are not meant to, nor do we need to, shut any part of ourselves down. We are here to have compassion for and to love those parts of us we would run away from. We are meant to move through our feelings in ways that will help us to get to the other side. If we tell ourselves that we are not allowed to have our feelings, even negative ones, then we get stuck in what we are meant to process through.
Look at the World Through Eyes of Love but Without Denial
If we tell ourselves we can’t look at what we have collectively created within our world, we might get stuck in denial, unable to process our experiences and emotions. Know that it is safe to look upon anything. It is safe to feel emotions. If it helps, view everything occurring as if it is arising from a dream. There is no need to hold judgment towards the dream we are dreaming, the human condition, or our human feelings. If we make those parts of us ‘wrong’, then unconditional love cannot touch it with its healing and transformative energy.
Smashing Mirrors
Many clients I talk to have felt a huge push to resolve things with people from their past. This is all part of the process… coming back to purity, truth, and wholeness while realizing all the ways we have set ourselves up and searched for meaning only to still feel a void within.
A psychic friend said her guides called it a process of ‘smashing mirrors.’ This is happening.
For those who are awakening, certain certainties that we thought we could rely on are going to be smashed in front of our eyes. Many of us will start to realize how they made no sense. But the outcome will be an understanding how we create everything and create it together, through being part of a ‘collective consciousness’.
Mother Earth is both part of and affected by our collective consciousness (and we are in turn affected by her). Even those who may have honored her are going to realize the un-thought of ways in they contributed to harm. In the end, it is all about the self and a mirroring of what needs to be brought closer to source.
A New Reality Emerging
Yes, there is going to be a new reality that we eventually shift into. We are being called to change. We are being called, not to wait for the change to be brought from outside of us, but to bring it from within. This is an amazing time where we can free ourselves from dependencies, become our own master and guru, become freer, more connected to the planet, to love self and others, and to realize what true abundance really is.
Many of us have been learning about manifestation but approaching it in a way which brings internal conflict between two sets of energies. We have been trying to be part of the new energy while clinging to the old.
Think of it as the world is echoing a giant call for change against a collective consciousness that fears it and wants to stay the same. We have an overpowering fear of changing beliefs and lifestyles. As a result it is only natural that this could manifest through an expression of a conflict in energy. The energy has to express itself in some way. However the energy manifests, we can let the world and its symbols speak to us about how to bring everything back into balance. The more we understand this, the more we will know that in whatever happens we are safe.
Issues With ‘Power’
Many of us are beginning to awaken to our issues with power (both the leadership kind and the type we see as fuel) and our passivity in resolving these issues. Not that this is something to judge, but a reflection of both our current level of awareness as well as what we are manifesting with our energies. Our dependency upon self-defeating power sources is symbolic ofย where we have given our power away to external sources of authoritative power and control which may be toxic to ourselves and to our planet.
Anything we, as individuals, can do to get off the grid and locate alternative forms of power that leave us less dependent on systems that abuse power helps us to progress as a collective. The less dependent we are on having to rely on something outside of ourselves, the better off we will feel and the less defeatist and helpless we will be. Otherwise, we will continue to see change and the collapse of certain structures and ways living and perceive this as something to fear. We need to understand that if this happens, such a collapse is not ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ but reveals how we have given our power away and become too dependent, unable to live in balance or understand how to honor energy (symbolically or literally with our body and that of the planet).
Yang Energy
On the night of April 26th, 2011 I had a dream. In this dream, I was in the living room of a house not my own and looking out a huge window. There was wind rushing all around. It was as if I was in the eye of a tornado. While wondering within myself why there was so much wind, an angel appeared. He had only one thing to say; ‘The world has become too yang, too focused on conquest and producing.’ Then he disappeared.
The angel hadn’t made such a declaration in a judgmental way. He simply answered my question as if making an unbiased statement about energy in general. Upon awakening, I had to look up the words yin and yang to see what both really referred to. I would simultaneously learn about the tornadoes moving through the states. But, I did notice something that made me see nature and her activity in a way I never had before.
‘Yin’ represents the water element and ‘yang’ represents the fire element. Yin is the receptive, nurturing, intuitive and resting energy, while yang is about action, conquest, drive and creativity. If we look at the major disasters that have happened in the world, they have been very ‘Yang’.
Yang energy can also represent how we feel energetically sped up at a collective level. We are racing to accomplish many things, engaged in over-activity and over-doing, and becoming very scattered and ungrounded. And, if we look at the rest of what is conveyed through nature, something is out of balance. What is happening in the main ‘body’ of the collective seems to be projected onto the body of the planet: over-active energy field, anxiety, stress, burn out, exhaustion, conflict, etc. All of these are the result of too much yang energy.
The Need for Balance
We can allow ourselves to balance these overly yang energies through bringing in more awareness when we are out of balance. When overly yang, we can focus on bringing in what is yin. We can allow ourselves to rest and integrate new energies coming in instead of being ‘go, go, go’ all the time. The ‘go, go, go’ needs to be considered part of an old way of living that we can leave behind with an old polluted world and its polluted ways of thinking and being. The new way of living will be one of Peace. Even if we end up manifesting an external collapse of everything we cling to in order to bring it about.
If we can allow ourselves to step outside of our personal level of experience in order to see a bigger picture (or if we should burn out, forcing us to re-evaluate), we may notice that western society is not very tolerant of rest. If we look at how the collective majority behaves in society, we are very yang. “Rest” is almost a dirty word. There simply is no time or patience for it. One has to be out conquering the world, producing something, making money, working, doing, having, wanting and everything else and these are all termed “success”. When one cannot or does not wish to keep up with this programming (based in illusion), the “failure” label starts to be applied. Other words like “lazy”, “floundering,” etc.
Breaking Free of Illusions and Conditioning
If we can break from our illusions concerning what mankind has been taught to idolize or obey without question, we can then become more aware of how many of us within the Western world have fallen into a mode of receiving worth through being a “human doing” rather than a “human being”. Many of us may even suffer from stress related conditions and exhaustion, which if severe enough is something that can force us to rest–and become more yin in order to recharge. Energy is received through rest and becoming more yin. Energy is given through expressing it outward and becoming more yang.
Dealing with Exhaustion
Exhaustion results when, like a battery, we are low on energy from giving too much of it away without taking enough time to be still and to recharge. This “giving away of energy” can be caused by too much thinking, worry, physical labor, strain, efforts etc. Once exhausted, an individual can end up misdiagnosed as ‘depressed’; as if needing to go inward at times is a sort of disorder. Perhaps a few of those who are diagnosed as such are not even depressed. Possibly they instinctively feel and know something is missing from their lives; lives spent in external striving toward what may never really allow many of us feel complete. Yet, the world keeps telling us to go, go, go , do do, do, have have, have till some of us may feel the futility of it all, feeling our life has become hollow or amiss.
Yin = The Divine Feminine
The best thing we can do right now to help balance out Earth’s energies is to learn about the yin side of energy and balance it with the yang. This does not mean yang is ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’. It simply means that we have become out of balance. If Mother Nature should need to come in for us, she will lovingly restore that balance if she has to, but our energy is creating it, the same way it is creating it within our bodies. When a body burns out from overusing yang forces, it then needs to go into a yin state of relaxation to recharge and replenish so it can be yang once more. Those who have more energy replenishes if this happens, and other ways of living and being will likely fair better than those who do not.
