A romantic obsession is an unrealistic attachment to someone who is not interested in you. If the other person has ended the relationship and you cannot accept that, your pursuit then becomes problematic.
If you’re trying to get over a relationship that has ended, the task is much more difficult if you’re obsessed with the other person. That means that you think about him or her all the time and fervently wish the you two were still together. Perhaps you’re even tempted to become a stalker!
If you’re in this situation, there are things that you can and should do to get over it. Here are five tips for getting over a romantic obsession.
1. Cut off all contact. If the other person has not already done this, you must end all contact. That means you should not meet the person, talk to him or her on the phone, or text them. Remove the person from your list of friends/connections on Facebook and other social media sites. Return all their belongings and take all your stuff back.
2. Curb your obsessive impulses. When you feel a strong impulse to get into contact with the object of your obsessive feelings, stop and think about it rather than acting immediately. Review the situation in your mind: that the other person ended the relationship and has made it clear that they won’t reconsider the decision. Think about the fact that your obsession with the person is impractical and is not contributing to your happiness or fulfillment.
3. Demolish your fantasy. Understanding that your obsession is based on a fantasy (you and the other person being together in the long term), you should question that fantasy until it crumbles. Think about the fact that the other person has rejected you. Recognize that your dream about being with them in a loving relationship is a delusion. Accept that their romantic interest in you has ended.
4. Grieve. When you have implemented the aforementioned three points and are beginning to feel somewhat less obsessive, allow yourself to grieve. Obviously, your relationship with the other person was important to you. However, you formed an attachment that was ultimately not reciprocated. Don’t spend too much time pondering about what went wrong or what you could have done differently. Instead, give yourself permission to experience the intense sadness that comes with the end of a relationship.
5. Get counseling. If the previous steps didn’t work and you are still absorbed in your obsession with the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, it may be necessary to seek counseling. This is especially true if you are finding it difficult to function normally. A professional counselor will be able to assess your condition and recommend therapeutic interventions.
A loving attachment to another person can be a wonderful thing. But an obsessive attachment to someone who has rejected you is a problem. Such an obsession burdens both you and the other person. Following these five recommendations will help you to overcome this obsession.