Signs a Woman Doesn't Value Herself

A woman who doesn’t value herself might not see her worth and how much she offers the world and others. She may not see that what she has to offer is equal in measure to what others have to offer. Due to this, she may exhibit behavior that allows others to treat her poorly. Here are six common signs that a woman has a low sense of self-worth.

1. She may attract men who don’t value women

A woman who doesn’t value herself will allow a love interest to treat her in a devaluing way. She may pick lovers who come and go from her life or who to treat her casually or with disrespect. Because she wants love, she may sometimes give into sexual advances or consent to having a casual relationships feeling that this is the way to find love. She may forgive all types of abuse or even violence easily, feeling swept up by the fantasy of who her love interest has the potential to be rather than who he truly is.

Because she feels a deep wound inside and yearning for love, this makes her vulnerable to falling for the amorous advances of charmers and players who may be seeking a romantic high or to take advantage in other ways. While the attention and charm might leave her feeling she has met the man of her dreams, these dreams may be crushed when such a love interest proves unfaithful, abusive, or disappears for days or weeks at a time. Because she hopes the fantasy was real, she will often forgive or take these love interests back too easily. In order to begin to value herself, she will have to be willing to sacrifice fantasy and charm in order to value stability. She will also have to be able to see a man for who he really is and whether he respects women. She will have to value herself enough to be selective.


2. She has a fear of rocking the boat

Women who do not value themselves may have a fear of rocking the boat in their relationships. Because of this, they can fail to adequately stand up for themselves when necessary, or to confront situations head on. Using the example of where a man is coming in and out of her life, she may not even question him as to where he has been or why he disappeared, afraid that doing so might cause him to want distance again. Unfortunately, through this behavior, she is showing others that they do anything they want to her, however hurtful or demeaning, and that she will always be there. Such a woman doesn’t expect to be treated better and has contented herself with merely settling for whatever table scraps she can get. To overcome this dynamic, she will have to become more willing to stand up for herself.


3. She is afraid of attracting a man of integrity because she is afraid of feeling inferior to him

A woman who does not value herself may have a hard time visualizing herself with a man who is committed and successful in life and relationships. The very thought of dating this type of man may bring up fear. If such a woman was to go more deeply into this fear, she might discover that it is a fear of feeling inferior to such a man who she might feel is more likely to reject her.

It may feel easier for a woman who doesn’t value herself to be in a relationship with a man who she considers inferior or who cannot or will not commit. Dating these types of men boost her self-esteem. This is because she can idealize that she is playing the role of the rescuer. When such men refuse to alter their ways, she can then feel a victim, blaming such men for the disappointment she feels. This dynamic is unhealthy, because it feeds the fantasy that one person in the relationship is superior and the other inferior. A woman in such a relationship may flip back and forth between feeling inferior to the man who will not change for her and superior to him at the same time. The way out of this dynamic would be for her to choose a man who is more her equal, who will not need to be rescued, and who might seem a little less exciting (i.e., less drama). She will then have to be willing to face the feelings of vulnerability this might bring up.


4. She is needy and clingy

A woman who doesn’t value herself will have low self-esteem that can make her feel needy, moody, jealous, and clinging. During times where those in her life might be busy or unable to give her attention, she might interpret that she will be rejected, abandoned, or replaced by someone more worthy. She may text a lot throughout the day or need a lot of contact or else be withdrawn and fearful of asserting herself.

Because of her neediness, a woman who does not value herself is often willing to compromise and lose herself in a relationship. She may drop her interests and friends to spend all of her time thinking about or tending to a love interest and his needs and interests. She may be jealous in unhealthy ways and this may cause her to react irrationally to what she perceives as a slight. She might fear that another woman will catch her love objects attention. If a woman doesn’t value herself, she may falsely assume that holding onto a loved one requires her to cling so they’re not tempted to leave.


5. She doesn’t take care of herself

A woman who doesn’t value herself may not take care of herself well. She might overindulge in alcohol, drugs, foods, or other addictions. Nutritionally, she might not feed her body what is healthy or what it deserves. She doesn’t treasure her body and may therefore abuse it or feel it has let her down. When it comes to her appearance, she may either place too much value on it or give it no value at all. If she is the former, she may starve herself to look good, buying designer clothes to feel good enough, or feel the need to have plastic surgery. If she is the latter, she may not believe she is worthy to look good, to have nice clothes, or to pamper herself now and then.


6. She lacks her own ambition

A woman who doesn’t value herself may lack the confidence to follow her heart and her dreams when it comes to her career or having a life purpose. When it comes to her choice in a job she may:


  • work at a job that is beneath her and which doesn’t make her happy
  • choose a career that someone else chose for her or that will make someone else happy (like a parent or love interest)
  • prefer not to work at all and to be taken care of by others

A woman who doesn’t value herself might do these things because she doesn’t really know herself or what she wants from life. She may only know how to define herself either through what others want or through how others can support and provide for her.

When it comes to her partner, she might not be able to provide the understanding or support he needs to fulfill his dreams because she doesn’t know what it is like to fulfill her own.

Overall, a woman who does not value herself will appear insecure, unhealthy, and unhappy. If this sounds like you, then it is not too late to turn this around. Learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. Make sure others treat you kindly and fairly, let go of neediness and clinging, and search inside your heart for what life purpose would fulfill you beyond the need to please other people around you.