I think we could begin to see situations that will cause crises, disease, power outages, damages to things, etc., in order to force us respect a balance of energy. There are so many energies manifesting right now to make this happen, including a collective awakening as I spoke of before; a call for love and for change, accompanied by a fear of change and a deep rooted belief that nothing is ever enough, including ourselves.
Try Not to Believe in Doomsday Messaging
Try not to fall into doomsday messaging that preaches its God’s wrath or some Illuminati force out to destroy us. Again, we are collectively creating our reality. We are here to learn that we are ‘enough.’ If there a punishment coming, it is false ideas within ourselves that we need to be punished. Try to see everything that happens as simply cause and effect. There is simply inner conflict within us which is creating an external manifestation of this conflict in the outer world.
Talk of Revolutions
There will be talk of revolutions against our governments, but we are asked to look within. Change will come through individuals withdrawing their energies from what is chaotic and enslaving within the world rather than through fighting these energies. Those who preach revolution or denial preach helplessness. In truth we all have untapped power. We can all change the world through how we live and what we practice. We are not as helpless as disempowering figures would have us think.
Let Go of the Fear of Lack and Loss
See it in such a way that there exists a mass collective fear of lack and of loss. This fear is creating physical manifestations within our world due to so many people worrying about abundance and over-striving to create it. Start to seek abundance from within. If we can objectively look at the world from a detached perspective we may be able to see that a collective majority seems to be chasing abundance so very hard as if there isn’t enough of it. However, the best way to overcome such fears is to face them. Those who go within right now and know how to find true abundance and how to receive it through a united effort with others and with Earth, rather than through making it an individual conquering process, will better face some of these anxieties.
A Vision During The Gulf Oil Spill
During the gulf oil spill I had a vision. I was in a white room with many others who were present as well. We were all dressed in white robes, sitting crossed legged on the floor. We all had our left hand out, which above it levitated a tennis ball sized ‘Earth.’ Every one of us in the room had our own Earth, yet we were all in the room together acting as a collective force. In this vision there was a feeling of excitement, like we were joyfully creating everything that was happening on the Earth. There was a feeling that we had an impact.
Be Like a Double-Terminated Crystal
Iโve also had visions of crystals within people of different colors. Some contained crystals that pointed only upwards and some seem to contain crystals which pointed upward and downward (double terminated). My assumption was that these crystals and their pointed directions represent our connections to heaven and earth. The people with crystals only pointed upward were not connected to the earth.
I have also had visions of a huge dark and cloudy crystal upon the Earth which is only pointed in one direction, to heaven. It felt like this crystal represented the dominant collective consciousnesses. It felt very polluted and blocked from channeling the Earth’s energies upward in order to heal and clear itself. So, the feeling was that we need to open that connection from the Earth, which we are lacking, and which is affecting the both our own health and that of the planet.
The message was that for those thinking in terms of “ascension” there needs to be a simultaneous focus on being grounded, seeing ourselves as one with Earth. Energy needs to be double-terminated–reciprocal and able to move in two directions, i.e. energy coming up from the ground, through us to spirit, and from spirit back down towards the ground.
The Call
Some people are going to hear a call from within themselves in their own timing and our own way.ย Such a call will awaken people to our collective dependencies and the illusions that we have bought into. We may wish to look at everything we buy and create–to ask why we created or bought it, and what truth or reality it serves. Are we acting upon our own truth? Or a truth that someone else or society has given us? What are our true needs opposed to what are our lifestyles and addictions to the material world telling us to need? It’s about being able to stand outside ourselves and see the beauty of the now moment and how little it requires to be beautiful.
We may wish to learn about Buddha, the message of Christ, or of other ascended masters. We may connect with our innate wisdom apart from everything our guru’s may have to say.ย We may wish to learn Mother Nature’s language and begin to have a dialogue with Her. What does she need right now? What do we need right now? What is the truth? Without forcing anything or needing to judge what comes up, we can see the dream and what is being created within it.
We may wish to be free of systems of ownership, of copyrights, trademarks, money and other things, realizing that we do not truly own anything, even ideas that we try to sell. We may find ourselves becoming more sharing or even going back to some type of barter and trade. Events, power outages, or disasters could happen in the future which trigger this to happen. We may begin to see ourselves as part of a collective or community rather than as individuals fighting to make it in the world alone, or in competition with others. There will be some who choose a different path and this is okay, too. When I see the future, I see a divergence, like reality goes in two different directions before the divergent streams return to the same pool.
This article is meant for those who already have some familiarity with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). If youโre brand new to EFT, donโt worry โ itโs simple to learn, and there are countless free videos online. Just search โEFT demonstrationโ on YouTube and youโll find plenty of wonderful tutorials to get you started.
Why Use a Card-Based Method Instead of Muscle Testing?
In the past, I often encouraged clients to learn a complementary skill called muscle testing (you can see my โHow-Toโ guide here >>). Muscle testing is a helpful way to identify hidden blocks, emotional reversals, or unconscious beliefs that may be limiting your progress with EFT.
However, many people avoid muscle testing for one simple reason: they donโt trust themselves to stay neutral enough to get accurate answers.
This is especially true for individuals who struggle with โMassive Psychological Reversal.” Massive Psychological Reversal is a pattern where the energy system gets reversed or scrambled, making it difficult to move forward with healing work. Certain types of reversal can even interfere with the muscle testing process itself, creating a lot of confusion or self-doubt.
So what can you do if muscle testing feels intimidating, unreliable, or energetically โoffโ?
A Beautiful Alternative: Divination Cards
If muscle testing isnโt comfortable for you, please know there is absolutely still hope and an alternative.
Divination cards (homemade, using an app, or purchased) can be used in place of muscle testing to help detect:
subconscious blocks
psychological reversals
hidden emotions
energetic resistance
limiting beliefs
As someone who began as a card reader, creating my own deck felt natural. Honestly, it opened doors to blocks and patterns I never would have thought to test for. Cards can reveal things we might not consciously consider or think to muscle test, and they allow the intuitive mind to speak freely without the interference of doubt.
Tools Needed
The good news? Creating your own card deck is incredibly simple. You donโt need special materials. Just a pen and package of perforated business card stock (easily found at most office supply stores like Staples). Because the business cardstock is perforated, no cutting is required. From there, all you need to do is decide what each card represents.
What to Write on the Cards
Here is what I used, but feel free to come up with your own ideas:
3 cards with โI deserveโ
3 cards with โIt is safeโ
3 cards with โIt is safe for othersโ
3 cards with โI am willingโ
3 cards with โIt is possibleโ
3 cards with โI allowโ
3 cards with โI benefitโ
3 cards with โOthers will benefitโ
3 cards with โI have what it takesโ
3 cards with โDeprivationโ
3 cards with โLoss of Identityโ
3 cards with โNeverโ
3 cards with โI am readyโ
3 cards with โI chooseโ
1 card with โI canโ
1 card with โI want toโ
1 cards with โI need to keep (some of this problem)โ
1 card with โThis issue does not have to returnโ
6 cards with โBlocks are clearโ
Additional Cards to Consider Adding
3 cards: โTap Main Issueโ ~ tells you when you can move on through tapping blocks.
1 card: โAnother Issue Takes Precedenceโ ~ if you are tapping on am issue when something else takes precedence in order to resolve it.
1 card: โFear of Changeโ ~ for if fear of change needs to be tapped before an issue can be successfully resolved.
1 card: โClear Chakras and Energyโ ~ in the case you would get better results clearing the energy field.
1 card: โI Deeply and Profoundly Love and Accept Myselfโ ~ for if massive psychological reversal needs correction.
1 card: โIโm Tapping in the Loveโ ~ for clearing the energy and infusing oneself with light.
1 card: โI Am Forgiven by Othersโ ~ for if guilt or feeling attacked/shamed/unaccepted is acting as a block to healing.
1 card: โI Forgive Othersโ ~ for if a lack of forgiveness of others is blocking resolution
1 card: โI Forgive Myself.โ ~ for if a lack of self-forgiveness is blocking resolution
1 card: โHeal the Causeโ ~ for if tapping on the cause (known or unknown) would help, i.e., “Even though I won’t allow myself to be free of the cause of [the issue], I deeply love and accept myself.”
1 card: โClear Memoriesโ ~ for if the main issue cannot be cleared until an original trauma or certain memories are dealt with.
1 card: โDehydrationโ ~ for if dehydration is blocking results.
1 card: โNutritionโ ~ in the case a nutritional issue blocking you.
Why Am I Making More Than One Card For Some Topics?
This feature also allows for a particular card to be drawn repeatedly if the block wasn’t completely cleared in one round of tapping.
I also included cards (in the list above) that can help detect โswitchingโ or โhomolateral energy flowโ/โneurological disorganization.โ This kind of energy imbalance can negatively affect the healing process, muscle testing accuracy, and the efficacy of EFT.
Conclusion
You can include in your deck any other cards you can think of. I incorporated into my deck some of the blocks that I found through other healing modalities such as theta healing, TAT, energy work, and more. I color coded each card (easy to do with your own deck) in order to use it for chakra work (if you wish to learn how to apply EFT with energy and chakra work, I provide a sample tapping script at my website here >> ). Find what works for you. You may start seeing patterns, such as common cards draw repeatedly for various situations and/or conditions.
Disclaimer: This article and the divination deck being suggested are intended for entertainment purposes alone. They are not offered to diagnose or prescribe for medical or psychological conditions nor to claim to prevent, treat, mitigate, or cure such conditions, nor to recommend specific products or services as diagnosis or treatment of disease. Any use of products or services is experimental and based upon your informed consent and private license.
I still remember the first time someone performed muscle testing on me back in the 1990s. I didnโt understand what was happening or why I was being asked to hold my arm out while she gently pushed down on it. Sometimes my arm stayed strong, resisting the pressure. Other times, without warning, it weakened and dropped. I couldnโt understand why it reacted differently depending on what she asked. At times, she didnโt even speak the questions aloud.
How Muscle Testing Works
Muscle testing is essentially a way of reading how your energy field responds to certain information, stimuli, or objects. When something resonates with you (whether itโs a statement, idea, or physical item), your energy stays strong, and your muscles reflect that. When something does not resonate, when something feels untrue, stressful, or out of alignment, the energy field subtly weakensโฆ and the muscles follow. This is because itโs not about physical strength but energetic response.
When used correctly, muscle testing becomes a valuable tool in EFT and other healing practices. It can reveal:
What the body feels stressed by
What the energy field perceives as true or false
Whether an emotion is ready to be cleared
Which statements or beliefs create resistance
Whether certain remedies, foods, or techniques match a personโs energy
However it works behind the scenes, muscle testing can offer surprisingly accurate insights into the body, emotions, and subtle energy system.
Should I Use Muscle Testing, Pendulum, or Another Tool?
When I tried muscle testing for the first time, I was surprised by how quick and uncomplicated it felt. Unlike a pendulum (which can be wonderful for charts and more complex forms of inquiry), muscle testing requires nothing more than your body and a focused question. This said, everyone is different. If you think you would get better results with a pendulum it is something to try (look up how to get Yes/No responses using a pendulum if you are unfamiliar).
For those who arenโt comfortable with muscle testing or pendulums, where it is hard to get the ego out of the way, Iโve created a divination deck that works as an alternative tool. This EFT Divination Kit has two decks in it: one for testing reversals and the other for emotions and memories to clear.
Using Muscle Testing to Test for Psychological Reversals
Muscle testing is especially valuable for identifying energetic blocks or what we sometimes call psychological reversals. These are the unconscious patterns that prevent healing, sabotage progress, or cause an issue to keep returning.
Some examples of psychological reversals include:
Beliefs that contradict what you consciously want
Energetic or chakra blocks that need clearing
Unresolved subconscious conflicts or memories
Homolateral Energy, dehydration, or other issues that affect your bodies electrical system or ability to heal
For more information on psychological reversals and how they impact healing, see here >>
How to Perform Muscle Testing
There are many different ways to perform muscle testing, either on yourself, on someone else, or even as a surrogate for another person. Below are the three simplest and most common techniques Iโve used over the years.
1. The Standing Method (Sway Test)
This is one of the easiest ways to begin muscle testing. Many ThetaHealingยฎ practitioners teach it because anyone can learn it quickly.
When using the standing method:
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart.
Ask a clear yes/no question or hold an object to your chest.
Let go and allow your body to sway in whatever direction it seems to want to. It will naturally sway forward for a โyesโ and backward for a โno.โ
Itโs intuitive, gentle, and beginner-friendly, although not the most practical if you want quick answers without getting up. You can read more about the standing method here >>.
2. The Two-Ring Method (Finger Loop Test)
This is one of the most common self-testing methods. It involves creating two โringsโ with your fingers and seeing if the connection holds or breaks.
How to do it:
Touch the thumb and forefinger of both hands together to form two small circles or โeyes.โ
Insert the circle of your right hand into the circle of your left.
Gently try to pull the right-hand circle through the left-hand circle.
If the left-hand ring stays closed, the answer is โstrongโ (yes). If it breaks apart easily, the answer is โweakโ (no).
This method is great for checking foods, supplements, statements, or emotional questions.
3. The Wand Method (My Preferred Technique)
This variation is similar to the two-ring method, but I find it quicker, cleaner, and less influenced by conscious thought.
Hereโs how it works:
Make a small ring (โeyeโ) by touching the thumb and forefinger of your left hand together.
With your right hand, point your forefinger straight out like a wand.
Insert your right forefinger into the โeyeโ and gently swipe right to see if the ring you’ve formed with your left hand holds or breaks.
The beauty of this technique (which I learned from Gary Craigโs original EFT DVDs) is that it leaves less room for ego interference or second-guessing. Because the movement is small and quick, thereโs less time to mentally influence the outcome, which helps produce clearer and more accurate results.
Testing Method 3 With a Few Questions
To begin a muscle testing session, one of the first things you may want to make sure to do (after making sure you are hydrated), is to do an initial test for a proper “yes” and “no” response.
To do this, you will need to choose statements to muscle-test that you know would elicit a “yes” and “no” response. For example; if I muscle test the statement, “My name is Mandy,” I should get a “strong” (i.e. a “yes”) muscle response, because this is my name. If I then test the statement, “My name is Mary Ann” (which it is not), my muscles should go weak (i.e. a “no”).
Once you have your “yes” statement ready, pinch your thumb and forefinger of your least dominant handย in the shape of an eye. Then, use your right forefinger as a wand and insert it into the eye almost as deep as your second knuckle on your finger. See the image below:
Now, state your “yes” statement to yourself as if asking your body to give you an answer if it is true or not.ย Use your dominant forefinger as a wand, lightly sweeping it through where your left hand fingers are pinched together; like a sword sweeping through a joint where a twig meets a branch. You want to keep your left hand fingers pinched together in a strong but relaxed manner. Try not to let your mind interfere, abstaining from judgment whether the answer is true/false, yes/no.
If your finger does not swipe through (I usually move from left to right), then that is a “yes.” See image below:
If your finger is able to sweep through the connected fingers, like below picture, it is a “no” cause your pinched fingers muscles went “weak.”
If you tested strong to your real name (the eye didn’t break) and tested weak to your fake name, then you are ready to test on other questions. If not, then read the below sections on “Keys To Success with Muscle Testing” and “Switching.”
Keys To Success With Self-Muscle-Testing
Make sure that you are properly hydrated (muscle testing makes use of the bodies electrical system which functions best when we are hydrated).
Try to remain as detached as possible to the answer/outcome. Anticipation and conscious resistance can both influence results.
You may wish to start by rubbing the collar bone points (the junction where collarbone meets breast bone) to get the meridians flowing in the right direction.
Make sure you are focused on your question for valid results. If you are distracted, your body may be confused what it is testing on.
Try not to hold breath or tension in the body.
Switching, Homolateral Energy & Neurological Disorganization
Sometimes muscle testing becomes less accurate because the bodyโs energy system is temporarily disorganized, overcharged, or โrunning backward.โ This is often called switching, polarity switching, or neurological disorganization. When this happens, a person may feel:
Spacey or unfocused
Ungrounded
Mentally scattered
Emotionally โoffโ
Easily overwhelmed
These energetic disruptions can be triggered by things like food sensitivities, environmental stressors, emotional overwhelm, or exposure to electromagnetic frequencies.
Thankfully, a few simple corrections can help restore balance and improve the accuracy of muscle testing.
How to Correct Switching
The following steps come from principles used in energy medicine. Each step involves touching or stimulating the navel (belly button) with one hand while rubbing or massaging a specific point with the other.
Hold each position for about 10 seconds:
Navel + Collarbone Points With one hand on the navel, use the other to rub the two โK27โ points just under the collarbones (“Collar Bone” points on the image). These points often need deeper pressure than the navel.
Navel + Under the Nose Keep one hand on the navel and rub the point directly beneath your nose.
Navel + Under the Bottom Lip Again, with one hand on the navel; rub the center point directly under your lower lip.
Navel + Coccyx (Tailbone) Keeping the hand on the navel, reach behind and rub or tap the coccyx, the lowest point on the spine.
After completing the sequence, try muscle testing again and notice if your responses feel clearer or more consistent.
Another method you can use is to march in place for about 60 seconds, making sure you bring your left arm up with your right knee and then your right arm up with your left knee.
Helpful Resources
For those who would like to learn more about energy balance and gentle self-corrections, Donna Edenโs book Energy Medicine is a fantastic resource. Her Energy Medicine Kit cards are also an excellent tool for beginners and practitioners alike.
And if muscle testing still doesnโt feel comfortable, remember you can always use my divination deck as an alternative. The deck includes cards that indicate energy overcharge, switching, and homolateral (uncrossed) energy.
Sensing the Energy Field and Its Blocks or Imbalances
There are a few different methods for intuiting states of imbalance within the energy field. However, it helps to first understand the basic states of imbalance that a person may suffer from:
Blocked Chakras
These are places where energy flow through a chakra becomes blocked or restricted and which can affect the energy flow in the entire body. They usually coincide with psychological issues…certain self-defense mechanism, beliefs or biases a person has adopted in their relationship to reality.
Leaks, Tears, and Holes in the Energy Field
These are are regions where energy is leaking from the field instead of being retained. This results in a lack of protection of the field and loss of energy within it. Leaks, usually in the first layer of the aura, are the result of wear, tear and physical trauma of the body and can be commonly found over joints. Tears can extend to other aura layers and are usually the result emotional, mental or spiritual stressed or traumatic experiences.
Negative Cords & Attachments
These are negative attachments to people and in some cases situations or trauma which show as cords moving out from the body into the energy field and extending outward. Sometimes you may feel or sense them around the belly button area but they can exist other places too. These heavy cords are not to be confused with positive threads which connect us in higher ways to others higher selves.
Energy Impurities
These are zones of stagnant or undesirable energy in the auric field. They inhibit free flow, and the healthy functioning of the energy field. They can manifest as unhealthy thoughts or emotions that are being held by a person.
Energy Depletion
This is a energy condition that results in a weakness of the energetic operation of the auric field, giving it a lack of vibrancy. Such depletion can be experienced in certain areas of the aura or can be more general and extensive.
Disturbances In The Energy Flow
This is represented by an irregularity in the flow of energy in the auric field, usually in the lower layers of the auru. Energy can be erratic or uneven. Usually occurs as a local condition rather than a global one and if untreated can affect the affected organs and tissues of the body.
Overactive or Underactive Chakras
These states need to be brought back into balance so the energy runs smoothly through the chakra system. They occur when some chakras are overactive compared to others, or underactive.
Techniques to Read the Energy Field and Imbalances
Five techniques that one can use to detect issues in the energy field include:
1 Muscle Testing (aka Applied Kinesiology)
It is often effective if you need quick answers and you can detect things you might miss using intution if running through the list of imbalancess and states and testing for each one. It is also effective for detecting what is called “psychological reversal” (unconscious behavior patterns/beliefs which cause self-sabotage), which might block a person from overcoming a particular problem.
2 Pendulum Testing
A method of testing that uses a pendulum to ask the body yes/no questions. Learn more>>
3 Passing-of-Hands
This is where you run your hands over a persons body (not on it but slightly above it) and physically sense the energy with your hands, feeling where the energy dips or peaks or differs in texture or vibration or temperature. Sometimes the hands will start to itch, heat up, cool down or experience pains over certain positions or chakras, sometimes things are picked up empathically through the entire body while the hands are over a certain part of the body.
4 Psychic Guidance
This method involves sensing the condition of the aura and chakras through the reception of psychic information and guidance: This is done by rather than looking at the body, one forms an outline of the body in one’s minds eye and then let go of the thinking mind and allow intuitive information and images to come to surface upon that outline without blocking it with the thinking mind.
5 Viewing the Aura Directly
Viewing the aura involves seeing the aura for yourself. Most people can do if they teach themselves to and consciously acknowledge its presence.
For more information, you can learn about energy sensing, viewing and other energy techniques through http://www.chioshealing.com. While they used to have free downloadable manuals, the author now has written a book which can be found here>>.
Standing Muscle Testing & Neurological Disorganization: How to Improve Accuracy and Clarity
Muscle testing is a wonderful tool for receiving yes/no responses from the bodyโs innate wisdom. Many people use it to detect psychological reversals, uncover energetic blocks, or guide EFT and other healing techniques. But what happens if the answers feel unclear, inconsistent, or influenced by your emotions?
This is where understanding the standing method of muscle testing (and correcting neurological disorganization) can make a tremendous difference.
Muscle testing only works as well as the energy system behind it. If your polarity is reversed, your energy is scattered, or your system is overloaded, your responses may be unreliable. By restoring balance first, you give the body a clear channel through which it can communicate.
This article will guide you through:
How to use the Standing (Sway) Method
How to check for clarity and energetic interference
How to recognize neurological disorganization (ND)
Easy correction exercises that restore accurate testing
Letโs begin.
The Standing Method of Muscle Testing
The standing method (also called the sway test) is one of the simplest ways to muscle test. Unlike hand-based techniques, it uses the natural movement of your energy field to indicate truth, alignment, or resistance.
Step 1: Hydrate and Ground Yourself
Hydration is essential for accurate testing. Before you begin:
* Drink a glass of water * Eat something small if your blood sugar feels low
A nourished, hydrated system gives clearer responses.
Step 2: Connect With Your Higher Guidance (Optional)
Many people like to start with a simple prayer or intention. You can use the below, or any phrase that connects you to Source or your Higher Self:
โThe Creator and I are One.โ
This step is optional but can help you feel aligned and centered.
Step 3: Find Your Position
Some traditions suggest standing facing north with your knees slightly bent. While this can help, it isnโt necessary. Intention is stronger than direction.
Simply stand comfortably in a quiet space.
Step 4: Establish Your Yes/No Response
Decide that:
* Forward lean = Yes. * Backward lean = No
Keep your mind neutral. Avoid hoping for a specific answer. Then, test your baseline:
~ Say: โMy name is {your real name}.โ Allow your body to lean forward. ~ Say: โMy name is {a false name}.โ Your body should lean backward.
If the directions are reversed or confused, donโt worry โ it simply means your energy needs balancing. Repeat after hydrating or using the corrections further below.
Step 5: Ask for Clarity
Say: โAm I clear?โ
A forward lean means your system is ready. A backward lean indicates interference or emotional overwhelm. If unclear, you may say:
โCreator, please remove all interferences.โ
Or take a moment to breathe, center, and reset. If your body moves sideways or in another direction, the timing or question may be off. Ask:
“Do I have permission to ask about this issue right now?” “Is there another issue I should focus on first?”
Step 6: Begin Testing
Once clear, you can use muscle testing to:
* test psychological reversals * assess emotional blocks * ask yes/no questions * confirm intuitive guidance * support EFT and healing sessions
If uncertain, ask: โIs this the correct answer according to Source?โ
Neurological Disorganization (ND) & Switching
Even with good technique, your answers may still feel inconsistent. This often happens when your energy system becomes:
overloaded
scrambled
reversed
scattered
overstimulated
This is called neurological disorganization (ND) or switching.
ND can lead to sensations such as:
feeling spacey or unfocused
mild ADD-like feelings
difficulty tracking or concentrating
emotional overwhelm
inconsistent muscle-testing results
sensitivity to EMFs, foods, or environmental stress
When ND is present, your body cannot respond accurately to muscle testing โ or to healing techniques themselves โ until balance is restored.
Correction Exercises for ND or Switching
These simple exercises can realign your energy flow in under a minute. Most people feel calmer, clearer, and more grounded immediately afterward.
For each exercise:
keep one hand on your navel (belly button)
rub the secondary point with the other hand
continue for about 10 seconds
1. Navel + Collarbone Points (K27 points)
Rub the two notches beneath the collarbones firmly.
2. Navel + Under the Nose
Rub or press the point directly beneath your nose.
3. Navel + Under the Bottom Lip
Rub the center point below your lower lip.
4. Navel + Tailbone (Coccyx)
Rub or tap the bottom of the spine.
After completing the sequence, repeat your muscle test and notice the improvement.
Many people perform these corrections before using a pendulum, before tapping, or before any self-guided energy work.
Bringing It All Together
Muscle testing is meant to be a gentle dialogue with your energy field โ not a struggle. If answers feel inconsistent, unclear, or emotionally charged, it doesnโt mean youโre doing anything wrong. It simply means your system needs grounding, hydration, or energetic balancing.
By combining:
the standing method,
a quick clarity check, and
simple ND corrections,
โฆyou can dramatically improve the accuracy of your testing and the flow of your healing work.
When your energy is aligned, your bodyโs wisdom becomes clear, loving, and deeply supportive โ exactly as it was designed to be.
EFT is very easy to use upon the energy field, chakras or any feelings of resistance or blockage in the body. Often, with some clients who do not tend to feel much progress using EFT on regular issues, sometimes using it on the energy field can give them the shift they needed to happen. I even use it within a session while tapping regular issues.
You can go through each chakra and tap something like “Thank you God for healing this chakra of all energetic defects, clearing all blocks and bringing it into balance” or anything else that comes to mind. If a certain chakra feels blocked you can use the negative as well, such as; “Even though my crown chakra feels blocked or out of balance and I feel this painful headache, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.”
You can use it to clear the energy field such as “Thank you God my energy field is clearing of all impurities and is filling up with bright while healing light” and adding rounds of tapping using any other statements that give you the feeling your energy field is lightening and opening up. You can tap in the all leaks and tears in the aura are healing and mending and that your energy field and energetic boundaries are becoming stronger.
You can put up shields, clear your energy of other people energy, dysfunctional cords and attachments, psychic attacks, or you can even use EFT to heal your energy of leakages and energy depletion. Basically the world is your oyster using EFT for these issues and you can just go with what you feel and implement it into a set up statement. Such as in the videos below or see the EFT articles/video page for how to create set up statements.
You can also use EFT on a lot of the Theta Healing type issues such as entities, attachments, curses, contracts, karma, and almost any other energy condition.
An example is below. Tap the following points with two or three fingers while repeating the statements (for more information on how to do EFT see my blogs on EFT):
Karate Chop Point:
Even though I feel anxious, my thoughts are churning and I feel my energy can’t relax, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though my energy feels tired and blocked, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though I feel like I am weighted down negative energies that may or may not belong to me, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Top of Head Point:
I am releasing all negative energies
I am releasing all negative entities
I am transmuting all impurities
Replacing them with light and love
Eyebrow Point:
I am releasing anything negative that comes up in my aura, and I deely and completely love and accept myself
I am releasing all blocks in my energy field and all the resistances to releasing blocks in my energy field
Side of Eye Point:
I am letting go of all cords, psychic attacks, old karma, energetic traumas, contracts to suffer or anything else that keeps me from being in divine alignment
I am letting all negativity go, and with this, I feel so deeply and unconditionally loving and accepting of myself
Under Eye Point:
I am clearing and healing my whole energy field and weaving it with light and love
I feel my vibration rising and that anything that isnt part of a higher vibration drops from my energy grid.
I am releasing everything that is not of my highest good, and replacing it with Creators light and love.
Under Nose Point:
I am releasing and letting go of all negative attachments
I am freeing myself from all heavy cords, digging them out and transplanting them with Your light
I’m letting any energy that I took on from others release back to their original owner
Chin Point:
I am releasing all negativity
I am releasing all other entities and attachments into the hands of God, away from my presence to continue their evolution never to enter my personal space again.
I am healing and strengthening my energetic boundaries, seeing them grow stronger and brighter
Any leaks and tears being healed and fused
Collar Bone Point:
I am flooding my entire energy field with the brightest and whitest healing light
I am flooding it so full
And I am letting it expand out so beautifully and so brightly
I feel my energy and vibration rising
I feel my chakras open, balance and expand out and I let them all expand out
I feel all the love coming into each chakra and feel it going out
Out into the “all that is”, and I just allow…
Under Arm Point:
My auric field is looking so clear, so white and so bright
It is so beautiful
My charkas are all spining so brightly, so beautifully, so clear of any blocks, and all are free of any energetic defects, aligned and in balance
Thumb Point:
I’m flooding my energy field now with bright white healing flowing light.
and I let it flow
and I let my energy field expand out
My energy field becomes overflowing with light and love as I keep tapping
And I keep tapping into it a deep unconditional love and acceptance
Of myself, of others and of Life
Index Finger Point:
I keep tapping in that love
I keep tapping in the joy of God
I feel in the moment one with God, His Love and I know that I am divine
I am worthy of all love, I always was
Middle Finger Point:
I am a bright white sparkling being of light
I deserve to trust it all and to believe in myself
I deserve to keep walking with this light releasing everything I don’t need to carry anymore
Pinky Finger Point:
I feel everything I don’t want or need being completely released, transmuted or let go of
I can trust that it is all releasing and letting go
Because I am giving it all to God, who loves me so much and who is offering me so much love for myself, filling my heart with His divine love.
Take a deep breath and release and return to Karate Chop Point
Karate Chop point:
I am so full of love
I am so full of God’s Light
My energy field is fully of sparking and magical light
it is shining so clear and brilliant
I am ready shine my light out over my life and out into the whole world.
What is Psychological ReversalโAnd How To Correct It?
This article discusses topics related to EFT and Muscle Testing.
For how to perform muscle testing, see here>> For how to perform EFT, see here>>
Why Some Issues Simply Wonโt Budge
Have you ever wondered why certain habits, fears, or emotional patterns refuse to shift, no matter how hard you try? Why some people heal quickly, while others seem to have all the potential, tools, and support in the world yet make little progress? Many individuals visit doctors, therapists, or energy workers again and again, only to feel stuck in the same place.
For a long time, this was blamed on willpower. People were told they โdidnโt really want to get better,โ โwerenโt trying hard enough,โ or were simply โlazy.โ But none of that is true.
Psychological Reversal suggests a very different explanation; one rooted in the bodyโs energy flow, or polarity. When someone is reversed, their energy meridians begin running โbackward,โ causing the body and mind to work against healing rather than with it. In this state, your system may resist progress even when you consciously desire change.
This means that healing is not just a matter of motivation or effort. Sometimes the energy field itself is sending mixed signals, and the personโs inner healing forces become blocked or misdirected.
Psychological Reversal is especially common among individuals who struggle with:
depression
addictive tendencies
chronic health conditions
multiple chemical or food sensitivities
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
and many so-called โ20th Century Diseasesโ
When reversal is present, it often must be addressed first, before other treatments, or even EFT techniques, can work effectively.
Testing for Massive Psychological Reversal at the Start of a Session
Before beginning any EFT work, whether with a client or on yourself, itโs important to check for Massive Psychological Reversal. This form of reversal can block progress and make tapping far less effective, so identifying it early helps ensure the session flows smoothly.
To test for Massive PR, have the client drink a glass of water first (hydration improves accuracy). Once theyโre ready, muscle test the following affirmative statements:
โI want to get over {this problem}.โ
โI want to be successful at {acting, music, school, relationships, etc}.โ
โI live for life.โ
These statements should ideally test strong.
Next, test the opposite statements to check for conflicted energy:
โI donโt want to get over {this problem}.โ
โI donโt want to be successful at {acting, music, school, relationships, etc}.โ
โI live for death.โ
These should normally test weak.
If the opposite statements test strongโor if both sides test strong or both test weakโthe person may be experiencing Massive Psychological Reversal, This means their energy system is ambivalent, conflicted, or running backward in some way.
If Massive Psychological Reversal Is Present
If your testing shows that Massive Psychological Reversal is present, pause before moving forward with EFT. Begin by doing a few rounds of tapping using set-up statements such as:
โI deeply and profoundly love and accept myself with all my weaknesses and limitations.โ
โI want to get over {this problem}.โ
โI want to be successful at {โฆ}.โ
After tapping through these, retest the statements in the previous section to see whether the reversal has shifted.
If the reversal is clear, move onto the next section.
If the reversal is still present, you may need to correct underlying energetic imbalances first.
At this point, it can be helpful to:
Confirm that the client (or yourself) is adequately hydrated, as dehydration can interfere with accurate testing
Have the client perform a cross-crawl or other exercises to correct homolateral energy such as mentioned near the bottom of this article >>
If Massive Psychological Reversal Isn’t Present
If you don’t have massive psychological reversal or have cleared it, then you want to test for less incapacitating reversals. Some people have more than one. Here are some reversals to test for:
Deserving: “I deserve to get over this problem” Safety: “It is safe for me to get over this problem” Safety for others: “It is safe for (or will not threaten) others for me to get over this problem” Motivation/Willingness: “I am willing/will do what it takes to get over this problem.” Permission: “I will allow myself to get over this problem” Possibility: “It is possible for me to overcome this problem.” Benefit: “It is good for me to get over this problem.” Resource: “I have what it takes to make life work without this problem.” Deprivation: “I will feel deprived if I get over this problem.” Identity: “I will lose my identity if I get over this problem” Never: “I will never get over this problem” Readiness: “I am ready to get over this problem.” Permanency: “If I get over this problem it will come back” and “I want to keep some of this problem”
Once Identifying a Reversal
Once identifying a reversal, then EFT or other Though Field Therapy techniques can be used to correct it. Just put the reversal in your set up statement and perform the tapping sequence. Example: “Even though I will lose my identity if I get over [the problem], I deeply love and accept myself.”
Then retest the reversal and see if it is clear. Most times, the reversal is cleared in one round of tapping. If the block is more deeply rooted, it might take three rounds, but rarely more. If it does not correct, there is another issue or deeper reversal in the way.
After reversals are out of the way, the main problem can be tapped on using a basic set up statement. For example, “Even though I have [issue], I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.”
Using Cards to Detect Psychological ReversalsโOr Other Blocks
For those who feel less comfortable with muscle testing, perhaps you could consider using cards. You can make your own or use cards that have already been created.
For an article on how to make your own cards, see here >> For a free app to use online to draw cards, see here >> To purchase the EFT Divination Kit, see here >>
A lot of the calls that I receive are from individuals who are in love with someone who frustrates them and they just want to know if things will ever change. Other calls are from individuals who have lost a love and they want to know if it can be rekindled or retrieved. Some are individuals in a relationship with someone who just can’t make an emotional commitment. However some individuals may be with a partner who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NDP). Such love interests, even if they are charming and pursue you very ardently, may be completely unable to give or show love in a genuine way.
Why Doesn’t S/He Love Me
I learned about NPD after being told by a professional that it was what someone in my life suffered from. A short time later, I started looking up websites and reading books on the subject in an effort to come to terms with this diagnosis. Most of it was trying to understand why I could never feel loved.
While everyone can be narcissistic at times, there are traits that distinguish this type of narcissism from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The main trait of NDP is a marked lack of empathy. Thus, the person with NPD cannot feel for you. This is not out of excessive cruelty. It is because somewhere in life it became dangerous or not worth it to really tune into others and care. Their lack of empathy is a self-defense mechanism.
I’ve had so many clients ask, “When is he going to understand?โ Many want to know if their love interest will ever start to โcare.โ They feel that if they just hang in long enough, things will change. What they don’t always understand is that often those with NPD do feel they are caring. If you ask them why they care they might not always have an answer. All they know is that they don’t want to lose you and they tolerate all the things about you that bug them. To them this is being caring. They don’t always understand they are not “feeling” nor being sensitive to your wants, needs and thoughts. They might not even know how to have this kind of sensitivity.
As stated earlier, their self-defense mechanism makes it safer for them not to feel anything for others. Though it might not seem rational to many of us, it is also safer for them to receive than to give. Thus, it may seem at times that everything has to revolve around their wants, needs and feelings. They have a sense of entitlement and a need to feel superior to others; which, because those with NPD can suffer from black-and-white or all-or-nothing thinking, letting go of this stance may trigger the polar opposite feelings of being โless thanโ or โnot good enough.โ
Expecting a shift with this and for your love interest to one day start caring about you (or blaming yourself thinking that they don’t “love” you) is unrealistic and not truly understanding the situation. A narcissist’s love for themselves is not really love but a fear of their own humanness. They are in love with an ideal self that they create. To love someone else truly, they would have to break down their own defenses, let go of their idealized personality and open their hearts. That risks too much vulnerability.
How To Identify Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The DSM-IV-TR Criteria for Diagnosing NDP:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by other special people
Requires excessive admiration
Strong sense of entitlement
Takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy
Is often envious or believes others are envious of him or her
Arrogant effect
Other traits:
They may not be very good givers. They may wish to give you things you โshouldโ want (according to them) or what they would want, rather than what you asked for.
They can be a bit dry and lacking in a sense of humor.
They may not be good at apologizing or admitting they were wrong when caught in lies, deceptions or after another person has expressed that they were really hurt by them. They may leave a discussion and later expect the issue dropped. Alternatively, they may turn things around to put the blame or responsibility on the other person.
They are into name brands and appearances.
They may not ask how you feel and instead they tell you how to feel. They may tend to keep conversations superficial. They may not be comfortable discussing their dreams, emotions or deep issues.
Discussions of what is wrong in a relationship revolve around the partner and what the partner needs to change in themselves rather than any improvement the individual with NDP could make.
Narcissists may be afraid of emotional closeness, of intimacy, confrontation, of needing help, of abandonment, or of not being in control.
The may be better at dishing it out but than taking it. They may be blaming, easily offended and need to be right. But it’s all so that they don’t feel or internalize hurt or rejection.
They tend to project their own negative thoughts or behaviors onto others. ie, such as seeing others as hurtful, dishonest or envious of them when itโs really themselves that are being hurtful, dishonest or envious.
Can You Help A Partner with NPD?
NDP sufferers will rarely seek treatment. Instead, they may imply others need treatment if they feel others are not identifying enough with their wants and needs. If you have a partner with NDP, they may, in fact, expect you to drop your own needs or feelings in order that everything continues to revolve around theirs. Even in the case that you should seek help in order to deal with the narcissist in your life, the narcissist may try to sabotage treatment. Therapy may not be supported unless the therapist is someone the narcissist has talked to and feels in control of.
Often those with NDP have a hard time respecting other people in authority; be they doctors, therapists, etc. This is because they have such a strong need to be dominant due to a feeling of vulnerability within. This can make them emotionally intolerant of others views.
What Causes NDP?
NDP is largely a defense mechanism. It can result from any trauma in life that is enough to cause the individual with NDP to shut down. Support and true nurturing may not have been counted on in others. Some narcissists may have been excessively spoiled as children. Casanova narcissists were sometimes sexually abused or had non-nurturing mothers or mothers who were overly timid. Either way, the narcissist never learned how to form an empathic bond. Thus, the person with NDP may decide not to feel for others anymore. The may decide to focus solely upon the survival of the self. In their own self-defence, other people are not really to be admired or respected but used.
It is hypothesized that narcissists have a core subconscious belief that they are flawed in ways that makes them unacceptable to others (though they might deny this is true). Thus, their narcissistic behavior may be something they set up within themselves to protect them from painful feelings of rejection and isolation that could occur if they opened their hearts, let others in, or lowered their defenses so that others could really see them as they are with all their defects. They internally believe weakness is not tolerated, first and foremost in themselves; which, because they possess an “all good” vs. “all bad” stance, this causes them to โsplitโ or dissociate.
NDP and Splitting
Splitting is a behavior which those with NDP may suffer from which results in seeing the world in terms of black and white, positive and negative. People and situations become all good or all bad; there is lack of grey areas. It is part of their perfectionism. This is also part of why those with NDP hold onto their defense mechanisms so strongly. To not see themselves as “all superior” or “all good,โ would mean they were instead “all inferior” or “all bad.โ Because they lack an ability to see the shades of grey, they may develop issues with avoidance, splitting, denial and projection; projecting all that they see as “all bad” onto other people around them or seeing others in terms of “all good” at times, as well. Sometimes what attracts people to the narcissist is initially being put on a pedestal. Much pain can arise when a person finds that they have suddenly fallen off of a narcissists pedestal only to be seen in a degraded way.
NDP and Raising Children
Unfortunately, children of narcissists can be set up to become objects or little extensions of their parents. The narcissist may have a hard time allowing their children to have their own identity, hopes and dreams. Children may also become little servants to take care of the emotional and other needs of the parent with NDP. I really suggest not having a child with a narcissist unless you are not codependent, can emotionally nurture the child properly, and will not leave the child to the whims of a narcissistic partnerโs agenda or needs.
NDP and Romantic Love
Individuals with NDP often pick mates who are โcodependent.โ Codependents will be more likely to enable a narcissistโs behavior or to be afraid of confrontation. If with a stronger partner, it may be traumatic for the person with NDP to be taken off their pedestal. This may only serve to drive them further into their behavior.
Often, if you try to talk to a narcissistic partner about what they are looking for in a relationship with you, you will hear superficial things. They rarely say emotional things such as that they want a partner to share and grow with. To give from the heart requires becoming vulnerable; a quality those with NDP have a hard time cultivating.
Only with the Casanova type of narcissists may some effort be made to please the partner. However, a lot of this effort could be out of ego gratification or to feel the “best” lover. Such individuals often end up manipulating and exploiting the opposite sex. They may like the excessive admiration that they receive from all the partners they seduce.
What To Do If You Are In Love With A Narcissist
While I have seen and known cases where two narcissists form a relationship with one another (one may be more overt and the other may be a covert or have a martyr complex), many people who are attracted to narcissists may have issues with codependency (especially those who will endure abuse without leaving). Thus, I highly recommend that partners of narcissists learn about codependency. Codependents often feel over-responsible and organize themselves around the needs and feelings of others. Codependents will readily accept blame or seek to make amends to be in good graces again. They are afraid of being considered selfish and are generally eager to please. They have a hard time setting boundaries so that they know where they stop and the narcissist begins. Unlike those with NDP, they are often highly empathic. If this sounds like you, try not to feel that if you could be perfect or loving enough that the narcissist would change. This attitude only results in reinforcing the narcissistic traits within the narcissist.
If you are with a narcissist, try also not to fix them. Unless you are a therapist and detached enough you will be unable to offer the right support and may end up hurting yourself. At times partners of narcissists who have overcome their fears of confrontation can become so frustrated that they resort to verbal attacks. Resorting to a verbal attack may not even appear to move a narcissist emotionally. You may end up feeling defeated when the narcissist stoically turns the blame onto you or accuses you of being crazy, emotional or paranoid. Because codependents will readily accept blame, they can end up feeling conflicted and guilty.
NOTE: I am not a professional psychologist and what I write comes from what I learned from various books, internet sites, and working with clients who were dealing with what appear to me to be partners with the disorder (or at least some of the symptoms). For information on NPD or diagnosis, please seek the evaluation of a qualified profession.
Addiction to Unrequited Love: Why We Chase Those Who Wonโt Choose Us
The TorchbearerโThey will love me one day
Many people fall into patterns of loving those who cannot (or will not) return the affection. This can feel intoxicating, spiritual, fated, or deeply emotional, but in truth, unrequited love often behaves like an addiction. It gives us emotional โhighs,โ unpredictable rewards, and moments of longing that keep us attached long past the point of clarity.
Understanding why this happens is the first step toward breaking free.
If youโre struggling with unrequited love, know this: you are not weak, and you are not alone. There are real psychological and energetic reasons behind this pattern.
What Is Unrequited Love?
Unrequited love occurs when someone feels strongly toward another person who does not return those feelings with the same intensity (or at all). This does not necessarily mean the other person is unkind; they simply may not want a commitment, may be emotionally unavailable, or may prefer to keep the connection surface-level.
To the person who feels addicted, however, the emotional pull can be overwhelming. It can feel like:
โIf I love them enough, theyโll see my worth.โ
โThere must be a soul connection โ why else do I feel this way?โ
โMaybe theyโre afraidโฆ maybe theyโll come around.โ
But often, unrequited love isnโt about destiny. Itโs about wounding, chemistry, and unmet needs.
Why Unrequited Love Becomes Addictive
Unrequited love is powerful because it mimics the emotional mechanics of addiction. A few common psychological patterns drive this:
1. Intermittent Reinforcement
If someone gives affection sometimes (but not consistently) the brain becomes trained to keep โtrying.โ Even small crumbs of attention can feel like a reward.
2. Emotional Highs and Crashes
Hope + longing + occasional reciprocity = a cycle that feels like dopamine surges followed by withdrawal.
3. Idealization
Because the relationship never fully forms, the mind fills in the missing pieces. We imagine who they could be โ rather than who they truly are.
4. Old Wounds Being Activated
People who grew up with emotional inconsistency may unconsciously chase it in adulthood, hoping to โheal the original wound.โ
Why Some People Become Drawn to Unavailable Partners
Certain personality types tend to fall into unrequited love more often. This can include:
Caretakers
Empaths
Individuals who fear abandonment
Those with low self-worth
People seeking intensity over stability
Ambivalent love addicts
People with anxious attachment styles
Unavailable partners feel familiar and strangely safe. This is because they do not demand vulnerability. You can โloveโ them from a distance without ever confronting your own deeper emotional fears of intimacy, rejection, responsibility, being loved, or not meeting someone’s expectations.
Behavior Patterns That Keep the Cycle Going
Those addicted to unrequited love often:
Wait endlessly for messages
Analyze their partnerโs every word
Accept far less than they deserve
Make excuses for poor behavior
Fantasize about โwhat could beโ
Believe signs, dreams, synchronicities are proof of destiny
Feel jealous of others but afraid to speak up
Keep giving without receiving
The more unavailable the person becomes, the more the mind becomes convinced that this is the one, even when evidence shows otherwise.
Red Flags to Watch For
Unrequited love often includes:
The other person is inconsistent
They avoid defining the relationship
They talk about other romantic interests
They withdraw after intimacy
They only contact you when bored, lonely, or wanting comfort
You feel anxious more than you feel secure
You imagine the potential more than you enjoy the reality
If the relationship causes more confusion than clarity, it is likely not a healthy bond.
Why Letting Go Is So Difficult
Letting go is not hard because youโre weak. Itโs hard because:
The brain becomes addicted to hope
The fantasy feels better than the real world
You donโt want to feel rejected
You believe โthis connection is specialโ
You fear starting over
You feel responsible for healing or fixing them
You believe no one else will love you this deeply
But clarity is not cruel. It is freeing.
Healing Your Addiction to Unrequited Love
Recovery begins with self-honesty and the willingness to see the situation as it truly is.
1. See Inconsistency as an Answer, Not a Mystery
Their behavior is their truth.
2. Stop Chasing โSignsโ Over Actions
Dreams, synchronicities, and tarot pulls offer something symbolic and not real or grounded. Your real-life needs matter more.
3. Rebuild the Relationship You Have With Yourself
The more you value yourself, the less youโll accept inconsistency.
4. Practice Emotional Regulation
Breathwork, tapping/EFT, journaling, and coaching can help you break the dopamine pattern of longing.
5. Let Yourself Grieve the Fantasy
You may not be grieving the person. You may be grieving who you hoped they could be.
6. Learn What Secure Love Actually Feels Like
Healthy love feels calming, not chaotic. It’s reassuring, not confusing. And it’s consistent, not unpredictable.
A Final Word: You Donโt Have to Untangle This Alone
If you find yourself caught in the cycle of longing, confusion, and emotional highs and lows, please know this: youโre not broken, weak, or unworthy. Youโre simply human… and your heart learned to bond with inconsistency long before this person ever entered your life.
Healing unrequited love is not just about letting go of someone. Itโs about rediscovering your worth, your voice, your boundaries, and the kind of love you truly deserve.
If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unable to break the cycle on your own, Iโm here to support you. Through readings, coaching, and intuitive guidance, I can help you:
Understand the deeper dynamics at play
Release emotional patterns that keep you attached
Rebuild your sense of worth and clarity
Navigate the confusion with grounded, compassionate insight
Move toward relationships that actually nurture your heart
You deserve a love that meets you fully, not halfway. And if your heart needs help finding its way out of longing and back into wholeness, you donโt have to do it alone.
A Few Other Self-Help Healing Tools
While one can always benefit from professional therapies and coaching, there are a few additional self-help healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions. Such self-help tools are not quick-fixes, nor are they meant to replace other healing efforts, but they can make wonderful complements.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is aย tool that can help with love addictions. EFT is easy to learn for free. One can find video demonstrations on YouTube or free information on various sites.
Flower essences are another tool. Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a โRelationship Essenceโ which contains the following:
Boab: is indicated for individuals who want to bring in more change, to clear negative core patterns that are rooted in family, or to clear negative past life karma affecting a relationship.
Bluebell: is indicated for those who cut themselves off from their feelings. It helps to open the heart and to dissolve greed and rigidity.
Bottlebrush: is indicated for those who need help to resolve oneโs โissues with mother.โ
Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships.
Dagger Hakea: is indicated for those who need help to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
Flannel Flower: is indicated for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries.
Red Helmet Orchid: is indicated for those who need help to resolve โissues with father.โ
Red Suva Frangipani: is indicated for those who struggle with rocky relationships.
Wedding Bush: is indicated for those who may have issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc.
